Steve T. wrote:
Night had fallen.
In the park, Sailor Moon, Sailor Jupiter, and Spiderwoman stood next to
the fountain. There were still signs of the police having been there.
Yellow tape, chalk on the grass, the usual.
Chalk on the grass? Have you ever tried to chalk grass?
Not only is it is impossible, chalking outlines went out of style in
the 60s.
"After her!" Sailor Moon cried as she leapt to her feet and charged off
into the woods.
"I deserve a damn medal," Jupiter said and took off after Sailor Moon.
Comma after "said".
"Who? Oh, the blond sword kid. Isn't he dead?"
"Yeah. Spiderwoman came about because Ami feels guilty that she ran
rather then standing her ground."
rather than
"My name is Beryl," she purred. "You are the Green Goblin?"
"I am."
Did the outfit give it away?
The big digital clock proclaimed it two in the morning, when Jupiter
Delete "it"
finally collapsed on a scaffolding. She and Sailor Moon were in the
Entertainment district where the buildings on either side of the main
street were topped with miniature skyscrapers of neon signs. The
scaffolding itself was for maintenance workers.
"Let me guess, you would have only been too happy to explain had he
comma after "explain"
asked."
"In triple-talk, of course."
Sailor Moon looked at Jupiter. The other Senshi was staring across the
street at the signs. Silhouetted against one of them was a figure.
The Figure raised it's hand and the scaffolding began to shake.
Decapitalise "Figure". Extra space.
"Goblin? That thing that's been on the news?" Jupiter said and then her
martial arts trained reflexes threw her to the side as something (It
looked like a metal shuriken that was shaped like a bat)
What shuriken aren't made out of metal?
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