When I was a young man I carried me pack and I lived the free life of the
rover.
>From the Murray's green basin to the dusty outback, I waltzed my Matilda
all over.
Then in 1915, my country said, "Son, it's time to stop ramblin', there's
work to be done."
So they gave me a tin hat, and they gave me a gun, and they sent me away
to
the war.
THE BAND PLAYED WALTZING MATILDA Lyrics as performed by John McDermott
Interesting. I thought I knew of every professional recording of "The Band
Played Waltzing Matilda." John McDermott, huh? :)
"I think we leave Charlie for Graves Registration," Raccoon told the
SAR Captain, I wanted to scream at him that we should try to save
everybody, or start in the worst area. Before I could start, the Captain
sent me to shelter Baker to start dealing with cuts and other minor
injuries. I went. I was confident of the first aid training I'd received
in my native Tokyo of 1992. It gave me a huge advantage in the
`primitive`
1947 Tokyo I now lived in.
I don't know, when it comes to time, I'm not sure I would mention "Tokyo",
just the years. You eventually flesh it out in the following two to three
sentences anyways.
There was. A little boy and his dog, huddled in the corner, shielded
by a wall of his parents and siblings. All unmoving bloodied corpses,
terrible to see and to smell. Fortunately he was in shock, and easily
moved to the opening, and handed through. The dog paused, looked at the
rest of the dead family, then climbed after his sole remaining master. I
checked the rest of the hollow. They were all dead, no pulses and no time
for more careful checks. Now shouting out, then listen to, creep around
to
pick up the faintest sound, a tap, a whisper, anything. Nothing. I
crawled back out. Screams are bad, silence is worse. The look in the
faces of the other rescue workers horrified me. Then I realized, I must
look terrible, I don't have time for that right now. I thought that, at
the time.
This is very good.
In Japanese I'm ordering people to move to the higher ground, change to
English to shout at the crew to work faster.
I see what you're doing, but it's not really necessary IMO to tell us what
language you're speaking to which people. It's five words you can eliminate
without significant confusion.
What we are doing is horrible. Earlier today, I would have assaulted
someone doing this to people, now I follow the orders of the nurse without
comment. These patients who cannot be helped . . . we are dosing them
with
morphine and leaving them to die. I bring some of them water, take down
information about address and family, anything to keep them quiet and
comfortable. We give them injections. My main job is cleaning the
syringes between uses, and holding the bottles the alcohol and morphine
are
in.
This is fine. One small thing, though. I've never been in a crisis
situation, but when you're at that level of damage control, I would think
the whole thing would be horrible, and not necessarily what I would be doing
at the moment, however gruesome. Plus, the scene speaks for itself.
Probably more dramatic to let the reader guess what you're thinking.
I'm just gonna stop now, because much of this piece is very chilling as it
was meant to be, and I'd rather not poke more holes in a quite solid piece.
I'd have to read in future chapters as to why this particular chapter is not
necessary for the full plot, because there is a fair bit of development
here, IMO.
---
Roehl Sybing
The musings of an ordinary boy, turned into reality: infiniteDeferral -
http://www.infinitedeferral.com/
For every endeavor of the human spirit: NewsNetLink -
http://www.infinitedeferral.com/newsnetlink/
"If you got no one, and I got no place to go,
Would it be alright? Could it be alright?"
- Green Day, Scattered
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