THE STORY SO FAR: Plots within plots have centered around Ranma
recently. Yesterday afternoon, he was on his way to Ukyo's new
restaurant when he woke up in an alley somewhere with nontrivial
injuries and no memory of what had happened. That night, Kodachi Kuno
was kidnapped by someone who looked distinctly like Ranma, and he's
spent the entirety of the next day searching for her... except for that
portion of the afternoon where he blanked out again, along with Akane
this time. Shortly after that, Kuno asked his girl side on a date...
brandishing a kettle of hot water and threatening to expose Ranma's
secret to his mother if he refuses! Ranma was reluctant to accept at
first, but when he discovered that Ryoga and Akane had a dinner date, he
invited Kuno to join him at the same restaurant.

Ranma 1/2: A Deadly Choice
Chapter 7: Ranma's Double Dating Disaster

    Ranma stepped into the kitchen, took a deep breath, pressed his
thumb against the spigot, and pulled the handle, spraying himself with
cold water. He heard a startled gasp from behind him. "Ranma, is there
some reason you're turning female?" asked Kasumi.
    "I've got a date with Kuno tonight," explained Ranma. Then, thinking
better of it, she shook her head. "Actually, don't ask. Do you think I
could borrow one of your dresses?"
    Kasumi's eyes grew even wider. "You're going to wear a dress? That
isn't like you, Ranma!"
    "I'm not really looking forward to it either," replied Ranma. "But
Akane picked a fancy restaurant, and I know my street clothes aren't
gonna cut it."
    Kasumi blinked in surprise. "What does Akane have to do with
anything? I thought you said your date was with Tatewaki Kuno."
    Ranma bit her tongue. "The less you know about it, the better. I'm
beginning to think maybe it wasn't such a great idea after all, but I'm
committed."
    Kasumi sighed. "Well, I still don't understand, but I suppose I
can't argue with you. Unfortunately, I think my dresses would be a bit
too large for you. You should probably ask Nabiki. She's the closest to
your..." - she indicated her chest with her hands - "size."
    "You think? I never really looked." Ranma caught herself glancing
down at Kasumi's chest and noticed that it was, in fact, a bit smaller
than her own. Then again, that was true of most girls, but she hadn't
figured Nabiki the type to be so well endowed. Of course, she'd never
really bothered to notice. Nabiki's mercenary spirit and incessant
money-grubbing tended to be a dissuading factor whenever her chest was
available for viewing.
    Kasumi smiled. "I'm sure Nabiki will be happy to help you pick out a
dress that will suit you."
    "For a price," added Ranma.
    "I'll speak to her for you if you want," offered Kasumi.
    "Nah. Maybe she'll think it's such an amusing concept that she'll
let me have the dress for free. And she'll probably want to take
pictures, too. That'd make her more money than I could ever pay."
    "My goodness, you're so clever!" remarked Kasumi.
    Ranma shrugged. "I suppose so. Anyway, thanks for the offer, but I
have a feeling I can handle Nabiki myself today." She turned and left
the room.
    Kasumi hummed contentedly, satisfied that she'd once again fulfilled
her role as the helpful maternal figure. But there was something
weighing on her mind... a detail that she'd forgotten to mention.
Suddenly, it hit her. "Oh, wait!" she called after Ranma. "Akane is also
trying on a -"
    "RANMA! YOU PERVERT!" came the familiar shout from upstairs,
followed by a loud SMACK! and the distinctive crash of a body
penetrating a thick wooden ceiling.
    "I'm charging you for the cost of repairing that hole, Akane," said
Nabiki.
*************************************************
    The maitre d' bowed as Akane and Ryoga entered the restaurant.
"Welcome to Chez Reireishii, sir and madam," he greeted them. He sniffed
haughtily, as if his highly-trained nose had detected the aroma of
sub-affluence. "You realize that there is a one hundred thousand yen
cover charge."
    "A hundred thousand yen just to get in?" repeated Ryoga.
    "Check or charge?" asked the maitre d'.
    Ryoga sighed and pulled a large wad of bills out of the pocket of
his tuxedo. "This dinner is going to cost me a fortune."
    "Then you shouldn't have lost the fight," Akane reminded him.
    The maitre d' daintily sniffed the money before tucking it into his
suitcoat. "Very well, sir. Please step lively." He led the way to the
far end of the restaurant, while Akane kept a firm grip on Ryoga's
shoulder to prevent him from wandering off. Finally, he stopped at a
table right between the doors that led to the kitchen and the bathrooms.
