----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Brian Randall" <brian@azurite.org>
To: "Thermopyle" <thermopyle@tds.net>
Cc: "Fan Fiction ML" <ffml@anifics.com>; "Mark Shurtleff"
<gaijin@sfcmd.com>
Sent: Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:24 AM
Subject: [FFML] Re: [Fanfic][Ranma/SM] Relatively Absent: Chapter 5
(part 1 of 2) (bleh--formatting error) fixed?

Thermopyle wrote:

This was lame. Oh well.

That's the end of chapter five! I just can't wait to read more!

    Really, you should have stopped when you decided it didn't work

for

you.  Going on like this after you reach that decision isn't going

to

accomplish anything constructive.

Hey, I liked the scene with Usagi transforming.  Anyway, I'll read
just about anything, no matter how bad it is, and there are certainly
a lot of fics worse than this one.  This one does, however, have a
number of problems, and so I commented on some of them.  Yes, the
comments weren't phrased as nicely as they could have been, but for
the most part they were constructive and aimed towards showing the
following:

The gratuitous Japanese should be cut.  The ANCs are quite annoying.
Much of the chapter was filler built up around those ANCs as well as
Ranma's bogus female problems.  The chapter was packed with cliche
nonsense that added nothing to the story and was used simply because
it was conventional.  The conflict is all external with nothing
internal to give the story a focus, so the characters just thrash
around in meaningless orgies of author bias.

The story is just poorly written.


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