At 05:48 PM 1/30/2004 -0500, Roehl Sybing wrote:

At 08:05 PM 1/29/2004 -0500, Roehl Sybing wrote:

[snip first scene]

Eiko cut the link with a satisfied smirk before Crystal could respond
any further.

Dialogue's fine, better than fine, actually.  If you can, find some other
notation than the * to denote who is speaking besides Eiko.

?????  That's like asking to find a replacement for quote marks around
normal speech for different characters.

No, it's not.  In standard dialogue with quotes, you can say who is speaking
(the "he said" kind of thing).  You are omitting the attribution for
stylistic purposes, as you've said, and that's fine, and every once in a
while you are describing the scene during the dialogue, even better.  But if
this is the case, there must be something that differentiates the two
speakers.

Yup, it's called "context".
Sorry, could *not* resist. :)

I guess I didn't explain myself well enough. In this particular scene, the 
asterisks are a direct substitution for the more usual double-quotes. I was 
trying for a "communications tap" style for the exchanges. Keeping track of 
who is saying what should be fairly easy given the content of each paragraph.

My gripe has been discussed in the first half.  Plenty of room to

economize

without leaving out details.  Otherwise, this is fine.

I see that my depiction of Eiko's personality is succeeding quite well. :)

It is, to be honest.  But character development can't just be in the
dialogue, and three-quarters of the time, the object of dialogue is to
further the storyline.  The other one-quarter, you can do whatever you like.

You will have to admit that - given Eiko's situation - its "remote 
presence" in Ranma's head is about the only place I *have* to develop its 
character most of the time. <G>

============================================================
Mark Shurtleff
   email: gaijin@sfcmd.com
   irc alias: Gaijin -or- togashi_gaijin
   fanfiction homepage: http://www.sfcmd.com/fanfic
============================================================


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