On 25 Nov 2003 at 22:22, Aaron Nowack wrote:

        She floated, a dark, featureless void surrounding her. It seemed
to go on forever, forcing her to break off her study or risk madness.
She could feel herself, could see as she said the her that was in
control now said those horrible things to Usagi. Made her cry. That had
surprised the her that was forced to watch. Usagi never cried where she
could be seen. She saw herself turn away from Usagi, mocking her tears
with more harsh words. Saw Usagi try to get through to her. Saw herself
slap Usagi viciously, calling her a worthless sentimental fool.

The "she said" in "could see as she said the her"  shouldn't be there, I
don't think.

It would probably better to either first go through this bit through
Usagi's point of view or to rewrite from Rei's with more details as to
what is actually happening.  Like, where they are, what they were
talking about, and what exactly is being said. As is it just seems like
there's a missing scene.

Also, it's hard to see any motivation for Jadeite to have Rei do such a
thing.

Oh...this stuff actually happened?  I thought Rei was having visions 
of the future or something, which just brought out her whole Sailor 
Mars bit.  If this really happens, then it REALLY REALLY REALLY needs 
to be made into an actual scene instead of a summary as it is here.  
It'd be best from Usagi's POV, too.

The Jadeite thing is quite confusing.  I don't see how he could get 
any energy out of this whole scenario.  There's also nothing 
indicating that he has discovered the identity of Sailor Moon or knew 
that Rei was Sailor Mars, either, so that's out as a motivation.  
This really needs to be cleared up.

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