This is Tokyo, she of the glittering lights and blinding streets. A

- I'm sure this has been pointed out already, but *shrug* the word she
in there is out of place.

though often crime can vex those in charge of meting out justice.

- Should be "meeting".

fallen victims of the torrential storm that had just passed. Most, if
not all of the cars were covered under a blanket of pink and green.

- I would put a comma after the word all, here. I'm not sure if that's a
strict rule or just something that seems right in my head, however.

      An ordinary calico cat was happily licking its paws on the hood of
a small blue sedan, savoring the lingering taste of its most recent
meal. Its peace was interrupted, though, when a sudden, excited shriek

- Was it poor Sakaki's hand? ;_;

      But Nyamo was standing stock-still, her face locked in a rictus of
horror and her shoulders shaking not unlike jello on a paint mixer. She

- "...of horror, and her shoulders..." Nice visual, by the way.

      "AAAH! AAAH! AAAAAH!" Nyamo's trademark freak-out started

- >_> Nyamo has a trademark freak-out? She might get upset sometimes, but
I think she's fairly calm, considering how much time she spends around
Yukari.

Nyamo's insurance slip was already throbbing in pain.

- I like that line. ^-^

      "Wish I knew," Nyamo composed herself, already thinking about

- Despite that she's a gym teacher, I think Nyamo would go for a more
complete sentence and say "I wish I knew", here. But it's just a suggestion.

      "We did! Those lazy jerks were no help," Tomo groused. "They say
that they didn't see anyone suspicious around here, and the police won't
come because it's an act of nature."

- When did they do that? Or did time pass between the opening and the
disclaimers and such?

      Once Chiyo was done with the car, Kagura clenched her duct-tape
covered fist and slapped it against every last square inch of the

- Is it open or closed? A clenched fist does more of a punch then a slap.

      "All right, fine, I'll drop you off at your place," Nyamo rolled
her eyes. "But I really need to leave my car at the shop before it
closes! I can't leave it like this until tomorrow!"
      "Uh..." Yukari mulled over this for a moment, weighing her
inability to help with the case against having to walk or --she
grimaced-- taking public transportation back home. Nyamo's comfy (if
recently drafty) ride won the battle.

- How did Yukari get to school? Didn't she drive her car, and then not
want to keep the crab there?

- Very interesting, all in all :-) I hope it's not going to end up being
that the calico did it. Not because I don't think cats are capable of
crimes, but
because that's pretty predictable. Oh, and I think you did Osaka perfectly.
^-^

- Denise


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