Hmm.  I just don't like it.

Oh, don't get me wrong, technically great, a ripping style of prose that's
used to good effect.

But it's not a story; it's a political diatribe dressed up (very thinly) as
a Sailor Moon story.  It's the author espousing a particular view very
emphatically.  But all the pro-"right to bear arms" hyperbole drowns out
whatever plot (plot?) you have, whatever story you're trying to tell.

It simply doesn't impress me as a story.  It doesn't matter whether or not I
agree with your viewpoint, Firethorn.  It just doesn't meet the basic
requirements for being a story - having a beginning, a middle, and an end.
To be slightly more technical, it doesn't have a setting, a problem, and a
resolution.

Yes, not all fiction has to fit into that narrow a straightjacket; some of
the best fiction ignore conventions.  But they still tell a story; the
problem I see here is that you don't have one.

I would urge you to take that writing style and gift for prose and use it to
tell us a story, not to try and sell us a viewpoint.  If you can can tell
the story of Joe Sixpack who's watching football when a youma comes crashing
through the wall, whereupon Joe picks up his shotgun and sends the youma
back to the Dark Kingdom, then gets together with a few of his friends to
try and fight off the invasion, along the way discovering the benefits of
blessing the ammo, then fighting the youma to a standstill and even
eventually beginning to drive them off... *that's* a much more interesting
story to read.  And if you can avoid the proselytizing, you may even get
your point across more effectively than this essay.

/shrug  Just my opinion.  I don't have much respect for writing that uses
the author's favorite characters or settings as mouthpieces to espouse a
viewpoint.  But tell me a story, and even if I don't agree with the politics
of the author, I can still enjoy it.  Heinlein comes to mind for that.

-Richard

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'