Sorry for the delay...
Yay! A *good* Sakura Wars/Taisen fanfic! Being a lazy bastard,
I mostly just read fanfic without doing much C&C, but I figure
good Sakura Wars fanfic is a trend that needs to be encouraged...
Too true...
<snip>
However, I must ask you that you be careful in sending
such large letters. The Kempeitai probably think I am part of
some sort of conspiracy, with all these military-themed stories
you keep sending me.
Says something about how Japan's war crimes have gone unremembered
that everybody remembers the SS, but I'd never heard of the Kempeitai
before this fic--and military history is a bit of a hobby of mine.
Japan likes to do the three monkey approach to its militaristic past.
They are quite an achievement, Sumire-chan. I would
suggest you have them published but I know your sentiments.
I can read between the lines, cousin, and I think there are
quite a few in the Kempeitai who can, too.
I also have a story to tell you. The next time we meet I will
tell you the whole story, but for now, let us say that something
happened to me that is almost as strange and wonderful as the
stories you tell of the Imperial Capital Defense Force. I even
have a small memento of the encounter, a red teardrop amulet
that is like nothing you could see sold in the jewelry shops.
Uh-*huh*. Something I should recognize, or another fic of yours,
or just for the heck of it? :-)
Escaflowne. I think someone noted that already.
She had hesitated at first in sending them to her cousin, but
the fact that they were both avid readers of Hinawajuh, Bokken
Sekai and half a dozen of the other story magazines like
Shin-seinen and Gurotesuku had prompted her decision of
sending the stories. Added to the fact that it was Kikyou-chan
herself who had shown her Edogawa-sensei's Kasei no Unga,
Just so you know, I had considerable fun Googling your throwaway
references. My kudos to your knowledge.
Hey, only the best for my fics. ^_^
Short and flat-chested, she could only hope for the svelte,
sensuous figure of her dreamself.
Maybe "wish" instead of "hope". Other than that, the whole passage
is perfect.
Will fix.
Chips of black charcoal regarded her with a steely gaze as her
prospective fiancee gave her a once-over. Even her distaste for the
man was overcome by her shyness. If I'm lucky I'm too ugly
enough for him. Her hopeful thought echoed in her mind as the two
families bowed to each other.
"Kanzaki-san"
"Ogami-san"
Eep! Why would Ohgami become one of the secret police?!
Which is explained down...
Sumire almost fell over in her bow. Recovering herself, she
regained her composure. Ogami wasn't exactly a unique name.
"Ichiro, my eldest. He has recently been promoted to second
lieutenant of his section. He was a constant high achiever in school
and is on excellent terms with many superior officers in the Army.
He has shown himself as a source of pride for our family and we
hope that he would meet with your approval."
Sumire was trying to control herself. Ichiro! Ohgami Ichiro!
Ohgami or Ogami? I actually rather prefer Ohgami, but either way,
you need to stick to one spelling.
MAde a mistake with that should have been Ogami all the way.
It was him who broke the silence.
"Where's the off-shoulder purple kimono?"
*Nice* opening gambit. Sure to get a response if it's really her,
but easy to brush away if it's a miss.
Ogami's pretty sharp in RL. ^_^
"When I joined the Kempeitai, I was expecting to work
against those who would threaten my Emperor, not those
who threaten his toadying cronies. Not against those who
are nothing more than honest men and women who seek
my country's betterment and the cause of peace."
And given his family's attitude towards his position, not easy
to get out of either, I bet.
Ogami does it now mostly for duty and obligation and not getting
shot.
But this was worse. Purple bruises knotted her face.
Swollen and split lips barely covered imperfect and incomplete
teeth. Ratty hair streaked with grey framed a stone face that
had been battered by hammer blows of fist and wood. The
sight of the pounded face angered him and he realized what
methods his subordinate had used. Ogami knew all the
techniques, after all. Had used them on many men and
women in his time.
Not easy to stay pure in his situation, is it?
Ayup.
He never cursed himself more in his life for his knowledge
of the arts of blood and pain than that moment when he
looked into the face of Li Kohran.
After the first few bars, the memory came back and
she knew the song.
Ichiro's good at that, isn't he? Not only as deniable an
opening gambit as with Sumire, but also something that won't
tip off anything to Kempeitai who might be watching.
As I said Ogami's a pretty smooth intelligence agent.
"I'll see you around, Kohran."
The doorknob completed its turn and Kohran was
blinded by the light.
Ow. Ouch. The contrast between the Teikokukagekidan and
what Japan did in reality in the 1920s and the 1930s is
painful...
If you watch Sakura Taisen with the right set of blinders, it is probably
one of the more frightening prowar propaganda anime, right up
there with Kishin Heidan (No the really evil aliens took over our
government and forced us to do mass genocide.)
One minute before the other guests arrived and found
the open safe and, of course, Lupin's little calling card.
She had managed to palm one of them after her little run-in
with the arrogant popinjay. Another jewelry theft blamed on
the Son of the Wolf would be both be investigated thoroughly
while the Surete would be blind to the fact that someone
else could have possibly done it. After all, Lupin placed
his card there didn't he? Who else could have stolen it?
I've heard people wonder what Lupin II did. Guess now we
know. :-)
Hehe...
Si nging, dancing, a small little family of sisters.
Extraneous space.
Will fix.
Then Djugashvili- no, he called himself Stalin,
nowhad come.
You want a dash between "now" and "had".
Will fix.
Snow fell gently on her body, a white shroud for her
funeral. An unmarked grave in the city of broken concrete and
shattered steel.
In the City of Steel, an angel had found her peace.
Oh yes, I can definitely see Maria as a Stalingrad sniper. Looks
like they won't manage to get the whole gang back together...
and 1942 already? They aren't all that young any more, either,
as Maria rightly notes. She'd be, lessee, 39, assuming her birth
date is the same. (Geez, she earned a battlefield nickname of
Kazuar in the Russian Revolution when she was all of 14. Reminds
me a little of Kenshin)
Well, I'm trying to kill them all, y'know.^_^ J/K. I'm trying to
cover the highlights of their story, since this is technically supposed
to be a vignette.
The Tsukino family had moved out of the loft and
And that completes the five-of-a-kind, for those of you keeping
score at home :-). What, she didn't get to settle the grand-
parents of the outers while she was at it? ;-)
The Outers grandparents, at least the Japanese side, is off
abroad.
Then, there was a flash of light as bright as the
sun.
Sneaky, *sneaky* to never tell us the name of the city...
I think you missed that.
BTW, if Ed Becerra is reading can I borrow your sig for the
epitath in part 2? (Yes, totally spoils the ending, but you know
by now everyon's going to kick the bucket)
Well, everyone does, eventually. Let's see, we have Soletta, Kanna
and Sakura left to go, unless you decide to bring in somebody other
than the pilots or the girls of the Paris unit (wonder how Kasumi,
Yuri and Tsubaki are making out? Yoneda'd be, geez, 84 by this
point). Actually, it would probably lose focus if you tried to
bring in too many characters. You're saving Sakura (the "woman in
a shrine in Sendai") for last, aren't you? :-)
Ayup. Only the girls and Ogami get to be included.
Well, not much C&C, but there's not much I would change. Very, *very*
nice. The contrast between the Teikokukagekidan and the real world
was excellently done.
Chris Mattern
Thanks for the C&C!
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