"Your table."
    Ryoga eyed the doors indignantly. "Not exactly getting the royal
treatment, are we?"
    "Shall I bring you the wine list, or would you prefer the soft drink
menu?" asked the maitre d', his voice displaying none of the haughtiness
that was so otherwise evident in his remark.
    "Better make it soft drinks," said Ryoga, missing the masked tone
completely. "We're underage."
    The maitre d' sniffed. "Very well, sir. I shall return shortly."
    Ryoga grumbled indistinctly under his breath as he pulled out
Akane's chair. She took her seat and gaped at the display on the table.
"Ryoga, look! The silverware is all made of pure diamond!" She held up a
fork, which gleamed in the light of the crystal chandelier.
    Ryoga seated himself and nodded. "No wonder this place is so
expensive. I'm tempted to steal something myself."
    "Don't!" warned Akane. "They're probably watching us!"
    "For a hundred thousand yen, we'd better get more than just a
dinner," said Ryoga.
    "Oh, come on! This is going to be the best dinner you've ever had!"
    Ryoga blushed and shuffled his feet. "Well, yeah... but that's just
because you're here."
    The fork fell from Akane's fingers and rang resoundingly as it hit
the table. "What did you just say?"
    "It really didn't matter to me where we ate... as long as we could
be together."
    Akane stared at the table uncomfortably. "Um... thank you, Ryoga. I
think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."
    Ryoga smiled inwardly. Once again, the book's advice had proven
impeccable. 'Flattery is a false tool. Simply be honest with your
significant other, and the kind words will come naturally.' But the next
part was a bit more difficult. The book had been purposefully vague
about what to do next, since it claimed that the right approach had to
come from within, and any advice would be counterproductive. The problem
was that without that advice, he was just Ryoga Hibiki... and that
wouldn't help endear him to Akane at all.
    "Yo! Ryoga and Akane! Fancy seeing you two here!" called an
all-too-familiar voice from across the restaurant, cutting off Ryoga's
thoughts.
    Ryoga turned around to look, and immediately regretted it. "Oh,
great," he murmured as he covered his face with his hands. "Ranma and
Kuno are here."
    "Ranma and Kuno?" repeated Akane, turning in her seat to look.
    Ryoga grabbed her shoulder. "Don't look! Maybe if we pretend we're
not here...."
    His voice trailed off as it became evident that his hopes would not
be realized. Kuno approached the table, dragging the maitre d' by an
elbow. "Here," he announced. "We wish to be seated at this table."
    "But sir, this table is reserved for" - he cleared his throat
disparagingly - "middle class patrons. And as you can see, it is already
occupied."
    "Nevertheless, you shall seat us with the lovely Akane Tendo,"
asserted Kuno, producing a large wad of money and waving it under the
maitre d's nose.
    The maitre d' coughed. "I'm afraid I cannot accept your bribe, sir."
    "Then how about this one?" asked Kuno, doubling the size of the
stack.
    The maitre d's hand darted out of his coat faster than the eye could
see, whisking the money into a hiding place on his person. "Please,
enjoy your meal."
    "Hey! You can't just let them sit at our table!" protested Ryoga.
    "They ARE old money," replied the maitre d'.
    Kuno selected the seat next to Akane and sat down without waiting
for Ranma. "Dearest Akane Tendo, please forgive me! In my haste to dine
with the pigtailed girl, I shamefully neglected to invite you as well!
Please, allow me to atone for this atrocious oversight by dining with
you tonight!"
    "Well, yeah," muttered Ranma as she took her seat. "Don't worry
about me or nothin'."
    "Oh, what joy it is that fills my heart!" cried Kuno, oblivious to
the disgust of all three of his dinner companions. "To dine with both
the lovely Akane and the gorgeous pigtailed girl in one night! It is my
dream come true at last!"
    Ryoga slammed his hands on the table and stood up abruptly. "Kuno,
may I have a word with you in private?"
    The haughtiness of Kuno's slow rise to a standing position rivaled
anything that the maitre d' had done all evening. "Very well, peasant.
We shall converse where the ears of my beloveds cannot hear."
    The two men excused themselves from the table and made their way to
a quiet corner of the restaurant. Once they were out of sight of their
table, Ryoga jabbed an accusatory finger into Kuno's chest. "What's the
big deal with horning in on our date?"
