Interesting piece.

Quoting Elin B <elbju@yahoo.se>:

I would be curious to know how readers find it, if it
works or not.

Parts do work, parts don't (IMO).  Not quite sure
what your goal was, though.

You�ve got to be kidding. First of all, they�ll never
agree to showing them to you.

The context confuses me a bit.  Is Ranma replying to a
request by Ryouga to the Tendos to see the letters?
Didn't he keep copies?

What they really do and say and feel doesn�t wind up
on paper. I thought everyone knew that.

-Ranma

Good POV for Ranma, IMO.

And now I�ve told Akari, so I have to tell you.

Akari found out shortly after the two met.

There isn't a good way to say this, so I'll just say
it: That little pig you carry around sometimes isn't
a real pig. It's just a Jusenkyo curse. As a matter
of fact, it�s me.

Didn't bother to just say, "I'm P-Chan"?  Or even
mention the name?  Still, the way the letter rambles
a bit does seem like Ryouga.

September 26, 1995

What do you mean, �restitution�?
I don�t want your money. In fact, I�m thinking of
sending back all those things you�ve given me.

Akane Tendo

This just doesn't seem like Akane, to me.  Sending
them back seems very cold-blooded.  Hot-bloodedly
destroying them all would have worked for me.

Also, why would Akane assume "restitution" means
money?  It often would mean something else in a
Japanese context.

I can now report that I have spoken up in your
defense to Akane on no less than three separate
occasions. Included in this envelope is a tape
recording two of these occasions, for proof.

LOL!  Nabiki's first letter here was easily the high
point of the entire piece, IMO.  Classic Nabiki, and
VERY funny.

But she is also a woman of firm character with strong 
beliefs and a rather traditional outlook. Perhaps you
should keep in mind that she does not necessarily
speak for my little sister.

Now, I assume from this that Nodoka wants to laud him
for his "masculine behavior" in peeping on Akane as a
pig, which would be a very good reason for Kasumi to
add that last sentence.  I don't see much backup for
this interpretation later, though.

Sorry for being obtrusive. I guess I might feel like
you do, if I were in your shoes. Especially if it was
another boy I wasn�t in love with.

The Akane-Akari correspondence seemed a little stilted
to me, given the way they get on in the manga.  I
think the above passage might work just a bit better if
it is obvious to the reader that Akari can't imagine
feeling the way Akane does, but is trying to say what
she does anyway.

Dear Impostor,

Suit yourself. I suppose I�ll have no option but to
keep holding you a grudge for the way you�ve treated
my little sister and deceived most of us

This second Nabiki letter just seemed to come out of
nowhere to me.  I'd either add enough so that we
understand the context better, or take it out.

But anyway, I�ve decided not to go looking for a cure
until I�ve got things squared with Akane.

??? ...and he's decide this because...???

And the form itself is so nice!) Both humans and
animals are simply parts of nature � and pigs have
Buddha natures, too!

Good characterization for Akari, though!  :)

Dear Akari,
I wonder if you wouldn�t be better off with somebody
else.

???


Telling a story through correspondence is a time-
hallowed technique.  But you seem to be aiming at
hinting of a story you're NOT telling, which is
something quite different.  You give us a lot of hints
of goings-on off-screen which never get described at
all, almost as though you yourself fully believe what
you ascribed to Ranma.  (If so, I'd suggest you not
try to tell a story this way.)

By the end of a story told this way, we ought to be
able to figure out exactly what went on, with later
references to off-screen events clarifying the earlier
ones until the whole picture is clear.  But I have
no idea when Ryouga visited Nodoka; I don't know what
caused Nabiki to send the second letter; I don't know
what Akane wanted Ryouga to do at the school; I don't
know whether Ryouga made it; I don't know what Ryouga
meant by his last letter to Akari, etc., etc., etc.

Are you sure/do you know what you intended with this
piece?  As a story, it's a failure, IMO; as a non-story
piece, it's... well, something other than a story.


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