"Stop! Put me down! Let me go!" screamed Koshi Rikdo as two
strong-armed goons dragged him down a long hallway. "I'll call the
police! I'll draw unfavorable caricatures of you in my next manga!"

Bah. That never works.

RIKDO: Fine... then I'll get NIDOKING to draw caricatures of you in my
next manga!

    "It can't be hard to figure out," replied the figure. "I

promised

the fans a second episode, and they clamored for more. I can give

them

more... but I need something from you first."

please let it be OOCness, language, drug/alcohol use and shounen ai.

You

can't go wrong with a mix like that

Hmmm... maybe in episode 4.

    "Characters are cheap," replied Nidoking. "We got a million of

'em.

Me and my boys, we can make anything happen. There's a lotta little
characters out there that never had the chance to make it big.

Like the guy from 'Dog Soldier' or the cast from 'Roots Search'

Wasn't "Dog Soldier" in the Prize Bag of DOOM? Or am I thinking of
something else that was the worst anime series ever?

    Clef glared at her. "That's not funny." He tapped his pointed

nose

on the floor, and the tile beneath Mihoshi's feet vanished. She fell
into the resulting pit with a loud clatter of cookware.

Nice variation on that

Thanks. Not that it hadn't been done in the anime, but that was just a
passing reference. I think the pit gag is so much better when it can
follow the cast around.

    "As I was about to say, there's no need for me to give you your
mission ahead of time today," said Clef. "Since this body is
significantly smaller and much less mineral

less mineral? I haven't any idea what that's supposed to mean.

His original body has been turned to stone. His spirit now inhabits
Plue's body. I'd have put a recap at the beginning of the episode if I
thought it would make any sense at all.

    "Yay!" Mihoshi cheered again. "I finally get to live out my
wonderful bondage fantasy with Lord Clef!

What? No hamsters in it as well? Not much of a fantasy, is it?

No, the Hamtaro crossover isn't going to happen for a while yet.
Probably chapter {last chapter} + 75 or so.

    "Yes, Ma'am," Moroboshi said hastily, withdrawing his hand.
    At that moment,

That seemed a bit bland as an intro, which is odd since I use it all

the

time. Might want to start of the sentence with something else.

I'll see what I can come up with. It's probably just surprisingly
non-comical after the tone of the prose so far. A humorous expression
for simultaneity... gah. Gotta go read more Pratchett now.

 >     "That," Xellos announced jovially, "is a secret! But today's

mission

isn't, because it was suggested that there's a far greater chance of

you

successfully completing the mission if I tell you what it is."

I doubt the odds go up that much.

Well, of course not. But like they say, the odds of winning the lottery
improve slightly if you buy a ticket.

    "Actually, it's not even classified," Dr. Mori corrected him.

"You

see, the first model, Bloodberry, was built as the perfect example

of an

adult female. As such, her reaction to male advances is somewhat

less

than desirable."

Only go guys. :)

Now, I'm not sure what you mean. But I have a feeling there's a good
reason for that, and volition is probably a large part of it.

    "Yes, rubber," Dr. Mori agreed readily. "As you can see, neither

of

the preprogrammed personalities has met its specifications. That's

why

we created the third model with no personality, memory, or knowledge

of

any kind. We simply call her 'Chii'."

Hehehe. Evil.

No, you're thinking of the OTHER Chii. Her spirit rests within the
Millennium Puzzle and comes out whenever a man gets too close to... down
there.

    "She's a learning machine, of course," said Dr. Mori. "I've
programmed her to mimic everything Moroboshi does and add it to her
database."

Oh, that should be fun

Indeed.

    "Oh my god!" shouted a high-pitched voice from just outside the
police box. "They killed Kenny!"

Good point

I rejected the idea of dressing "Kenny" in a blue coat... wonder why.

    Zenigata shook out the match he'd just used to light his pipe

and

took a puff. Then, he was swinging his arms and kicking in a
disappointing mockery of a cowboy jig. "Come on all you people,

let's

get out on the street/and do a little walking, 'cause that's good

for

the feet!/We're gonna find a killer, you bet your little

head./'Cause by

the end of this chapter, somebody will be dead." He took a bow and

swept

out the door. A buzzer sounded in the distance.

Thank you. That was painfully bad.

Well, I came up with both hoedowns off the top of my head. There was a
brief period (read: ever since I saw the show) when I wanted to be on
Whose Line, and I practiced every chance I got. It apparently didn't
help much.