    "I don't recall giving you permission to date Akane Tendo," replied
Kuno.
    "You're the one who told me how to get a date with her!" Ryoga shot
back.
    "Indeed. But I did not give you permission to use my advice," Kuno
pointed out. "Besides, is it in fact true that a knave like you defeated
Akane Tendo in combat?"
    Ryoga rubbed the back of his head. "Well, not as such, no...."
    Kuno smirked triumphantly. "I thought not."
    Ryoga sighed in defeat. "Fine. I give up."
    "What's the problem, anyway?" Ranma asked casually. "A double date
can be fun too."
    "Yeah, I suppose that's true," conceded Ryoga. Then he spun around.
"What are you doing here?"
    "We're waiting on you guys," replied Ranma. "The waiter's all ready
to take our order."
    "They're called 'waiters' because they wait for us," replied Kuno.
"A rightful patron of this establishment would be familiar with that
principle."
    "Akane's stuck at the table all alone, waiting for us," Ranma
pointed out.
    Kuno pushed his way roughly past the other two in his haste to
return to the table.
    Ryoga glared at Ranma. "I know this is your fault, Ranma. But in the
interest of keeping Akane happy, I'm not going to pound you now."
    "Thanks," Ranma replied sarcastically. "You know, I hear they make a
great dish of sweet and sour pork here." She smiled slyly at Ryoga.
"What's the matter, pig-boy? You're turning a little green."
    "You'd better not say anything in front of Akane, or else,"
threatened Ryoga.
    "You're a fine one to talk, after you blabbed my secret to Kuno,"
countered Ranma.
    "What? How did you know about that?"
    "I didn't," replied Ranma. "But I had a hunch. Thanks for confirming
it."
    Ryoga paled. "Um... look, about that...."
    "Hey, forget it," said Ranma. "Like you said, we gotta keep Akane
happy, right? I just don't want you hogging all the thanks. Capice?"
    Ryoga nodded. Even though his date had been crashed, he had the
feeling he was getting off easy. "I got it. So let's get back to the
table."
    They returned to find Kuno fawning over Akane while she ignored him
from behind her menu. "Akane Tendo, even your silence is more eloquent
than all the works of Kenji Miyazawa," said Kuno, indicating that the
treatment had been going on for quite some time.
    "Hey, why don't you spend some time talking to YOUR date?" invited
Ryoga as he took his seat.
    "Of course!" said Kuno, spinning to face Ranma. "Pigtailed girl, how
could I forget you?"
    "Don't I wish," mumbled Ranma.
    The waiter cleared his throat. "Might you be ready to order now,
sirs and madams?"
    "Oh, yeah," said Ryoga, picking up his menu. "Um, you girls go ahead
and order. I'll just -"
    As Ryoga's voice cut off, Ranma handed her menu to the waiter
unopened. "Just give me the most expensive pork dish you've got."
    "One Roast Suckling Pig for the young lady," recited the waiter,
checking a box on his order pad.
    "And I'll have the Braised Duck in Lemon Wine," said Akane.
    The waiter nodded and checked another box. "And for the gentlemen?"
    Ranma waved a hand in front of Ryoga's eyes. "Hey, Ryoga! He's
talking to you!"
    Ryoga merely gaped.
    Kuno scoffed. "Surely he has seen the cost of TRUE food." He
brazenly picked up the last menu and opened it. "The poor simply have no
appreciation for -" He froze as he set eyes on the menu. "These
prices... are insane! For this much money, I could buy a small country!
Or a large country! Or even a medium-sized planet!"
    "Your orders, sirs?" repeated the waiter impatiently.
    Ryoga and Kuno cleared their throats and handed their menus to the
waiter. "Glass of water," they said in unison.
*************************************************
    Akane sighed glumly, reflecting on how badly the evening was going
so far. Not a word had been exchanged for the entire duration of the
meal, casting the entire table into a very uncomfortable silence. Ryoga
and Ranma had spent the entire time glaring at each other, while Kuno
was lost in his own world in admiration of his female companions. She
tried to think of a way to start a conversation, but nothing came to
mind. Instead, she absently continued to chew, sucked into the silence
as completely as everyone else.
    The waiter stepped up to the table and cleared his throat pointedly.
"Here you are, sirs. Your... beverages."
