In the mood to C+C rather than write at the moment:

Hi All,

I'm back again.

Weeee! Always enjoy seeing this one in the old inbox.

Ranko eyed her opponent, half hidden in the darkness of the forest they
were in.

'they were in' seems bland. 'trapped in' or 'their chase had led to' or
something else.


  Sweat dripped down her body, droplets silently falling from

her face to the soft mulch, and her breathing was deep

I'd either separate them into two, or spruce the second half of that up as
well.

 and even as she

waited.  The night was still around them, even the cicadas quiet.  The
only noises reaching her were those of her opponent breathing, in soft
gasps like her own breath now came,

axe 'not came'

 a sign of the intense efforts they

had made against each other so far.  She had still not seen his face
clearly.  Even when they engaged each other up close, his features
remained cloaked in shadow, but she knew she had to overcome him.

Hmm. Sounds like a fight, but you're making it ambiguous for some reason.

The boy sprang at her, one of his hands lashing out at her

cut this 'at her' since you use it earlier in the sentence.

He was a few centimeters taller than she was too, she noticed, even as
she struggled as hard as she could

I'd drop 'as...could' as it doesn't really enhance the sentence and makes it
drag

to improve her hold and finally win

the battle raging between them.  Their hot sweat mingled together as
she felt his body gathering itself for an escape.  A scent tickled her
nose while she was so close to him, faintly redolent of musk.

And crap. Evidentily he had problems with controlling himself when he got
excited. ^_^

The next thing that she knew, they were both down on the ground, his
body pinned loosely beneath hers, his lips locked against her own in a
very passionate, openmouthed kiss.  They still struggled, wrestling
with each other, but each now desired something other than defeat for
the other.  His tongue probed into her mouth as he rolled on top of
her, setting off a firestorm of desires within her as she returned the
kiss with equal fervor.  She still couldn't see his face clearly, only
a hint of a profile, a flash of dark blue eyes filled with passion to
equal her own.  At some moments he wore an Academy uniform, and at
other times a Chinese-style shirt and gi pants.  His hair was black and
seemed to be braided into a short queue, much like how she oftentimes
wore her own.

Hmm. This could be... problematic.

The deep kiss finally ended, and his lips moved down to her jaw and
then to her throat, as

not sure if you need that comma

she felt herself gasp and sigh, softly and

lustily.  Warm breath touched one of her ears as he nuzzled her there
and down her neck.  She had never felt so alive before.

I'd drop the 'before'

His lips nibbled at her earlobe.  One of his hands was held fast by one
of hers, their fingers interlaced together, his palm warm against her
own.  Her stroking thumb and littlest

try 'smallest'. Haven't see that mistake in a while.

"I suppose I should be flattered you keep having this dream, Ranko,"
said Ranma Saotome dryly.

Heh.

herself, who had apparently been working on a means of contacting other
worlds by temporarily possessing the bodies of his analogs, and she had
been one of them.  All she remembered of the experience was blacking
out for a time, and, when she came to, finding her clothes in disarray,
and she had apparently been about to undo her blouse.

"Pervert," she muttered darkly, blushing in embarrassment.

Like she can say that after her little dream. :)

Ranko closed her eyes, recalling that incident.  Her small cache of
funds had run out before a transit to a world she was stuck on for over
two full days, an Earth ruled by militant feminists called the Solnoid
Matriarchy.

Hmm. If she gets to QD Earth, might be another way for the SM to get there.

 >

After throwing a quick feint, her spin kick cracked across the other

girl's jaw, putting her out of commission.  It had been just in time.
While the Chinese girl was still slumping to the ground, after having
bounced heavily off a nearby alley wall, Ranko had activated her device
and quickly left that world and that version of Shampoo far behind her.

Yes, that would definitely be for the best.

tiny bit shorter.

Blinking her eyes open, Ranko grumbled to think what Kaneda-baka would
say about her predicament.  She knew she wasn't very feminine at the
best of times, but now she possessed memories of being male.  While the
increase in her martial arts skill was really nice, things didn't end
there, not hardly.