     With another tap of his nose, Clef created another pit under

Mihoshi's feet. He wiped his front paws with a satisfied smirk until

the

leash around his neck went taut. "Oh, sh-!"

forgot the cardinal rule of cause and effect, he did.

Also the cardinal rule of pratfalls... LOOK OUT!

    Seconds passed, and all was quiet on the surface. A city

inspector

walked past the two holes, looked down at them, and made a few notes

on

his clipboard.

Now this stretches my suspension of disbelief too far. City inspectors
*never* work hard enough to discover things like that. At least ten

people

would have called in with complaints before one would have gone near

the

place, and even then they probably wouldn't have bothered noting

anything.

This is just another example of a hapless bystander getting involved in
events that are far too comic relief for his own good. City inspectors
never work hard enough unless it's funny. ^_^

    "I don't know any blond man but," said the girl, pausing in odd
places as she spoke, "Key is here to, sing a song about, a mission

that

you and, you are supposed to go, on."

Nice cameo.

Thanks. I wanted to use her in the first episode, but hadn't seen the
series at the time. Then I saw the series. The cameo flashback was
simultaneously a Dragon Half reference and a chance to put my new anime
knowledge to some good use.

    "Ha ha ha! Damuramu didn't even need to expend any effort!"

Damuramu

declared triumphantly. His expression quickly turned into one of

pain

for a split second as the groin-leash pulled taut, and he was

quickly

jerked off his feet to join Mihoshi at the bottom of the hole.

Everyone forgetting the cause and effect rule, I see.

It was just too unexpected not to use... I think I even had Mihoshi
scratching her head in the original draft, then remembered that her arms
were pinned by the leash. The rest wrote itself.

    "I think the author just bought the Excel Saga manga he'd been
wanting for so long, and might be planning to integrate it somehow

into

this story," suggested Bloodberry.

Sadly, this sort of thing does happen often enough

To you? Or in general?

    "I can't rightly remember," said Zenigata, taking off his hat to
scratch his head. "What the hell is this? A stupid flower? I don't

need

this crap!" He disgustedly threw the lupin to the ground.

Awww. And he finally caught lupin as well. He never does that.

He did once, in the manga. And as I mentioned before, the resulting
chapter is one of the funniest things I've ever read.

    "There's no such thing as a ghost!" insisted Zenigata. "It's all

a

trick, I tell you!"

True. Yakumo dies all the time and he never becomes a ghost.

But he calls upon demons. That might be close enough for some
definitions.

    "I'm you," replied his other self. "I'm a more lucid, less

spineless

version of you who shows up when your wimpiness becomes so bad that

the

readers can't stomach it anymore."

So he's Amuro Rei from MSG? :)

Never did watch the original Gundam. I haven't liked any of the Gundam
series much. Why do you think Heero Yuy got such a small role?

    The younger man behind the throne sneezed in a way that sounded
distinctly like "RIPOFF!"
*************************************************

Indeed. I agree wholeheartedly. And it has nothing to do with the

SM/EVA

Austin Powers parody I have planned. Nononono.

Well, good. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's uncooked bacon. But
accidentally stealing people's ideas is a close tenth.

    "Ready, Yakumo!" shouted Mihoshi, who had tied her end of the

rope

to a large weight perched on the edge of the pit.
    "Let it go!" ordered Yakumo.

Hmm. Unexpectedly good teamwork.

Mihoshi will often surprise you with her brilliance if there's a
punchline to be found in it.

    The weight flew up from the pit and landed on Yakumo, crushing

him.

Better. :)

I couldn't let him be righteously smug, now could I?

    The girl put her hands on her hips and pouted. "You didn't

forget

little Marin, did you? We used to live together in the orphanage

right

near here!"

Marin? That one eludes me at the moment.

You don't pay enough attention to me. -_-

    "This is no mere sword," said Cell as he raised the weapon to

his

shoulder. "This is the Z Sword, a sacred blade from the great Kai

who

rules over Brigadoon."

Ah yes. Now I recall. Only saw the first 4eps of that or so.

It changes tone pretty quickly later on. Believe it or not, by episode
13, it's almost a complete angst-fest. It's the juxtaposition and comic
relief that make it such a treat. And I've got the rest of the series on
special order. Should only be another couple of years now...

