Read the first chapter, but someone's gone through it, so...

It was surprising to see them on such an
out of the way planet, as in his estimation they were talented enough to

do

well on any of the more populous worlds, but they certainly had the rest

of

the clientele captivated.  Which was the entire point of choosing

Icerigger'

s as a meeting place.

You can merge the two sentences or remove the second one _and_ demonstrate
the effectiveness of the shroud in the upcoming dialogue.

"I hearrr you'rrre interrrested in me ship."  he said as he took the seat
across from Jason, his voice a low rumble.  The rolled rs so typical of
Felino's added an undertone of unfocused menace to his tone.

I'm not too keen on incorporating accents in the dialogue itself.  You can
describe what the Captain sounds like ("The rolled rs...") and it would have
the same effect.

Stravis nodded.  "Tomorrrrrow morrrrning.  Meet me aboard the "Shasha".

Just asking: is the extra 'h' part of his accent?

"And why should I believe anything you say, Ruby?  You stole my company,

my

livelihood, and forced me into hiding.  Why should I trust you?  I should
walk out of here and never look back."

The spoken indignation sounds a bit forced.  Otherwise, the rest of the
scene is fine.

Jason leaned back.  "Okay, so if I buy that you have amnesia, then I

suppose

the person I have a gripe with no-longer exists.  Fine.  It's far too
strange a story for anyone to believe, so I guess I have to accept that
you're not insulting my intelligence, and are telling the truth.

Hmm...doesn't really have to be said out loud, I don't think.

"And thawed it out.  If I had just moved it, the next few centuries of
warming would have been hell for storms, earthquakes and floods.  I just

put

it into an orbit at the median habitual range and warmed it to the
appropriate temperatures.  I can't do any thing about the magnetic fields
without ripping the planet totally apart and rebuilding it."

If I understand physics (and I'm not the expert, but this jumped out so I'm
putting it out there), any movement of a planetary body will fool around
with the gravity of that body, if only for that period of time where the
orbit changes.  I guess I'm imaginging something much more catastrophic for
a shift in planetary orbit.

Ruby gave Angel an evil eye.  "I'm an amnesiac, not an idiot.  I need

help,

and regardless of how skilled I once was at managing people, I'm in over

my

head as I currently am.  Jason's my last best hope to save the Universe."

"Quite a bit to put on one of us poor mortals."

Seems a tad awkward.

Good chapter.  A noticeable amount of mistakes in spelling, punctuation and
grammar, but the storyline is sound as of this point.
---
Roehl Sybing
The musings of an ordinary boy, turned into reality: infiniteDeferral -
http://www.infinitedeferral.com/
For every endeavor of the human spirit: NewsNetLink -
http://www.infinitedeferral.com/newsnetlink/

"If you got no one, and I got no place to go,
 Would it be alright?  Could it be alright?"
 - Green Day, Scattered


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