Hmm. Might consider

....end there. That would have been to easy.

Sounds more recriminating, and would show her life has had its share of
problems.

Ranko cursed Ranma Saotome for doing this to her.  How could he have
been so careless, for not using some kind of buffer in his device at
least?  She curled her hands into tight fists.  If she ever met the guy
face to face,

face-to-face (I think)

 she was going to give him a severe beating for what he

had done to her, at the very least.

two 'at least's close together. Would axe one of them.

"<...and Chancellor McCartney is still negotiating with the House of
Lords concerning the wording of the latest bill,>" said the pretty,
dark-haired newscaster in English.  "<He continues to express his
support for the besieged German peoples and has threatened military
action if France continues with this aggressive course of action.  In
other news...>"

Wow! The French are winning a war. It is an Earth nothing like our own. :)

"...but I love you, Utena," said the handsome young actor on screen,
his facial expression one of obvious passion as he held the pink-haired
girl he was speaking to.  "I simply can't deny my feelings for you any
longer."

Heh.

Ranko snorted.  Soap operas.  Only housewives watched this stuff.

As the music swelled dramatically, the screen suddenly changed to a
station identification and a deep male voice announced, "You are now
watching 'Roses and Swords' here on Channel Six.  We will be back after
a word from our sponsors."

Double heh.

Maybe the next world would finally be home.

You just know she's going to run into Jerry O'Connel at some point.

For Mousse, that treasure, that one thing he prized above all else in
the world, was Shan Pu (or Shampoo as he had once heard an Imperial
magistrate visiting the village pronounce her name), the girl he had
adored and worshipped for as long as he could remember.

And since this wasn't a fusion with 'Momento' it was a long while.

  For her sake

alone, he had left at age ten,

would reword: 'he had started a self-imposed exile at the age of ten,
leaving...

His glasses fogged over slightly as he tried to imagine her and what

would drop 'her and'

kuei, an ancient order of spies and assassins dating back to the first
emperors of China.  Under his tutelage, Mousse had mastered the hidden
weapon technique among many other fighting skills.  So now, like his
master before him, Mousse could conjure forth a surprisingly vast
arsenal of unsuspected weaponry that was concealed about his person.

Few would  dare to learn the 'Rectum of Holding' technique he had mastered.

It was their destiny to be together.  Yes, Mousse mused, destiny.  And
no one could change the destiny they were given at birth.  No, one
simply fulfilled the role fate cast for them.  So it would be with him.
He would take Shampoo as his bride, for that was his destined place in
the universe.  She was to be his.

Far below him, a road followed an expansive fence which blocked off the
area of the valley where the legendary springs of Jusenkyo lay.  Signs
in Japanese and several of the local dialects were posted on the fence
at regular interval,

Hmm. I think it's 'intervals'

each one promising harsh penalties for attempting

entrance.

Paper cuts. Noogies. The worst of the worst.

 However, the lights that normally illuminated the fences at

night were still darkened, and no movement could be seen within.

Mousse's reverie was abruptly cut short as a rabbit burst into view
near him and ran for all it was worth past him.

That parses off. maybe 'rabbit burst from some nearby shrubs and ran past
him for...

He tracked it with his

eyes absently, his thoughts still filled with memories, especially ones
of his beloved Shampoo.  Only moments later, a human figure appeared
just as suddenly, charging after the animal at full speed, a beautiful
girl with white hair.  Even as quick as his reflexes had become, Mousse
was helpless to avoid her use of him as a springboard, as she planted
her feet on his forehead, bounced off, and continued her furious chase
after her prey, never even once looking back at him.

Hmm. And I think I see what is about to happen.

Suddenly blown back off the edge of the cliff by her actions, Mousse
found himself tumbling end over end as he angled downwards in a long
arc.  His glasses and pack flew free, and then he plunged through the
light mists towards the pools of water waiting far below.  A single cry
of surprise was the only sound he made before he vanished from sight
into the darkness.  A few moments later, the sound of a distant splash
could be heard.

