Suggested changes: {before : after}

On Sun, 19 Oct 2003 09:23:33 -0500 The Eternal Lost Lurker
<lurkerdrome@sbcglobal.net> wrote:

The woman--a girl, really, no more than fifteen years of age--snorted,
{kicki ng : kicking} a stray pebble into the canal below.  "Yeah,
that's right.  Look down on the foreigner.  I don't wanna be here any
more than you stupid bastards want me here."  She sighed.  "Just cos
I'm no great shakes with the language doesn't mean I don't know when
I'm being insulted.  God, I hate this fucking country."

"But I don't want to be here at ALL, Timothy!"  Mina cried angrily,
slamming a fist on the rail.  "Why couldn't she have let me board in
England and attend a public {: school}?  Or send me to a boarding
school?  Anything would've been better than THIS!"  She gestured
expansively.  "I don't like Japan."  She sniffled and leaned into the
older man's chest.

Unless you are intentionally shortening it.  I know the public school is
different in England than it is in the US, do they have those kind of
public schools there for girls too?

He looked around, and shook his head.  "Not here.  Not now."  He handed
her a business card with an address scrawled on the back.  "There's a
little bar in the {third street : Third Street} district.  Meet me
there whenever you can.  I'll be waiting."

"Well then," the girl's father said, his tone now far more casual and
relaxed, "why don't you two go get to know each other without us
interfering?"

Except for setting up the entire engagement, of course.

"Your crows have been rather uneasy of late, {granddaughter :
Granddaughter}."

Rei seems the least changed, so far.  The change in Ami seems mostly
due to Usagi being different and not pulling her in.

Shaking her head, she berated herself for getting distracted by such
irrelevant musings.  She needed to keep the shrine under surveillance,
but that wouldn't be easy to do without giving herself away--and if she
dared to approach the priestess openly, she could come out much the
worse for it.  Not only had she seen the girl's kendou {practice :
practise}, she was also painfully aware that her spiritual prowess was
formidable.

Walking back to the bathroom, she grabbed a bottle of mouthwash from
her medicine cabinet and spent five whole minutes gargling, then
dropped her terrycloth robe on the floor and ran herself a hot bath.
She always took a long, hot bath after a job.  Especially after a job
like tonight.  As an afterthought, she added a {sizeable : sizable}
amount of bubblebath to the water.  Testing it with a toe, she nodded
to herself, then slid into the tub and gave a heavy sigh.

Turning off the phone, Makoto sighed, growled out a few choice swear
words, then drained the bath.  She rinsed off the suds from the
bubblebath with the showerhead, then {toweled : towelled} herself and
dried her hair as quickly as possible.  She then raced over to her
closet and selected a dark green cheongsam, white silk panties, and
slippers.  She dressed rapidly, put her hair up in what she hoped would
pass for a Chinese style, and applied just a bit of makeup.

Sato was one of thousands of homeless people living on the streets of
Tokyo.  He'd once been a successful salaryman, with a family and a good
life.  Then, he'd had a moment of indiscretion--with a nine-year-old
girl.  His wife had found out from his employer, who had found out from
his secretary, who had been looking for anything to use against him to
get him fired since he had begun making unwanted sexual advances on
her.

Picky, picky, picky.

Mina stared at him.  "You think I'm one of them, don't you?"

Quicker on the uptake then the usual Minako.

Mamoru handed the receptionist a wad of bills and received a laminated
badge which he clipped onto his shirt pocket.  He bowed, thanked her,
and quickly joined the museum tour.  He pretended to be interested in
the long-winded, boring lecture on the history of chrysoberyl and
various offshoots of jade, found himself actually slightly intrigued by
an exhibition of unusual samples of quartz found on a partially
submerged island in the Indian Ocean, and suffered through the round of
questions about everything from geodes to diamonds to things the
questioners clearly had no working knowledge of.

I'm slightly surprised Mamoru didn't take Usagi.  I'm sure his parents
are pushing him to go out with her to get better aquainted.

"He's DEFINITELY up to something," Mina thought.  She briefly pondered
{finding a phone and :} calling the police...

She just hung up her cell phone a few paragraphs ago.

Aha!  There.  A tiny, unobtrusive, opaque wall panel, designed to look
like a burnt-out light.  Grinning, he turned and bowed to it, sweeping
his hat off his head grandiosely.  As he did so, he pressed a stud on
the top of his cane.

Just one camera?

"I've found you at last, Princess Serenity," the panther rumbled, fangs
glistening.

Somehow I get the feeling this isn't Luna.

I hope your next installment isn't as delayed as my comments.

--
Mac :})
Give a hobbit a fish and he eats fish for a day.
Give a hobbit a ring and he eats fish for an age.


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