Hmm.


My single biggest problem with this is the repeated use of a sledgehammer to
drive home the point that Ranma is being ogled left and right by men and is
sick of it. It's not necessary to bludgeon the reader to death with your
premise.

Also, Ranma's "I hate my life and I hate myself so I'm going to take it out
on the whole fucking world, especially the part of it that doesn't have a
pussy" attitude is really grating. You could stand to tone down her PMSing
just a *teensy* bit, I think...

Actually, tone it down a lot. To be honest, the extreme, excessive angst
going on in here is really, really sour. Reading this is like trying to wash
down a plate of sauerkraut and liver marinated in lemon juice with a bottle
of vinegar.

I'm not saying everything here is bad, mind you, don't get me wrong. Once
the angsting stops, it's good, if not great, from there on. Really, though,
it'd be better if the angst weren't being dropped on the reader like an
anvil in a Warner Bros. cartoon.

--------------------------------------
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com




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