Now to see what he has become.

That was also when she had first met the Korean girl, Mina Li, Shampoo
mused.  Mina had been in Japan for only a month then,

Oh? Thought she had been there a little longer. Since they would not have
crossed paths yet in Hong Kong. Might want to have Mina have been one of the
rare ones to actual get moved up out of Shanghai, which would fit with her
brutal methods since it's more openly encouraged there.

While it had been a fairly challenging match, Shampoo had not doubted
the outcome after the first ten seconds of exchanging blows with Mina,
and she had left the Korean girl face down on the floor of the Arena in
under a minute.

Ohh. That will really piss Mina off.

"Yeah!  That's the stuff!"  Running Deer flopped back on to the couch,
her bosom bouncing nicely within the tight black T-shirt emblazoned
with the Tokyo Battledome logo she wore over cutoff bluejeans, and she
kicked her bare feet up on to the table.

That one drags a bit. maybe end the sentence with 'bluejeans. She...'
Cutting it into two would be better, IMO.

 "I gotta say one thing for

the Impies.  They can sure make a damn good beer.

No. German's make damn good beer. :)

Unfortunately, Ryu was not proving himself lucky that way, not that
Shampoo felt responsible for his situation.  He had faced her in battle
and lost, by his own choice.  He had been keeping to himself a lot as
his injuries healed, so he had no allies right now except for Running
Deer.  And it was pretty obvious from the start to Shampoo that the
Apache girl liked him, but she kept getting tongue-tied and calf-eyed
whenever she was around him.  So, instead of talking to him properly,
she would just follow him around like a puppy, protecting him as best
she could while he healed.

Heh. That could make for some interesting dynamics.

Because he was Japanese, the less savory fighters in the Arena's ranks
had singled Ryu out for their abuse, especially their unspoken leader,
Tarou, Mina's current steady boyfriend.  As the undefeated champion
among the male fighters, the Chinese boy had shown an immense ego, and
he enjoyed bullying other people whenever he could.  It made him a
perfect match for Mina, and the Amazon found it difficult to say which
of them she despised more lately.

Why not despise them equally? They both deserve it. :)

While he was quite handsome, Shampoo

found his personality repulsive, and she hoped someone showed up to put
Tarou in his place soon,

I'd drop the 'soon,'

To discover another timeline variant that had apparently managed to
develop resonator technology on its own was an added bonus to the
situation.  To Shampoo's knowledge, other than the Matriarchy itself,
only the Musk had ever shown knowledge of such technology until now.

Heh. Is she in for a surprise when she learns how many Ranmas have been
building them of late.

                    ******************************

Ranma slowly stirred to consciousness.  With a groan, he realized that
he was laying on something hard and cold, but there was also something
soft and warm next to him.  His mind was still a bit fogged from his
injuries, and he could not recall immediately where he was or how he
had gotten there.  He reached out a hand to try and determine what it
was he was laying against, and the first thing he encountered was
something soft and rather squishy in feel, covered in cloth.

Yep. Wrong place to grab a grope.

"Ow!" Ranma yelped, as Nabiki reared up and then planted her fist into
his face.  When she pulled it back, he demanded, "What the hell did ya
do that for?"  He rolled over on to his back and held a hand to his
jaw, a fresh bruise on his cheek.  "That hurt, ya know!"

"Good!" Nabiki snapped,

Nabiki: That means my fist is working correctly.

Ignoring Ranma for the moment, she began checking her injuries, wincing
a bit at the pains of the bruises on her body.  It felt like someone
had beaten her with a sledgehammer, but nothing seemed broken, which
was a relief.

I'd drop 'which... relief.' Not necessary and doesn't really add anything we
don't already know.

Ranma appeared to be much worse off than she was,

Yes, well, he lost his fight.

No, not just physical competition, it was fighting that excited him,
and he realized how little he differed from Akane in that regard,
knowing how much she loved to fight.  Suddenly, he felt he understood
the youngest Tendo a little better.