    "Hey, talk about service!" exclaimed Ranma. "We just ordered a few
minutes ago!" She accepted a thin glass of cola from the waiter and
sipped from it, staring intently at Akane. "Hey, Akane, how come you're
chewing on your napkin?"
    "I'm doing it to take my mind off of you," she muttered.
    "What was that?" asked Ranma. "I can't understand you when your
mouth is full."
    Akane spat the napkin out and threw it at Ranma, nearly hitting the
waiter as he put Kuno's water glass on the table. "What do you think I'm
angry about, you jerk? This was supposed to be a fun evening, but ever
since you and Upperclassman Kuno showed up, we haven't done anything!"
    Ranma crossed her arms indignantly. "So, you'd rather we just left
you and Ryoga to your date?"
    "Who said anything about a date?" retorted Akane. "This is a victory
dinner, if you must know!"
    "What victory?" asked Ranma. "Don't tell me this has something to do
with that thing earlier when I knocked Ryoga out because he was trying
to beat you up."
    Ryoga froze in mid-sip and turned to glare at Ranma. "YOU knocked me
out?"
    "Ah, the pigtailed girl proves herself to be most wily indeed!"
exclaimed Kuno.
    "Shut up!" shouted Ryoga. "You don't even know what we're talking
about!"
    "Insolence!" cried Kuno, swinging his arms in a grand gesture that
sent his glass of water flying across the table, where it splashed its
contents all over Ryoga before spinning around and coming to rest near
the edge. Ryoga screamed and dove under the table.
    "Way to go, Ranma!" spat Akane. "Now look what you've done!"
    "What did I do?" Ranma asked innocently. "He spilled the water!"
    "Like you didn't plan that from the start!" accused Akane. "I know
you followed us to this restaurant just to interfere with our dinner!"
    "I didn't follow you," replied Ranma. "I heard you -"   Her voice
died quickly as she felt something brush against her leg and realized
that there was a more important problem to deal with. She quickly stuck
a foot out and stepped on Ryoga's tuxedo, pulling it under her long
dress as Akane pushed her chair back.
    "Ryoga? Are you okay?" asked Akane. She lifted up the tablecloth and
peered under the table. "He's gone!"
    "Must've run to the bathroom to clean up," said Ranma. "I guess
maybe I'd better go give him a hand." She stood up, slipping her foot
under the pieces of Ryoga's tuxedo and shoving them on top of the
cowering piglet.
    Akane blinked. "You're going to the men's room looking like that?"
    "Oh, right. I guess I'll have to change first, won't I?" She spun
around and darted through the adjacent women's room door.
    "What the heck is he thinking?" Akane asked aloud. "He's wearing a
dress!"
    "My thoughts I would gladly reveal to you," said Kuno, selectively
ignoring most of her comment as usual. "Indeed, my only concern, as is
always so, would be -"
    "I don't want to hear what you think about me and the pigtailed
girl," snapped Akane.
    "Ah, she has read my mind!" cried Kuno. "Surely, it is a sign of how
deeply in love we twain are!"
    Akane groaned. "Oh, Ranma, hurry back!"
*************************************************
    Ranma lifted Ryoga into the sink and turned the hot water on, then
stepped back to allow the lost boy to hop to the ground as he regained
human form. "There. I hope you're happy," she said.
    Ryoga shook his head, sending droplets of warm water everywhere.
"What do you mean, you hope I'm happy? You're the one who crashed OUR
date!"
    "So it IS a date!" Ranma declared triumphantly. She brushed the
water from her dress, grateful that it hadn't been enough to trigger her
own Jusenkyo curse.
    "Yeah, it's a date!" Ryoga shot back. "And it was going great, until
you butted in and ruined it!"
    "Consider it payback for blabbing to Kuno," said Ranma. "If I have
to eat dinner with that jerk, you might as well join me."
    "Look, Ranma," Ryoga began. "About that whole secret-blabbing
thing...."
    The door opened, and Ranma quickly shoved Ryoga into the nearest
stall and turned on the sink, pretending to wash her hands. A
high-strung woman wearing a pearl necklace and a dress half-covered in
thick white fur crossed the room, pausing only to sniff ever so slightly
as she walked past Ranma, before stepping into the stall where Ryoga was
hiding. There was a feminine shriek from within the stall, followed by a
much deeper, masculine shriek that ended in a splash. Then, the woman
ran out of the bathroom, screaming "A man! There's a man in the women's
room! Someone call the manager immediately!"
