Suggested changes: {before : after}

On Thu, 13 Nov 2003 21:29:32 -0500 LSMcGill <lsmcgill@hotmail.com> wrote:

AND PLEASE, any commentary is greatly appreciated...  {particuarly :
particularly} since I'm not quite happy with this chapter... but I'm
not sure how to fix it to my liking... so please, rip it apart as you
please, you never know what I might find useful.

Ukyo found her gaze caught by the tattoo's eyes... the same gold eyes
she had stared at in Zhu Shu's face, and she swallowed.  Her eyes
traced down the {spiraling : spiralling} dragon until it came to the
swords, and her heart nearly stopped as she saw her spatula entangled
within the ribbons embrace.

The voice was soft.  {feminine : Feminine}.

Or use a comma after soft.

All in all, things had gone exceptionally smooth.  Even Ryouga had
found his way back for a visit, bringing Kasumi a small bush filled
with small lopsided purple flowers he had said were called Adara's
Rose.  Kasumi had planted them, and the scent of the flower had
permeated the house, seeming to drive the lingering {odor : odour} of
Soun's cigarettes into non existence.  He had, of course, gotten lost
again on the way to school two days later, but the rivalry between him
and Ranma had been less heated, and was starting to seem more like
habit every time he came by.

"I know that, but my mom and dad {all :: both} say she's visited
before.  They even have pictures!  And she ransacked my room!"
Everyone's eyes went to the gaudy, red, white, and blue uniformed
figure of {Sailormoon : Sailor Moon}.  The black haired woman's eyes
narrowed.

"And just who are you supposed to be?"

"I'm the Pretty Sailor-suited Soldier of Love and Justice, {Sailormoon
: Sailor Moon}!  And for seeking to harm innocents, I shall defeat
you."

Then a reflex she didn't even know she had kicked in as she leaped
above the swath of flame, performed a flip in mid-air, and landed
behind the woman.  A further reflex kicked in as she continued the
motion of her landing into a roundhouse kick that connected with the
woman's temple, tossing her off the dojo roof into the garden,
unconscious.  She stared at her own foot in amazement for a second
before she lost her balance and fell off the roof herself with a loud
squawk.

Are the universes ready for a graceful Usagi?

Ranma had moved to look over the unconscious woman.  "Not your usual
run of the mill {yoma : youma}.  She looks human.  Except for this
black moon crescent on her forehead."

Once they were sure the woman wasn't going to be going anywhere, Usagi
pulled out her {scepter : sceptre} and prepared as Zhu Shu waved a
smelling salt under the woman's nose.  She coughed and jerked awake.

The fact that Kodachi had shown up in the company of Valmont and his
cronies, technically working for Xi'an Chi, worried her too.  She had
seen no evidence that Kodachi had been tainted by the sorcerer since
her aura was unchanged, without the swirl of blackness she had seen in
Mint's, but her experience was so limited she didn't trust it entirely.
She hoped that Kodachi really was still herself.

Considering how demented Kodachi was even before her fight with Akane,
that might not be all that good a thing.

Akane lifted her eyebrow.  "A secret admirer?  Or just someone who
doesn't like Kodachi?"  She walked over to Zhu Shu as she was opening
the lid.  "Or it could be a..."

A cloud of gas escaped as Akane said "...trap."  It dissipated quickly,
but both girls slumped to the floor as Shan Pu jumped towards them.  It
was already too late, they were both sound asleep, and no amount of
shaking would wake them.  She picked up the box and caught the small
note that fluttered out, puzzling out the kanji for "Best Wishes.  K"

I could smell that one coming.  It is necessary though.

"Okay, the tryouts are beginning.  In this corner, Kodachi Kuno!
Former Champion of St.  {Hebereki's : Hebereke's}!"

Kodachi faded into visibility as she flew into the ropes and was dumped
to the mat.  She rolled barely in time to avoid the hammer blow of Shan
Pu's club as it slashed down and through the canvas.  She came up in
the {center : centre} of the mat, but slipped, catching herself as her
foot slid in a puddle of water.

Then her hands were gripped by iron, and she was held immobile.  Her
eyes rose to meet Ranma's cold stare.  Shan Pu's eyes were fixed on
Ranma as well, but the red head showed absolutely no signs of panic,
just controlled fury.

That's a breakthrough.  Ranma's able to get close to Shan Pu in cat form.

As Shan Pu started purring in ecstasy, they both fainted again.

Maybe passed out again instead.  They really hadn't fainted the first
time.

--
Mac :})
Give a hobbit a fish and he eats fish for a day.
Give a hobbit a ring and he eats fish for an age.


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