I didn't intially realize this was sent to the list. Upon further
consideration, I'm inclined to agree with you. She is revealing too much and
will revise it here.

Mmm Hm.  I recommend that you have her try to play the bimbo with
Shampoo, but have Shampoo see through it.  Then have her try to
ingratiate herself, but have that fail too.

Actually she already tried that in the first part and it failed badly. She's
not going to try it again, when it has even less of a chance of success with
her hanging around Tarou, whom Shampoo hates.

 Then have Shampoo issue her

warning and leave.  Then you can step into Park's viewpoint as she
considers the warning and rejects it. This would allow you to establish
Park as an overconfident fool without also establishing that the author
is anxious that she be established as a fool.  One should always keep
the mechanisms of one's plot decently concealed.

Okay. How about this. Starting with Shampoo entering the bathroom...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Luck was with Shampoo as she entered the restroom. Only Park was present,
looking into a mirror as she touched up her appearance. The moment Shampoo
entered, Park perked up. It took the Amazon a second to realize the Korean
was placed so that the entrance was reflected in the mirror, either by
coincidence or intentionally, it was difficult to say.

Park turned to look at the visitor. She gave a cursory, "Oh, hello." And
went back to primping her hair.

Shampoo felt annoyed at the casual dismissal. She was beginning to wonder if
the matter was worth being concerned about. Giving in to her desire to help,
and thwart Mina, Shampoo continued forward until she was standing directly
behind Park, towering over the much smaller girl. "Silly girl have no idea
what she doing."

"What do you mean?" Park asked.

"Mina regards Tarou as her man, even if he does fool around on her all the
time, not that she's any better. She won't care about that though. She kill
you for flirting with him in front of everyone."

Park gave a dismissive wave of her hand. "Oh, I doubt if she'd do that. And
it's not that close between the two of us."

Shampoo could barely believed what she was hearing, and the brain dead way
in which it was being said. The whole thing bothered Shampoo, starting with
Park's vacuous look. There was something off about it. How could anyone
possibly be as stupid as this and made it this far? And then it occurred to
Shampoo. Park couldn't possibly be this much of an idiot. It was like she
was trying to act stupid, rather than it being her natural state. She had
the same impression the first time they met, as though something was going
on there just beneath the surface.

Why would she act so stupidly, and why go out of her way to anger Mina? Was
she really that attracted to Tarou, or was it some sort of game she was
playing? Probably the latter. Too many of Park's actions seemed intended to
elict a certain reaction, mostly concerning Mina. It stank of some sort of
scheme. She was certain of it.

Shampoo shook her head sadly at the idea. She'd give the girl one last
chance. "Shampoo remember a girl like Park. It was a cadet, fresh out of the
flight academy. She got highest marks in school and simulators, highest in
twenty years. She thought she would light up the stars, and kill every Musky
there was. She brag about it to everyone, how she be an ace quicker than
everyone else and become legend in fleet in less than a year.

"She die in first dogfight. Boom. Just like that. Best score in twenty years
no mean anything. Simulators is not the same as real life. Park can make all
the plans she want, and pat herself on the back because she think she so
smart. The Muskies not able to resist for so long by accident, and neither
has Mina. Reality no always confirm to plans, not even for Shampoo."

With that note of finality, Shampoo turned around and exited the restroom.
She had done all she could. She was wiping her hands clean of the matter.
What would be, would be

Xxxxx

As Shampoo exited the restroom, Park looked at her in bewilderment. "What
the hell was that supposed to mean?"

For a moment, Park had almost panicked at what the insinuation. But once she
thought about the matter, she relaxed. Shampoo had been guessing. She was
certain of it, or the Amazon would have been more specific in her accusation
and not given some bizarre, nonsensical statement. It wasn't surprising to
Park that Shampoo had sensed something amiss, she had her pegged a
perceptive one. No one got to be top dog in the Arena by accident. The
Amazon knew how to play the game like a professional, not that it would do
her any good in the long one. No matter how smart Shampoo might have been
she forgot the cardinal rule that there's always someone smarter out there.
It was just her unfortunate luck that they girl was Park Ji-Hyun.

Park knew she had it all. Looks, skill, and the brains to properly utilize
both. The lethal combination meant she had the ability to be top dog. There
was only the small matter of removing those that were currently in front of
her, and the best way to go about it.

Mina was chosen first because she was a predictable cow. Park's countrywoman
was a simpleton that was easy to figure out. All meanness and hate just
waiting to explode over any insult, both real and imagined, although in this
case it was definitely the former. The plan was really very simple. Seducing
Tarou and letting Mina find out about it would make her pissed as hell, and
want to kill Park more than anything in the world. Angry people were sloppy,
and one needed to keep control in order to survive. It was the first rule
everyone learned in the dog pits. Once Mina was worked into a complete
frenzy. It would be a simple matter to finish her off.

Park had been faking her actual skill level. She was much better than anyone
guessed, and had her edge, the Razor Scissors Kick, which would give her
victory in the blink of an eye. Park would prefer to save it for later, but
looking past the opponent in front of you was a sure way to end up dead.
Mina was dangerous enough under normal circumstances, but her plan called
for her countrywoman to be off her game, enraged by Park's emerging
popularity, bedding Tarou, then bragging about it afterwards. In two days
time, she'd set the final play into motion. By the end of the week, Mina
wouldn't be a problem to anyone ever again.

After that, it would be time for Park to start working on the plan to
eliminate her next target. It hadn't taken her long to discover her true
opposition's weak link. Running Deer was good, but not quite up to the true
hot commodities in the Arena. Unlike Mina, Park was quite willing to use
others to fight her battles for her. Once Mina was out of the way, Tarou
would be easy to manipulate. He was worse than most men when it came to
thinking with his balls. By the end of the night, Park would be fully
ingratiated with him. Then she would encourage him to kill Running Deer once
they had an official match. From there, a despondent Shampoo would do her
best to kill Tarou in retaliation. No matter who the victor was, they would
be weakened, then Park would finish them off, and be the only true sure bet
to win the tournament.

Everything was falling into place.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[END SCENE]

I think that serves the same purpose as the original scene without Park
blabbing everything.

Thanks again for the help.

DB Sommer

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'