    "Great. You didn't even lock the stall door?" asked Ranma. She
stepped around the partition, fished Ryoga out of the toilet, and
dropped him into the sink again.
    "Just give me my clothes," snarled Ryoga as he leapt to the floor
again. "And remind me to kill you as soon as this date is over."
    "I'm just wondering which is more embarrassing. Being caught naked
in a women's bathroom, or having your curse triggered by toilet water. I
hope whoever used it last flushed."
    Ryoga blushed. "I swear, if you ever breathe a word of this to
Akane, I'll...!"
    "He's right in there!" exclaimed the excited woman's voice from just
outside the door.
    "Hey, you'd better hide," said Ranma.
    "Yeah, right. And get dunked in the toilet again?"
    Ranma covered the tap with her palm and turned the cold spigot,
spraying Ryoga liberally. "Just shut up and hide under my dress," she
advised. "I've got a plan."
    There was a knock on the door. "Is anyone in there?" asked a deep
voice.
    "I'm just washing up!" Ranma shouted back. "Enter if you like!"
Ryoga quickly slid under the hem of her dress. "You'd better not get any
funny ideas, pal," muttered Ranma as the door opened. "If you've got so
much as a tiny nosebleed when we get out of here...." That said, she
smiled innocently at the manager and leaned against the sink, one hand
covering the faucet while the other prepared to twist the handle that
would disgorge hot water.
*************************************************
    Akane watched the bathroom door anxiously as the hysterical woman
led the manager inside. "What am I going to do? If Ranma's really in
trouble, maybe I should help him! But then, it's his own fault for
showing up here in the first place. But this could really be serious!"
Her face fell as she felt Kuno's hand wrap around her own, and she
pulled her arm back just in time to avoid his apologetic kiss.
    "Oh, my dearest Akane, please forgive this tragic error!" begged
Kuno. "My sorrow overwhelms me at my deplorable oversight in not
inviting you on this soiree, even in the face of such joy that I
discovered you already here!"
    Akane sighed. "Kuno, get a clue. I'm really not interested in you."
    "And such noble sacrifice as she depicts, in offering to forsake her
love for me to preserve my own feelings!" continued Kuno. "Yet at that,
I would love her all the more!" He took her hand again and stared into
her eyes. "Please, allow me to atone for my shame by dating with you!"
    She yanked her hand out of his grip again. "Hey, aren't you even a
little worried about your date?"
    "Our date?" he repeated. "But I've only just asked."
    "No, I mean -"
    "I tell you, that red-haired woman is a man!" protested the old
woman as the manager dragged her out of the ladies' room. "And I saw him
turn into a pig as well!"
    "Madam, that is absurd!" exclaimed the manager. "I'll not tolerate
you treating our customers that way, even if they are middle class! That
woman happens to be the fiancee of a very prominent upper-class member
of our establishment!"
    "A pig, I tell you!" insisted the woman. "A tiny black beast with a
yellow cloth around its neck!"
    "Assuredly, Madam, you jest," said the manager sullenly, as he
pushed her toward the front door.
    Kuno shook his head sadly. "Why they let lunatics into places like
this, I will never know."
    Akane stared blankly, not sure which of the many thoughts running
through her head she should express first. Finally, she picked one at
random. "What was that she was shouting about a black pig? Was that
P-chan? It couldn't be... did Ranma bring P-chan to this restaurant as
some kind of joke? How could he? What would happen if somebody found
him?"
    Her train of thought ended abruptly as the waiter leaned over her
shoulder. "Excuse me, Madam," he asked as he lifted the cover from the
plate in his hand. "Is this your pig?" She turned around to face a roast
suckling pig on a silver platter, surrounded by succulent garden-fresh
greens, its jaw clamped around a small apple, beside a bed of finest
whipped potatoes sprinkled with chives for garnish.
    She fainted.
    Kuno stretched out an arm to catch her. "Ah! So overcome with her
passion for me that she swoons! I am so touched! Yet shall I, like
Prince Charming, awaken her hereby with a kiss." He puckered up and bent
down to lightly kiss her on the lips.
    Akane's eyes flew open as Kuno made contact, and she found herself
staring into his lust-filled gaze. Her hand rose to sharply smack the
side of his head even before she'd realized what she was seeing. He let
go of her in his surprise, but no sooner had she fallen to the floor
than she climbed back into her seat and grabbed her glass of soda, threw
back as much as she could hold in her mouth and gargled loudly. She spat
the liquid disgustedly back onto the glass and stuck out her tongue.
