On Mon, 12 Jan 2004, Richard Lawson wrote:

It simply doesn't impress me as a story.  It doesn't matter whether or not I
agree with your viewpoint, Firethorn.  It just doesn't meet the basic
requirements for being a story - having a beginning, a middle, and an end.
To be slightly more technical, it doesn't have a setting, a problem, and a
resolution.

Yes, not all fiction has to fit into that narrow a straightjacket; some of
the best fiction ignore conventions.  But they still tell a story; the
problem I see here is that you don't have one.

I thought I should add to this comment, if only because the fic has given
me an idea on how to work around a block I have on my own fic about youma
armies resistant to bullets (involving press gangs and print club booths,
and such silliness).

Offhand, there are two ways I could think of expanding the Youma Attack
fic while retaining the style.  First, it could be written in a diary
format.  In such a case, you could easily retain the main character's
opinions (it IS his diary, after all), and have the advantage of a clear
timeline and a single viewpoint.  The few fics I've read in this format, I
found dull and repetitive, but that may be due to the writers, and not
inherent to the format.

Second, one might consider presenting newspaper articles, TV report
scripts, occasional diary entries, and so on.  This method would likely be
more difficult to follow for both reader and writer.  For example, it
would be difficult to plausibly describe the effect of a Barret, without
seeming forced.  However, depending on your goals, an advertisement for
said rifles or an invoice for rifle orders might accomplish almost as
much.  Using this method, one would not keep to a single viewpoint, and
each scene would probably sound a vignette.  These are obvious
difficulties, but I'm hoping to use this to write my own fic.

While I do feel there is much truth in the critisisms concerning the YA
fic, I do feel there is a story, even if it is not described as neatly as
a traditional fic.  The setting is in the modern day during a conflict
against the youma, the problem is how to kill the invaders, and the
resolution...well, it doesn't seem to have one.  But I hope that the
writer works on further revisions, and gives it one.

At the very least, this was a hell of alot better than the hundreds of
"idea posts" that used to plague the list.

-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble.  A few more shots, then
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode.  Ducking around a corner,
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of
my Anime supplier.

One look at his face and I knew that I had been betrayed.  "Tell me,"
I insisted.  He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance.  Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao," he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...

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