Disclaimer and warning: The following commentary on this story is written
with heavy bias as a serious fan of Rockman.EXE/MMBN, and with heavy bias as
a writer and reader. I realise that some fanfiction is written for an
entirely different purpose than other fanfiction. However, mine is not to
judge the whims of writers--mine is simply to comment on what is laid before
me. That having been said...

"Good morning, professor, or perhaps I should say good

afternoon."

REFORMAT. HTML escapes are not a suitable replacement for actual punctuation
marks in a plaintext medium.

"Of course I can talk," he snapped, looking annoyed.  "I'm

light >years beyond those primitive Navis that can only say their names over
and over >again."

Err...

IIRC, there were never any such Navis. You're thinking about viruses like
Metool, perhaps...in the games, early Navis are said to have been just
barely below the AI level of "programs", which are still intelligent enough
to speak and apparently self-aware.

*snip Zero's battle and subsequent conversation with Sophia*

...that made very little sense whatsoever...

To Sophia's relief, she no longer remained ghostly to Zero once she

brought >him into her hard drive.  She conjured a comfortable sofa for him
to relax on--an >operating table would have just been entirely too odd--and
then busied herself >with closing his wounds as her helper Mettools began
scanning him for any >serious damage.

...she has helper viruses? OK...MMBN3's virus summon chips and Rush from the
anime notwithstanding, I'm not quite buying this, sorry...

"Amazing," Sophia breathed as she got a closer look at his code.

A >lesser Navi could not have survived the level of corruption Zero's files
sectors

"files sectors"? Let's try "data" there, maybe? For the sake of simplicity?

Sigma.exe's lip curled into a sneer as he stabbed his saber into the

Reploid.  >Weak.  They were all weak.  But then, what did he expect from an
imperfect >copy?

So he's ripping off Bass.exe's MO. And Reploids? In the network? That
doesn't make a lot of sense. Reploids are a specific type of android. Navis
are not androids, they're computer programs. One is physical, the other is
virtual.

X felt mildly ill as he surveyed the carnage before him.  The Navi here

were all >injured beyond repair, and except for one guard whose head had
been cleaved >from his shoulders,

Deleted Navis usually *disappear*, you know...


*snip remainder*

It's a pity you labelled this as an MMBN fic when it clearly isn't. This is
a weak attempt to fuse Megaman Zero, Megaman X, and MMBN, done through a
spotty, haphazard series of random event and character crosses, slapping
everything into the Navi-oriented network theme of MMBN without rhyme or
reason, and blatantly ignoring a lot of the basic precepts of the MMBN world
in the process. It seems as though the entire point of this whole writing
exercise was "Hi! I'm a Zero fangirl! I just watched someone play MMBN for
ten minutes! I thought it'd be cool to make Zero and X and Sigma all Navis!
I hate X, so I thought I'd make him look like a brainless twit! I like
writing overblown action scenes without bothering to add any background for
them! I just want to write Zero kicking Sigma's butt! In cyberspace! Because
it's kewl!" Also, the pacing is extremely off, and the sequence of events
disjointed...the way it's written, I'd hazard a guess that you tried to
write the story from a certain point--namely the introduction of Zero,
decided writing any background for it was an unnecessary waste of time, then
decided you were too eager to write the major battle chapter to bother
writing the middle of the story which would have helped the pacing and
cleared things up a lot. The characterisation is very shallow, and Zero's
attitude towards X is inexplicable. Nothing really makes sense in this
story, and you don't seem to care about trying to *make* it make sense. As a
result, what you've written is little more than a series of random
paragraphs, barely connected by a thin plot thread, which are unsupported by
anything except each other, and which culminate and terminate in a
cliffhanger which, like everything else in this story, makes so little sense
that one can't help but not really care whether there will be a second
chapter.

--------------------------------------
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com



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