At 08:05 PM 1/29/2004 -0500, Roehl Sybing wrote:

[snip first scene]

Eiko cut the link with a satisfied smirk before Crystal could respond
any further.

Dialogue's fine, better than fine, actually.  If you can, find some other
notation than the * to denote who is speaking besides Eiko.

?????  That's like asking to find a replacement for quote marks around
normal speech for different characters.

No, it's not.  In standard dialogue with quotes, you can say who is speaking
(the "he said" kind of thing).  You are omitting the attribution for
stylistic purposes, as you've said, and that's fine, and every once in a
while you are describing the scene during the dialogue, even better.  But if
this is the case, there must be something that differentiates the two
speakers.

My gripe has been discussed in the first half.  Plenty of room to

economize

without leaving out details.  Otherwise, this is fine.

I see that my depiction of Eiko's personality is succeeding quite well. :)

It is, to be honest.  But character development can't just be in the
dialogue, and three-quarters of the time, the object of dialogue is to
further the storyline.  The other one-quarter, you can do whatever you like.
---
Roehl Sybing
The musings of an ordinary boy, turned into reality: infiniteDeferral -
http://www.infinitedeferral.com/
For every endeavor of the human spirit: NewsNetLink -
http://www.infinitedeferral.com/newsnetlink/

"If you got no one, and I got no place to go,
 Would it be alright?  Could it be alright?"
 - Green Day, Scattered


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