I should have seen a Battlestar crossover coming after
the recent new mini-series on Sci-Fi!

Hmmm....I'm curious if you are going with the new
series or the original for background....I'm guessing
original since you mention setting Baltar up against
Gendo.  So far in the new series he is more of a dupe
than a true traitor...but with that ceylon cyber chick
messing with his brain, who knows!

I'm not sure that the Ceylon's would be a bigger
problem than the angels...I think the angels would
just attack them like they do humans...and the Ceylons
don't have an AT field (well yet...if you are going
off the new mini-series I bet they'd have the Magi
co-opted in about 10 seconds)

I'm curious.  Please continue.

Oh--and I had an idea for a couple of BSG
crossovers...imagine Tylor in command of the
Galactica, or better yet, use the new series as a
basis, but have the "lost Battlestar" from the
original series show up commanded by Tylor...you
remember the Pegasus right?

Now for the meat of the C & C...As always please
disregard if you disagree...this is only my input:

--- Daniel Jess Gibson
<dan_s.comments@worldnet.att.net> wrote:

[Fanfic][EVA][Mystery][Crossover]I think we have a
bigger problem

Disclaimer at the end

Best place for it!

I think we have a bigger problem

     Shinji looked at Toji who shrugged, both headed
after their friend.

Sentence seems a bit akward.  Perhaps "Shinji looked
at Toji who shrugged, and both headed after their
friend."

two deep cuts in the fuselage.  About a third of the
way in from the
wingtips, a huge cannon rested in each of the cut
outs.

Longish...perhaps "Huge cannon rested in cutouts a
third of the way in from the wingtips."

     ~Such a weapon would serve as an adequate
weapon for the EVAs,~ Rei
thought, ~Was this a test of a new weapon to be used
against the Angels?~ 
Rei had no answers.

I'm not too sure on Ceylon weaponry, but Nerv did test
some exotic energy weaponry against the angel.  The
sniper positron rifle is the only one I recall working
against an INTACT AT field.  I'm not sure the weapons
on a Ceylon fighter would blast through an AT
field...But, if as the Author you decide it should,
then it is so!

     "There might be dead bodies in there!" Kensuke
replied, "Since
Shinji's with the military, maybe he'd know what to
do with it."

Actually I always go the impression Kensuke would
welcome seeing dead bodies...he's a strange boy...

     "Then it'd be like a shrine you know?" Kensuke
said the others.

This sentence seems disjointed from the earlier two
paragraphs.  Is Kensuke trying to get somebody else to
check it out since Shinji didn't rise to the bait? 
I'm not sure.  Also..."Kensuke said TO the others."

     Rei could smell no blood or decay.  She stepped
over the pile of
debris the craft had pushed up and walked inside.

If the craft just crashed she wouldn't likely smell
decay.  Recent violent Death does have a smell...but
it isn't decay...it smells a bit like blood, copper
and sewage.

     Then she saw the boots, metallic gold and
black.  She had never seen
military footgear like that.  She carefully walked
forward.  The heavy,
gold and black suit looked like some type of
environment suit.

Using suit twice seems akward.  Perhaps "The heavy
gold and black outfit (uniform?) looked like some type
of environmental suit."

on her.  She saw herself reflected in the golden
helmet.  Her two red eyes
staring back into the single one.

I like this image!

Good job.  Waiting to see what's next!



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