Subject: [FFML] Re: ffml Digest V3 #291 (Life on the Inside comments) and revised scene.
From: Michael A Chase
Date: 12/15/2003, 5:37 PM
To: DB Sommer <sommer@3rdm.net>, David Homerick <dhomeric@jps.net>, ffml@anifics.com


On Mon, 15 Dec 2003 12:28:57 -0500 DB Sommer <sommer@3rdm.net> wrote:

Shampoo could barely {believed : believe} what she was hearing, and
the brain dead way in which it was being said.  The whole thing
bothered Shampoo, starting with Park's vacuous look.  There was
something off about it.  How could anyone possibly be as stupid as this
and {made : make} it this far?  And then it occurred to Shampoo.  Park
couldn't possibly be this much of an idiot.  It was like she was trying
to act stupid, rather than it being her natural state.  She had the
same impression the first time they met, as though something was going
on there just beneath the surface.

"She die in first dogfight.  Boom.  Just like that.  Best score in
twenty years no mean anything.  Simulators is not the same as real
life.  Park can make all the plans she want, and pat herself on the
back because she think she so smart.  The Muskies not able to resist
for so long by accident, and neither has Mina.  Reality no always
{confirm : conform} to plans, not even for Shampoo."

With that note of finality, Shampoo turned around and exited the
restroom.  She had done all she could.  She was wiping her hands clean
of the matter.  What would be, would be{: .}

Xxxxx

As Shampoo {exited : left} the restroom, Park looked at her in
bewilderment.  "What the hell was that supposed to mean?"

For a moment, Park had almost panicked at what the insinuation.  But
once she thought about the matter, she relaxed.  Shampoo had been
guessing.  She was certain of it, or the Amazon would have been more
specific in her accusation and not given some bizarre, nonsensical
statement.  It wasn't surprising to Park that Shampoo had sensed
something amiss, she had her pegged {: as} a perceptive one.  No one
got to be top dog in the Arena by accident.  The Amazon knew how to
play the game like a professional, not that it would do her any good in
the long {one : run}.  No matter how smart Shampoo might have been she
forgot the cardinal rule that there's always someone smarter out there.
It was just her unfortunate luck that they girl was Park Ji-Hyun.

It was just her unfortunate luck that she's not as smart as she thought.

You used 'exited' twice in two paragraphs.  I don't like it used that way
anyway, so I suggested replacing the second.

Everything was falling into place.

I just love it when a plan comes together.

--
Mac :})
Give a hobbit a fish and he eats fish for a day.
Give a hobbit a ring and he eats fish for an age.


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