Probably ought to date her so he can learn more. :)

  He was certain that his eyes had

burned with the same fire he had often seen fill Akane's, and also
Nabiki's eyes.  He had felt an intensity to life when fighting, one he
was growing more used to.  And when he boosted, the sensations were
magnified manyfold, that thrill burning like a fire within him, like a
previously unlit candle existing within his heart suddenly igniting.

two heat related similes (or metaphors, can't remember which is which).
Might want to cut the first or change it.

Nabiki had been a bit startled at hearing Kinnosuke's name from Ranma.
But suddenly everything made sense now, since the Kashuoh heir's three
biomechanical playthings had been the ones who had worked her over
pretty good.  She cursed herself for totally overlooking him as a
possibility for her mysterious enemy, for letting him manage to fly
beneath her radar.  He certainly had the money and the resources to do
it.  But why would someone with all that money and power want to take
control of her network on campus?  For that matter, why attack Ranma?

She should use her imagination. Boredom. Doesn't like the way Ranma looks.
Doesn't really need much motivation.

"Why would he attack you?"  She tried to stand, and her knees wobbled,
forcing her to lean on Ranma for a moment to keep her balance.  She
still seemed to be in a slight bit of shock from the damage, she
realized.

Either cut the 'she realized' or move it to the start of the sentence.  She
realizzed she was in a slight bit...

"I dunno," said Ranma with a grunt, when she finally eased up on her
leaning on him, finding himself slipping into rougher speech patterns
again as he continued to pull himself together.  He forced himself to
stand up as well, taking it slowly.  "Man, you're heavier than you
look."

That remark earned him a quick fist into the face.

So much for playing nice because he's hurt. :)

Nabiki glared at him and debated punching him in the face again.  "Stop

making stupid remarks, and I'll stop hitting you.  You brought it on
yourself."  She huffed and turned away from him, irritated with herself
for letting Ranma get to her like that.  She made an effort to regain
her usual cool poise and reign in her flare of temper.  Why was Ranma
being so irritating?  Why couldn't he be like that other Nabiki's Ranma
was?

You know, gelded and everything. :)

He shrugged.  It was probably best to avoid making any more comments
about Nabiki within her hearing, even though he still didn't have the
slightest idea why what he had said could have made her mad enough to
hit him.  Maybe he would talk to Ukyo about it sometime and get her
opinion.

Ranma; Ukyou, what if I told you you're heavier than you look?

Ukyou: (punches Ranma) How dare you call me fat!

Ranma: (wincing) I guess her opinion is the same as Nabiki's.

As Nabiki walked in front of him, she stumbled a bit, but he caught her
before she could fall.

Then he remembered the three punches she had dished out, cried out
dramatically, "Oh, my aching head' and let her fall to the ground. He
internally smirked as she rubbed her now sore tailbone. She had that one
coming.

:)

They ended up leaning heavily upon each other

for support for a few moments, before

might want to cut that comma

Nabiki knew just how good Ranma was in a fight, and she was genuinely
intrigued by the sheer challenge he presented her, something her other
self had never known with her version of Ranma.  In fact, her other
self had never really had any rivals in the Art to match skills
against.  So the thought of having him with her, both as a husband and
as a rival, watching her back and also competing with her as they drove
each other onwards to ever greater levels of skill, felt pretty good,

'pretty good' is awful bland. How about 'intruiging' or something along
those lines?

even kind of exciting.  But she couldn't bring herself to say it aloud,
her stubborn pride refusing to let her give in to him even that much,
so she changed the subject instead.

"It's getting late," she said finally, glancing at her watch and seeing
that it was nearly ten at night.  They must have been unconscious for
several hours now.

drop 'now'

"Let me take you to someone I know who can fix us

both up and keep it quiet.  Then I'm going home to a bath and some
sleep."

"Is it Dr. Tofu?"

