Subject:
[FFML] [R.5][Horror-angst][Crossover] Metuo Palam Acerbus
Date:
Sun, 11 Jan 2004 23:12:30 EST
From:
TaitekiKagato@aol.com
Description: Monsters arrive in Nerima. Graphic bloodiness ensues
and Ranma is totally useless in the splatterfest.
Comments:
Annoying non-Ascii characters scattered through the story.
Whoever had gotten Shampoo could probably tear a poorly-trained
Policeman to
Don't capitalise "policeman". And since it's Ranma "cop" would
probably be better anyway.
The three quickly
surrounded Soun's body when they realized he was the one in need of
immediate
medical attention, the younger girl obviously dead.
Delete "younger". She is, after all, the eldest of the girls.
Horror is the literature of victimisation, but you've taken that
quite a bit farther than I like. Ranma just stands around
ineffectually while people die. He hasn't even looked into
the wave of disappearances. There is one thing that would
vastly improve this story for a start. Let Ranma "rescue"
Kasumi and Akane. Let him do _something_.
Subject:
[FFML] [Ranma 1/2] The Blind Truth
Date:
Tue, 13 Jan 2004 23:31:57 -0500
From:
Andrew Petalik <wolf@magma.ca>
Description: Mousse thinks about his super-secret plan.
Comments: Show, don't tell. This isn't a story, it's the idea
for a story.
Subject:
[FFML] [Ranma] Rendezvous with Fate 12
Date:
Thu, 01 Jan 2004 15:35:21 +0800
From:
"Ice Angel" <angelysis@hotmail.com>
Description: An alternate Ranma from the pre-shogunate period is once
again convinced that his wife Kodachi is faking her soul's replacement
by an Akane from the 20th century. Akane is upset to learn
that "Ranko" is really Ranma or sometimes his sister Nabiki...I think.
Meanwhile Kodachi seems to be running around in Akane's ancestor's body.
Or something. There's also something about Nabiki getting fake-
engaged to a samurai she thinks is a peasant to avoid Kuno's affections.
I swear it makes General Hospital look straightforward.
Comments:
wanted the truth she presented to be a lie. "Lock her up
*somewhere*, but I have overly suggested that to you,
already
Interestingly, Akane has been catapulted into the losing side
of the war to unify Japan. It doesn't bode well for her long
term prospects. I'm sort of disappointed that Akane's
"surprise move" was a total bust. Is that because you wanted
the fight to be a total blowout, or because you have no idea
what Yama Arashi does?
Subject:
[FFML] [Fic][SM] D-Point
Date:
Sun, 4 Jan 2004 11:15:32 +0900
From:
"W. Suika Roberts" <ssfr@mac.com>
Description: The Senshi abandon the path of purity for the
path of overwhelming firepower.
Comments:
I alight on the short wall next to my target, then drop onto my
butt,
arranging my skirt to provide minimal distraction. That done,
`Miyamura-san,
I need your help.'
That done, I say,
`It will startle them. If they're bulletproof, it should knock
them
back. If they're not,' I let myself fade off.
`I'll see what I can do, Sailor . . . ' he fades off.
Don't repeat yourself that way.
`I will do my best. Thank you, for protecting all of us,' he
practically gushes, bowign deeply.
bowing
Oh if I had a rocket launcher...
Subject:
[FFML] [HnG][AU]Same Destination, Different Path
Date:
Mon, 5 Jan 2004 01:34:17 -0500 (EST)
From:
Troy Thomas <troythomas1@yahoo.ca>
Description: Caught trying to steal his grandfather's haunted
go board, a boy must learn to love go, and to deal with the go
playing ghost who sees him as an outlet for his desire to play
go.
Comments: Well described introduction for the character and the
reader to the game.
Subject:
[FFML] [Orig] Angelblade 01 - Reiya
Date:
Mon, 05 Jan 2004 21:21:27 -0500
From:
bellreisa@softhome.net
Description: A team of angelically powered superheros fight
demons. Hey...wait a second. Is this a game of In Nomine?
Comments:
"Um... I guess so," Reiya mumbled, her eyes still wide. Was this power
of
hers the same as what she could do? Why wasn't she the only one? The
Very unclear grammar.
Perhaps:
Were their powers from the same source? Why hadn't she ever
considered that she might not be alone...unique?
Nice comic book action sequences.
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