You'll have to give me a specific suggestion, because I can't believe that
you are suggestion I stop using the rest of the English language once I
start including technical jargon in a scene.

In a whole scene, no.  But within any paragraph there must be consistency,
cousin of another literary mechanism called cadence.  Perhaps just get rid
of "bastion", "unconscious" as a noun is fine.

I'm sorry, the crack about "bastion" was a tongue-in-cheek thing.  My bad
sense of humor kicked in.

I checked twice, and I still might not have seen it, but Eiko did not say
the words "slightly painful."  Just chop off the quotes or another
word/phrase that was said.  Don't use single quotes for "really hurts"
either.  That is Ranma saying it.

Eiko did indeed use the term "slightly painful" in the previous chapter,
and Jay Kominek nailed the usage reasoning in his response.

Yeah, I double checked.  My mistake. :)
---
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The musings of an ordinary boy, turned into reality: infiniteDeferral -
http://www.infinitedeferral.com/
For every endeavor of the human spirit: NewsNetLink -
http://www.infinitedeferral.com/newsnetlink/

"If you got no one, and I got no place to go,
 Would it be alright?  Could it be alright?"
 - Green Day, Scattered


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