Heh. Thought it might be

Reminded about the symbiotes, Ranma briefly wondered if Nabiki knew
about Project Phoenix.  She most likely did, seeing who her father was,

Eh? Why? Genma didn't tell Ranma. Why would he assume Soun would tell Nabby?

It had been something they had shared in private conversations with
each other.  They had both been a bit envious of their eldest sister
for marrying a handsome doctor like Tofu Ono, but happy for her as
well.  It had only been a little over a year now, but it felt like
forever.

Heh. For Kasumi too, and not in a good way.

Nabiki forcibly turned her mind away from thoughts of Akane, and her
mind was still regrettably blank on how she would explain her recent
engagement to Ranma to her little sister.  She was certain that Akane
wasn't going to take it very well when she found out, no matter how she
presented it.  So she would wait a while longer to tell her, when she
felt she had the proper words to do so.

And maybe when  Akane had a couple of broken arms or legs.

That would be for the best.

Definitely.

Nabiki suddenly felt a bit ashamed of herself, for

don't think you need that comma

After suffering a beating a few hours ago and a brief bout of crying
just now, she was certain she looked like a horrible mess, and she half
expected Ranma to make some more smart-mouthed remarks.  But even as
her mind sought to block it out with such concerns, to not deal with
it, she could remember when she had impulsively kissed him.  He had
been unconscious at the time, during his accident with the resonator,
the one that had left him linked for most of a day to his analog in the
world where Professor Saotome was still trapped.  Since he wasn't aware
of it, it didn't really count.

True, It wouldn't have counted if it had been a blow job either. :)

Boys had always been far too afraid of her, or her father, to come near
her and try to pursue a romantic relationship, at least until recently,
thinking about Kuno and Toga.  Kuno she could dismiss right away, but
there was something about Toga that was interesting to her.  He had a
certain quality to him that appealed to her strongly, as well as being
a marvelously handsome boy.

And really, really, really wealthy. The sort that if he had a flat tire,
he'd buy a new car.

While he acknowledged he felt a definite physical attraction towards
the middle Tendo daughter, Ranma still couldn't decide how much he
liked the person she was, or if he really even

drop 'even'

 did like her at all,

beyond what his hormones were controlling.

But aren't hormones enough? :)

"Right," Nabiki quickly agreed, feeling her own confusion flaring up as
well.  "Let's go."  She took a few steps and then paused a moment, her
thoughts still shying away from thinking about kissing him and what it
might mean in order to focus on something easier.  "Ranma?"  Her tone
became a bit fiercer.  "I want to deal with this Kinnosuke creep
myself.  I want him to know he's picked a fight with the wrong girl,
him and his three overbuilt playthings.  Just so you understand, I want
you to stay out of it.  Okay?"

Too late for that. He already beat Ranma, so Ranma will want revenge.

"Gotcha covered," Ranma said with a grin, pulling his new set of keys
out of a pocket and jingling them in front of her.  "I'll give you a
ride."

"With what?"

"I've got a motorcycle," he replied, as they started to head towards
the main academy building.

Oh, this should be fun.

Nabiki's gaze narrowed slightly.  "And where did you get that from?"

Heh. Shouldn't be bragging.

"I see."  Nabiki's tone was calm, but irritation seared within her.  It
was just like the nobility to try and buy loyalty with money or gifts.
Her thoughts flickered briefly to Toga again for a moment, and she
blushed, wondering why she had thought of him.  Did she hope he might
send her a present?  It would leave her indebted to him, and Nabiki did
not care to ever be in anyone's debt.  She was grateful that Ranma
wasn't looking at her face at that moment as she fought down the sudden
blush that thoughts of Toga were causing her.

Needs to see the 'Love is Flowers' AMV, it'll really drive her nuts for him.
:)

Ranma still wasn't sure he liked her, but maybe that was because he was
not letting himself get to know her as she was now, instead of holding
on to the image of her former self, the Iron Bitch, or those other
versions of her that his counterparts knew.  She could be nice, he
suspected, but they seemed to keep rubbing each other the wrong way.
Nabiki was almost a year older than him, but he suspected she was
feeling just as confused by all that had happened as he was.  But he
could not bring himself to talk to her about it.  He wasn't even sure
how to broach the subject.

