In a message dated 11/18/2003 12:36:30 PM Eastern Standard Time, 
thermopyle@tds.net writes:

I've only watched up to episode sixteen of Sailor Moon, but I'm
already quite sure that Beryl is not a patient woman.  Letting

Jaedite

run around on his own for years while suffering constant defeats at
the hands of Sailor Moon simply isn't believable.  She would either
have done the same thing she did in the anime--that freezing thing,
whatever it was--or she would have let her other generals go to

work.

Years of patient waiting is something I just can't believe.

If you haven't noticed, this is *NOT* based on the anime, but on the

new

live-action version. Events are *VERY* different in some respects in

that.

I've only seen the first episode of that.  I didn't see anything in
the fic, disclaimers or otherwise, to say this is based on the LA
series rather than just differences introduced by the thing being AU.
Is there anything in the fic to show that, or did you simply know
beforehand from talking with the author?  Regardless, the above
paragraph is still true--I can't see Beryl waiting around for years
with only one general working on getting energy.  Even if this is a LA
AU.

       Other than the characterization issues, the big tip-offs are the 
mention of the "gentleman bandit" and Minako as an idol singer.

The plot progression isn't really believable.  Things developing

the

way they are now, after years of Usagi being on her own like
this...well, I have trouble with that.  There doesn't seem to be

any

reason for it.  Since I haven't seen Minako's introduction I can't

say

whether her introduction at this point works, but it feels wrong to
me--it feels like she should have shown up ages earlier.

Again, this isn't based on the anime, and Minako is a rather...

different

character in the LA version.

Regardless of whether this is based on the anime, the years-later
thing is hard to go along with.  Minako's characterization isn't
something I was commenting on.

       And I was commenting on how your lack of knowledge of her anime 
introduction was irrelevant.

This really doesn't feel like Usagi.  By this point I really want

to

know how old Usagi is supposed to be.  The introduction for her job
made me think she was some kind of cop, too, which isn't good.

Journalist. It's pretty obvious, really... and again, this is based

on the LA

version. A lot of the characters and interactions are different on

that.

Um, actually... The beginning of the conversation was cliche
wake-up-the-cop call.  The rest of the scene indicated that she is a
photographer, NOT a journalist--she was called in to take pictures,
the equipment she took along was camera-related...no matter what this
is based on, that's how it reads.  The author can't assume knowledge
of the LA series--especially without making clear that this is based
on that--and leaving this background information up to the reader is a
bad move because most readers will be familiar with the anime or manga
and not the LA.

       A newspaper photographer is still a journalist, as is anyone whose 
profession is working on newspaper or news magazine articles.

I didn't really get much of an impression from the scene between

him

and Sailor Moon to indicate that they were very close as honorable
enemies, so this feels a bit weak.  Also, the whole mystery of her
rage thing seems off.  When Sailor Moon showed up the Dark Kingdom
(and Jaedite, as being in charge during this period) had just

started

the attacks.  It wouldn't be that difficult for Jaedite to look

into

possible causes for Sailor Moon to be after revenge.  Granted, the
characters in the original story aren't smart enough for that, but
this isn't the original story.

Again, this is based on the LA version -- Jadeite is a rather

different

character in that.

You're comment doesn't seem related to mine at all.

       That should be 'your' (you're an English teacher, so I feel obligated 
to point that out) and you commented that " When Sailor Moon showed up the 
Dark Kingdom (and Jaedite, as being in charge during this period) had just
started the attacks."

       In the LA, and, for that matter, the anime and manga, now that I think 
about it, that's not true.

This made no sense to me.  Why would Tuxedo Mask jump in and haul

her

out like that?  His assumption here--that she's being attacked, or
something--makes no sense.  Especially not with the fact that they
have met each other prior to this scene, and so he should know that
she is quite capable of fighting on her own.

       No, they haven't -- met eachother, that is, and Tuxedo Kamen

is...

again... a rather different character in the LA version.

At the beginning of the story Usagi is happy to discover a rose which
she can show to Rei to find out clues about Tuxedo Mask's identity.
It reads more as a personal interest than a journalistic one.  Maybe
they haven't met, but it reads as though they have in that scene--and
considering Tuxedo Mask's presence in the first battle of every
continuity, it's hard to believe he didn't show up until now.  I'm
pretty sure that most people will believe she has met Tuxedo Mask
previously before they read the meeting later in the chapter.  That
should have been in a flashback, because at this point it's just
another timing problem brought about by this whole
'years-later-yet-nothing-has-happened' theme.

          Disregarding the first part, you might want to remember the 
*REASON* Tuxedo Mask showed up at those first battles -- somehow, I don't think they 
apply here.

And again, this feels absolutely nothing like Usagi.

       Read further and see why she acts like this.

I read the entire chapter before commenting.  I'm aware of the
justifications that the story presents.  This still doesn't feel like
Usagi, even a changed one.

       It's closer to the LA Usagi than the anime one, true, which was 
another reason why I said it's based on the LA.

I'm wondering how they met and how their relationship developed

like

this.

       So am I, frankly.

This isn't in the present--this is in the past!  Also, this whole
youma approach doesn't fit with the series.  Jaedite's youmas

always

went for massive crowds, which wouldn't be found in a

house-to-house

approach.  I haven't really gotten the impression that in this AU

all

youmas rip up their victims, either--you need to go one way or the
other, I think, either they do or they don't.

       This is the divergance point (in modern times), actually. I'd

wait a

bit longer and see just what's going on here.

I was commenting on the header for the section, which said "present"
even though this occurs in the past of the main story.

       Ah. My mistake.

Since when do youma physically kill their victims?  Again, I've

only

seen up to ep sixteen, but the victims are always drained without
physical harm.  That is also true of at least the second half of

the R

season, which I read the manga for.  I don't get this whole covered

in

her parents' blood thing.

       We don't know why this happened yet -- it's a good idea to

wait and

see just what's going on in that respect.

The 'present' scene showed Usagi and her parents' blood.  The opening
scene showed a youma draining its victim without doing any physical
harm.  The two don't match.  If the first scene had the youma
slaughtering its victim, the story would read as a consistently more
serious AU of SM.  As it is, the presentation is simply confusing.
It's fine if it's consistent, but if not, there should be some
specific reason for the difference in the case of Usagi's parents, and
I don't get the impression that there is one.  It reads as the author
wanting Usagi on the warpath and so killing off her parents even
though the method doesn't make sense.

       There may be one -- we don't know. That's why I said to wait and see,

Where's her brother?

       In a coma.

That can be guessed.  It should, however, be addressed specifically
that Shingo has never recovered from what happened.

       True, but it's *VERY* strongly implied.

Hm.  Overall thoughts?  This isn't Usagi.  The way that Usagi ended

up

here from her original state is quite unclear.  How Usagi ended up
very dominant in her relationship with Luna isn't indicated.  How

the

whole lesbian thing with Rei showed up is never even mentioned.

The

respectful relationship between Jaedite and Usagi that developed

isn't

very clear.  The idea of all this waiting years to happen (by this
point all of the other SM enemies should have long since shown up,
too, which is a problem) is hard to go along with.

       Your comments are rather obviously pointing to the fact that

you

didn't notice which continuity this AU was based on.

My comments have absolutely nothing to do with continuity and
everything to do with this story.  Very few of them are at all related
to continuity problems.  Try reading what I said instead of just
skimming through it with a bunch of assumptions.

       That was both a comment on your overall criticism and on your 
statement that "this isn't Usagi".       



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