Listar wrote:

Park finally turned around, wagging her finger at Shampoo as though she was
a small child that had said something ridiculously stupid. "No, Mina will be
pissed as hell, and want to kill me. That will make her sloppy. You need to
keep control in order to survive. That's the first rule you learn in the dog
pits. I'm going to work Mina into a complete frenzy. And when I've got her
at her peak, I'll kick her ass and leapfrog her just like that."
 

This is a variation of the talking villain fallacy.  I'll call it the 
boasting patsy.  Miss Park has absolutely no reason to tell Shampoo any 
of this, and if she can't resist the urge to flap her yap here, she's 
obviously way out of her depth.  I wrote Park off here, and I imagine 
most of the other readers did the same.

Shampoo stared at the girl in shock. Where had this come from? "What Park
talking about?"

Shampoo acting as if Miss Park has just broken into "Everything's Coming 
up Roses" doesn't help matters.  Although, in a sense, that's what she 
just did.

Park snorted, undergoing a shocking transformation. Her cute girl image
disappeared, replaced with a much harder, scorn-filled one. "Give me a
break. I'm not some chump fresh out of a dog pit. I've been paying attention
to who's who and what's been going on up here. Got to know the lay of the
land before conquering it, after all."
 

Mmm Hm.  I recommend that you have her try to play the bimbo with 
Shampoo, but have Shampoo see through it.  Then have her try to 
ingratiate herself, but have that fail too. Then have Shampoo issue her 
warning and leave.  Then you can step into Park's viewpoint as she 
considers the warning and rejects it. This would allow you to establish 
Park as an overconfident fool without also establishing that the author 
is anxious that she be established as a fool.  One should always keep 
the mechanisms of one's plot decently concealed.

-- David




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