Best to avoid it then and let come what may. At least that's the advice his
counterparts would give him. :)

Miyuki and Natsumi were sitting in their parked patrol car, enjoying
some fresh pork buns on their break, when Ranma and Nabiki sped by in
front of them.

"Those kids looks like they're out kind of late on a school night,"
Natsumi commented, sitting up straight as she tossed the last bit of
her pork bun into her mouth.

"Best to kill them as a warning to others," Miyuki agreed.

"So what are we going to do?"

Since they did nothing wrong, let them go with a warning.

Miyuki thought for a moment, then said, "We're going to do everything
by the book."  She went back to keying in their ID numbers.  Ranma's
file came up first, and she noted that he had just been issued his
license that day, through some kind of special permit.

Heh. Lord Kunou things of everything.

What concerned her most was that the only person who had been quite
noticeably unconcerned with Directorate politics lately was Soun Tendo,
and he had begun letting his caseloads slide.  His underlings reported
that he was more interested in this engagement going on between his
middle daughter and the Saotome boy for the past couple of days.  Such
a breech in his character meant he was up to something clever, she was
certain of it.

Well, he's up to something, all right.

It would also mean that she would be under his command, she thought
unhappily, her fingers whitening as her grip tightened on the steering
wheel.  If that happened, he could crush her ambitions, even block her
off

I don't think of it as 'block off' as much as just 'block'. Think you should
drop the 'off' part.

from her plans for Ranma, and she was not about to lose such an

opportunity.  She had been reading the files Ranma had been kind enough
to unknowingly decrypt for her, and the details of Project Phoenix were
proving to be fascinating material.  The improvements that were caused
by the Eucharist symbiote matched her own abilities far too closely to
be coincidence, so she had taken a sample of her own blood to be tested
by a technician she controlled in the one of the Directorate's biolabs.

Oh? Was she a prototype as well?

In a few days, she would know if there were any pathogens matching the
Eucharist's characteristics within her body.  Regrettably, she would
have to quickly eliminate the technician in question once she had her
answer, to prevent any leaks, but years of experience dealing with men
and their weakness for a beautiful woman had taught her that they were
nothing more than an infinitely replaceable commodity, to be disposed
of as necessary.  However, she mused, Ranma Saotome might prove to be
an exception to that rule, and maybe the first male to truly satisfy
her physical needs, since he was the first like herself she had ever
discovered.

Well, if she gets around, she'll find some others as well. :)

"Hey, Miyuki," said Natsumi, a little subdued.  "What just happened?"

"We received orders and obeyed them," Miyuki explained.

Hinako stepped back a little from the pair.  "Farewell, you two," she
said pleasantly, briefly breaking her staring match with Nabiki to look
at Ranma and smile rather sensuously at him.  "Saotome-san, perhaps we
will meet again another time."

Heh. Now there's a loaded statement which will get him into trouble in the
future.

She wondered what she was going to do about her father.  It was going
to take all of her skills at subterfuge, but she would not let him even
suspect what she knew.  Until her real father was back, she would just
keep pretending that the man inhabiting her father's body was him.  It
should only be for a few days, so she just had to hold out for a little
while longer.

One would assume.

"Nabiki Tendo, this is Toga Kiryu," she heard the message begin.  "It
seems that Ohtori Academy's spring formal is coming up once again.  I
would like you to attend it with me, and I promise you an entertaining
evening in my company.  Please call me when you get this message, and
we can discuss when I shall pick you up for our date."  He then recited
a brief series of digits.  "That number is my private line.

Touga: well, private in the sense that only chicks I dig have it.

 Very nice work. Dealt with the aftermath of the fight nicely, as well as
moving the Arena arc forward some. And, thankfully, the second half his
waiting. Will try to get to it before too long.

DB Sommer



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