BUSINESSMAN: Mihoshi, Nuku and Nuku? Forget the lawyers! We'll let

them

dig their own grave!
VOICEOVER: Mihoshi, Nuku and Nuku. For the love of God, DON'T CALL

THEM!

Paid for by the law offices of Mihoshi, Nuku and Nuku

That was a bit flat. Recommend axeing it.

Perhaps... it's a parody of a commercial that plays all the time in the
local area... the Law Offices of Keller and Keller. I'll definitely try
to come up with a better commercial for the next one... or indeed axe
the idea altogether.

52 Curses

http://nidoking.anifics.com/52Curses.html

@@@BACK TO THE SHOW@@@

Now that was more amusing. Excessively gratuitous and makes me want to

slap

you due to envy. Very good work.

Envy? Wow, I'm flattered. ^_^ *blushy* So, you plan to read the story
now that I've advertised it?

    "I've seen enough!" said Natsumi, pulling him away from the

corpse.

"Both of you are coming with me, and that's that. You're Under

Arrest!"

Argh! The worst line of all. :)

And yet, I wouldn't change a word of it for the world.

    "Of course!" exclaimed Shinji. "It all makes sense! He was the
author who inspired this story, so of course he'd have to be in it
somewhere!"
    D.B. shook his head. "There's one problem with that. If I were
really D.B. Sommer, I wouldn't be married to Naru."

Oui. Tis a good point.

I know. As would anyone who's read The Replacement Excels, which
hopefully includes everyone who's seen my new cover page for this story
that has the link in it.

    "Wait!" protested D.B. "I WANT you to be Mutsumi!" But it was

too

late, as the mask came off.

Quon?

I have yet to see RahXephon... I might, though.

    D.B. and Shinji gasped in unison. "KANAKO?!"

Blech. And I was so close.

DB trudges off in a depressed state.

Could be worse. Could have been Raven from Teen Titans. Then you'd BOTH
be depressed.

NIDOKING: Doesn't it just beg for an episode based on the original
manga?

Why? The anime series never did. :)

Of course it did. Most of the first DVD was based rather loosely on the
manga, with extra scenes and characters thrown in higgledy-piggledy.
(I've been waiting my whole life to use that word.)

*************************************************
Pop-under notes: You don't seriously need me to explain these a

second

time, do you? It's a meta-explanation anyway. If you can't figure

that

much out on your own, you probably didn't even realize that this

entire

episode was a parody of Scooby Doo. Did you?

He teamed up with Johnny Bravo once, didn't he?

Yep. And as I mentioned in the notes below, watching that episode again
made me realize where I'd gotten the idea to write this episode in the
first place. I just did a much subtler job of it.

Chii: The main persocom from Chobits. Like her QEFEFZ incarnation,

the

original Chii began the story with no memory or personality, and

learned

everything by mimicking the main character, Hideki. I think that

Chii

learned more quickly, though.

Yeah. Hideki was a slow learner.

Most shoujo anime males seem to be. It comes with the territory. After
all, where would the romantic conflict be if the boy KNEW the girl was
in love with him?

Wang: The evil vizier in The Irresponsible Captain Tylor. Is it just

me,

or did viziers exist for the sole purpose of being evil and plotting

to

take over the kingdom? Have you EVER heard of a "good vizier"?

Odin in the Marvel comics had one. 'Grand Vizier' I believe was what

he was

called.

Hmmm... I suspect him of treacherous plotting. Better watch that guy
carefully.

Sousuke Sagara: A main character of Fullmetal Panic. I say "a"

because

Chidori's a hell of a lot more fun. I didn't change Sousuke's
personality either, but at least I like his series.

Got to get around to watching that one. And the rest of Witch Hunter

Robin.

But then, I've been busy.

I avoided FMP for a long time, and now I can't imagine why I did. It's a
great series... almost like two series in one. And the manga's downright
hilarious.

Mutsumi: D.B.'s favorite Love Hina character.

Favorite character period, now followed by Quon from RahXephon who is

in the

number 2 spot.

Well, the statement is still accurate. Just not as strong as it could
be.

Nice fic. Glad I finally got around to reading it. I enjoyed it

immensly.

I'm glad you did too, and more glad that you enjoyed it. I just hope
episode 3 keeps up the standard... I expect I have a difficult task
ahead of me. But I've got a great idea and some wonderful inspiration...
*cuddles his LIttle Snow Fairy Sugar collection*

- Nidoking

Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do
it himself.

My not-so-humble webpage of fanfiction and other random junk has MOVED:
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