This was in late August, a month or so after the Unholy Big Row between
Akane and Nabiki. It was also after Kasumi had started to attend an

- Unholy Big Row?

They had been talking a little about Soun Tendo's recent decision, which
he had announced last night at dinner. Apparently. Soun's cousin, who
lived over in Vancouver in Canada, was going to visit Tokyo for a

- You don't really need "over", there. And you could also replace the second
in with a comma, but that's up to you.

right in the agitation of the Great Piglet Revelation, and get a rather
skewered view of his host family as a result.)

- Great Piglet Revelation? Is this a planned plot to reveal who P-chan
really is?

Akane's eyes opened wide. "I mean," Ranma continued, "you did say just
the other day that you wanted to be better, so that you could handle
people like that latest loonie by yourself if you had too..." He trailed
off, aware of her stare.

- Looney, unless you mean the Canadian dollar.

AUTHOR'S COMMENTS: This came about from my wish to write a contemplative
piece, and to write more densely than I usually do. Feedback would be
much appreciated, whether critical or not. This is my first work of
fanfiction in prose.

-It's good for a first piece of fanfiction, I know it can be hard to set
your writing gears that way.

-While I was reading, it felt like you were rushing through the first bit,
then when you got the parts where they weren't talking quite as much,
it felt more comfortable to read. You might want to take more time
with the explications at the top, or cut out a few of them even, since
they're
not all necessary for what Akane and Ranma are thinking (unless you plan
on making a continuation.)

- Oh, one more thing, and this is more of a stylistic thing then anything.
It
helps if you put a space between each paragraph, for reading. Up to you,
though.

- Denise


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