Richard Lawson <nouma@msn.com> writes:
To understand what's happening in this story, you should at the very least
read "Thy Outward Part", which for the moment can be found here:
Not going to do a line-by-line or scene-by-scene, because I thought on
the whole it was a very good fic and nothing jumped out at me. But
focusing on the larger view: the beginning part of this was
good. Really good. I felt immersed in depression, in a state where
every look no matter how innocent is interpreted badly, where Ranma
wanted to be left alone. Having the phone calls be essentially
anonymous was a very good touch (in contrast with the nameless
boyfriend of TOP, who appears in the second half when all the other
characters are appearing and named).
THe second half, all in all, I thought was less than the first. Less
riveting, less self-sufficient (it intertwined too much with TOP to
stand alone as a story, I thought), just... less. On the plus, side,
though, it showed a Ranma fighting to get back to equilibrium. But I
didn't like the scene where Ranma showed off her skills:
She'd had to ask *that* question. "Coach, I can be acrobatic and maybe even
flamboyant, and ain't none of that depends on... on my gender. Look."
Ranma ran to the mat, jumped, twisted in the air, landed, launched herself
backwards, tucked, did two somersaults in the air, kicked out just as the
mat was approaching her head, pushed off with her hands and sprang upright,
her arms upright at a slight angle to her body, her wrists rotated so her
palms faced outwards. "Tell me what any of that had to do with being
female."
Given the restraint that Ranma has been showing throughout the rest of
the fic, that seemed very out of character. Furthermore, it doesn't
seem like a realistic flow of dialogue. She says something, goes off
for 10 seconds on a routine, then comes back and continues talking.
The very ending was a nice touch for giving a look at future events,
but I can't help but wonder if it'd be better off as a prequel and a
sequel, rather than a 'Ranma's perspective near beginning and middle
of TOP, and post-TOP scene'.
Just my two cents.