--- Bob Schroeck <rms@eclipse.net> wrote:

Scott Jamison wrote:

In summary, not really a very interesting chapter; way too much

time

spent on Eiko being superior and Ranma upgrading.  Not nearly

enough

time spent on consequences.

Scott, let me guess -- you prefer short stories to novels, right?

It depends on the short story and the novel.  Read the uncut version
of "The Count of Monte Christo" a few weeks ago, and liked that just
fine.  I do find I tend to prefer novels that move along at a good
clip to deliberately "arty" ones.

"Relatively Absent" looks to be a fair-sized epic; and in works
that
size, there are things called "laying foundations", "foreshadowing"
and "establishment".  

Agreed.  

What Mark is doing is setting up development, change and growth. 
And
if my guess is correct, it's going to come at the cost of time,
pain
and loss.  You want all that in the first 100K?  You're not going
to
get it.  At least not in the way that Mark wants to tell it.  And
it's
*his* story.  He gets to choose the pacing.  You want a faster read
with a quicker payoff?  Stick to shorter stories.

Actually, Mark's been doing a pretty good job with the pacing, for
the most part.  Up until this chapter, when the long power-up
sequence felt like a screeching halt (to me.)

I will admit, though, that I am also having a little trouble
keeping
all the members of the Legion of Ninja-Cousins straight.  I'm not
sure what to advise here; I mean, in thinking about it, I find that
I
can call up all manner of good character detail about them -- but I
can't hang specific names on the characters who emerge in my
memory.
I can't recall if Harukichi is the redhead is the bookworm is the
lesbian is the one who wants the nice earrings...  If I could offer
some kind of subtle mnemonic device that could help the reader make
associations, I would.  But I have none.

Maybe it's because we almost always see them as a group that I tend
to think of them as a collective entity.  Maybe a couple more
individual scenes with solitary character establishment will help
the reader keep them distinct in their minds.

Might also help if they had noticably different attitudes towards
Ranma.  (For example, one being sympathetic to Ranma's plight, but
jealous of the way he takes up so much of Grandma's attention.  Or
one having a thing for Ryouga.)

Mind, if the next chapter pays off on some of the setup (unlike the
disappointing (to me) beginning of this one), I'll be well pleased.


SKJAM!



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