This is Tokyo, she of the glittering lights and blinding streets. A
- I'm sure this has been pointed out already, but *shrug* the word she
in there is out of place.
No it's not. The writer is referring to the city with a female pronoun for
the purpose of personification.
though often crime can vex those in charge of meting out justice.
- Should be "meeting".
Err, no, it shouldn't. "Meting" and "meeting" are two entirely different
verbs. "to meet" does not mean the same thing as "to mete". You can't "meet
out" justice; you can, however, "mete" out justice.
But Nyamo was standing stock-still, her face locked in a rictus of
horror and her shoulders shaking not unlike jello on a paint mixer. She
- "...of horror, and her shoulders..." Nice visual, by the way.
No comma is needed here, as there is no pause indicated in this sentence.
The word "and" does not always require a comma before it; it's helpful to be
cognisant of when it does and when it does not.
"We did! Those lazy jerks were no help," Tomo groused. "They say
that they didn't see anyone suspicious around here, and the police won't
come because it's an act of nature."
- When did they do that? Or did time pass between the opening and the
disclaimers and such?
Seems clear enough to me that time passed. *shrug*
Once Chiyo was done with the car, Kagura clenched her duct-tape
covered fist and slapped it against every last square inch of the
- Is it open or closed? A clenched fist does more of a punch then a slap.
This has what to do with anything, precisely?
--------------------------------------
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com
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