Whee, feedback! Time to viciously insul- er, politely reply to my
adoring public once again. No, really. I meant that.
Rikdo leapt to his feet. "You... you're that guy! The one who
bastardized my beloved story and tore it to shreds!"
That narrows it down, doesn't it? ;-)
Less than 70 people, if fanfiction.net's count is to be trusted. I
assume it isn't.
Nidoking exhaled a puff of smoke. "Beautiful," he whispered.
Then he
broke down coughing. "Dammit! Why do I keep doing that?"
Speaks pretty well for somebody coughing their lungs out.
Whereas most final speeches are delivered while coughing lungs out
literally. It's dramatic.
"Hail, Lord Clef!" shouted Mihoshi, saluting as smartly as she
could
without becoming a living oxymoron.
I thought that's what she... oh, *oxy*moron. Sorry.
"Hey! I ain't no ox-moron!"
"As I was about to say, there's no need for me to give you your
mission ahead of time today," said Clef. "Since this body is
significantly smaller and much less mineral than my own - for the
moment - I can accompany you and give you orders in the field."
Hmm... didn't he only become mineral at the end of the last episode?
Nope. Mihoshi turned the stone gun on him right at the beginning. He
transferred his spirit into Plue at the end of the episode. And you
thought there was no coherence in the story....
"Yep!" agreed Nuku Nuku, beaming proudly. "He even gave me a
chest
cavity of my very own for storing things in, like milk!" She sat up
and
pulled up her shirt to show everyone. "See? Isn't it big?"
Moroboshi covered his eyes and turned away. "The horror!" he
screamed.
Nuriko scowled. "Geez, even *I* have more chest than that!"
Is this one of those continuity things?
http://www.yale.edu/anime/imgarchive/nuku_nuku/NukuNuku-PhaseV_10.jpg
(or
http://www.yale.edu/anime/imgarchive/nuku_nuku/AnimeV-OAV93-03.jpg
)
doesn't suggest she's particularly under-endowed...
Well, she's replacing the younger Ropponmatsu, so I reduced her apparent
age by a few years. I believe I explained that in the notes following
the first chapter. One of the few liberties I took with the
characterizations, since most of the characters fit perfectly into their
roles.
"The Nuku Nuku model was built from my original blueprint,
removing
the modifications for 'decency', 'modesty', and 'conformance to
child
pornography regulations' that my superiors inserted without my
permission," continued Dr. Mori. "That led to its own problems, of
course."
So this wasn't the original blueprints, which were modified by his
superiors, but instead the original original blueprints? Something's
not right here...
Dr. Mori designed a very young female android (Nuku Nuku), but his
superiors modified it into an older version (Bloodberry) for the first
production model. I assume they worked with the people who dubbed Sailor
Moon and Cardcaptors. Dr. Mori restored his original, unmodified design
for the second model.
"It's a secret!" Xellos announced jovially. "But you'll learn
all
about it at the police box at the corner."
Gee, not much for consistency, is he? ;-)
But actually, I thought the joke was a little belabored by this point.
Possibly. That's why I just glossed over it. The running gag will
probably become less frequent and more varied starting in the next
chapter.
"The first rule of detective work is to always know where your
hat
is!" lectured their instructor, the usual inhabitant of the police
box
at the corner.
Are police boxes usually inhabited? I thought they were basically
telephone booths with special purpose phones. Looking further on, it
seems to suggest that they're all stuffed inside the police box,
too... which seems unlikely, for all that Moroboshi might enjoy it.
The police box, or "kouban", is a box that sits on many street corners
in Japan (a different box for each corner, naturally) which is a bit
larger than a phone booth and houses a police officer whose main duty is
to provide directions to the lost, as most of Japan's street systems are
abundantly confusing. Such is my understanding, anyway.
"Screw the police!" shouted Zenigata. "The police can't even
capture
one lousy internationally-wanted thief!
Well, if they ever captured him, they could delouse him!
They did once, according to the manga. One of the funniest chapters ever
resulted... chapter 2. It's a must-read.
Zenigata nodded and pulled a cord, unrolling the screen on the
wall.
"Here's what we know so far," he announced, flipping the switch that
turned the lights off.
So this is an interior wall? That suggests to me everybody is crammed
inside (see above), and make sme confused as to how big the police box
is.
I'm beginning to think I just don't know what a police box is.
Well, most police boxes are indeed far too small to hold all these
people, but the police box in the Excel Saga anime was just as large on
the inside. The real punchline here was when Zenigata reminds them that
it's just an ordinary police box.
"Very well! Prepare to tremble before my might!" shouted the man
who
was not really DiCaprio
This seemed a little off. The DiCaprio line was nice, but this 'was
not really DiCaprio' seemed a little too much.
Well, I wanted to identify him, but you might be right about this one. I
should remove the rest of that sentence and leave the dialogue
unattributed. That's about how much attention I've paid to the various
C&C-ish threads that went on last week....
"Ha ha ha! Damuramu didn't even need to expend any effort!"
Damuramu
declared triumphantly. His expression quickly turned into one of
pain
for a split second as the groin-leash pulled taut, and he was
quickly
jerked off his feet to join Mihoshi at the bottom of the hole.
OK, I was not expecting that.
Nor was I, frankly. I'd completely forgotten about that leash at this
point. Sometimes, things work out even better than I plan. That is to
say, sometimes they work.
An orphan, enigmatically potentially a villain? I for one horrified
moment thought you were going to rip off Charlie's Angels 2.
At this point, I hadn't seen it. And I can't think of a way to rip it
off, since it was already such a ripoff to begin with. I was just using
Marin to replace Cosette, who was an orphan-turned-assassin in the
original anime.
http://nidoking.anifics.com/52Curses.html
Hmm. So, advertising fanfics. How deshpicable.
Hey, I gave you a commercial parody this time as well! Don't complain.
(And, does your advertising apartment give bulk discounts?)
Nope. This single ad cost me over ten times as much as my Sugoicon
badge.
"Wait, hold it!" called Rally, as she emerged from a door on the
near side of the train. "The door gag just doesn't work in prose."
"Then you'd best find somewhere else to run!" warned Wang, as
the
train finally completed its crossing, revealing him standing at the
far
How did I know there was going to be a chase sequence?
Because you caught the subtle clues I'd been dropping throughout the
episode?
On the whole, a very enjoyable read. It felt a little less spontaneous
than the first episode, unsurprisingly; but I was still laughing at a
number of scenes, so I'm happy with it :-) This was definitely towards
the upper bound of length, for pure humour; the plot would have to be
a little more coherent for any longer chapter.
Yeah... as I noted in the story, it was getting much longer than I'd
anticipated before I got to the plot itself. There was supposed to be a
good deal more at the mansion, and more clues, but I realized that once
I started the real plot, the Scooby Doo references would be too obvious
and the humor would be much less effective. So I squashed it into a few
pages and tacked it on the end in my usual fashion.
On the other hand, the plot made just about as much sense as the
average
scooby doo episode, so...
For good reason, indeed.
Anyway, glad you like the episode, and I hope the next one continues to
be entertaining, humorous, and completely inane.
- Quack Experimental Fanfic Author Nidoking
Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do
it himself.
My not-so-humble webpage of fanfiction and other random junk has MOVED:
http://nidoking.anifics.com Update your bookmarks!
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