"Gross! Why do I always wake up with some creepy guy's tongue down my
throat?"
    Kuno blinked. "To be fair, dearest, I had not yet -"
    "Shut. Up," said Akane, clearly enunciating each word. "I. Don't.
Want. To. Hear. It."
    Kuno stared back in sullen silence, unable to comprehend why she
seemed so upset after having been privileged to receive his kiss. Not
wanting to waste the silence, Akane glared right back, breathing
heavily, until Ranma and Ryoga returned to their seats, laughing
uproariously.
    "Oh, man, that was a classic!" cried Ranma. "I can't believe she
fell for it!"
    Ryoga nodded, brushing tears of joy from his eyes. "Oh, yeah! I wish
I'd seen the look on her face! I thought I was gonna die laughing!"
    Akane's anger toward Kuno vanished, swept into obscurity by newfound
rage at the other two. "You two set that thing up?"
    Ranma's laughter died in her throat. "Well, yeah. What else would
Ryoga and I have been doing in the women's bathroom?"
    "What's the matter?" asked Ryoga. "You seem upset about something."
    "Upset?" repeated Akane, her voice raising several octaves with each
syllable. "UPSET? What do you think? That was the most insensitive thing
you two have ever done!"
    "Wow, that's going pretty far," said Ranma under her breath. Aloud,
she did her best to defend herself. "Come on, Akane. It was just a joke.
Nobody got hurt."
    Much to Ranma's surprise, Akane slammed her fists on the table and
stood up, knocking over the waiter and both of the dishes he was
holding. "That was a really rotten joke! I can't believe the two of you
could be so cruel!"
    "What'd we do?" asked Ryoga, shrinking from Akane's righteous
indignation.
    Akane quickly turned her back on the table to hide the tears that
were starting to run from her eyes. "You... jerks! How could you? All I
wanted was a nice dinner... even if Ranma and Kuno were here, I thought
we could all get along. But you had to go and ruin it! I'm sorry I ever
came here!" With that, she ran out of the restaurant, narrowly evading
Ryoga's attempt to grab her arm before she could get away.
    "Wait, Akane Tendo!" shouted Kuno. "We have yet to finish our kiss!"
    "Like that's going to bring her pelting back," muttered Ryoga.
    Ranma grabbed Kuno's shoulder and spun him around. "You kissed
Akane? You bastard!"
    "Of course! How callous of me!" With that, Kuno threw his arms
around Ranma and planted a wet one right on her lips.
    It didn't take long for Ranma's foot to embed itself deep in Kuno's
gut, knocking him off the chair to land on the waiter's prone form, but
the damage had been done. Ranma grabbed Akane's soda glass and gargled
heartily, spitting the liquid back into the glass when she was done. "I
can't get rid of the taste!" she whined, spitting into the glass again.
"What the hell were you thinking?"
    Winded, Kuno neglected to answer, but Ryoga's laughter prevented the
quiet restaurant from lapsing into total silence. "I can't believe it!"
he chortled. "Ranma's first kiss was with Kuno!"
    "It was not!" Ranma shouted back. Then, thinking of the kiss that
HAD been her first, she bit her tongue. One kiss from a man was far more
than enough. "I kissed Shampoo once, remember?"
    Kuno sat up and blinked. "Shampoo? The serving maiden at the house
of ramen?" His eyes rolled upward as he tried to picture it.
    Ranma quickly kicked him in the head. "Don't get any funny ideas,
jerk! I was a man at the time!"
    "That's impossible," said Kuno. "Such a body as yours is too perfect
to be the result of cosmetic surgery! I will not believe it!"
    "Cosmetic... surgery...?" Ranma shook her head. "What are you
talking about? Don't you know about the curse?"
    "Ah, yes, the tragic story of your youth related to me by an
anonymous man by the name of Ryoga Hibiki!" recalled Kuno. "It is said
that when you were but a baby, you were dropped into a bath of boiling
water, and that your fear of hot water lasts to this day! Such a
disgrace was it to your family that your father disowned you, and if
your mother ever found out, she would use it against you to force you to
marry a man other than myself! That must not come to pass, and so I
shall defend you with my life!"
    Ranma continued to stare at Kuno for several long minutes before she
finally raised her gaze to Ryoga. "Fear of hot water? Father disowned
me? Marry a man?" She pressed her fists together and cracked her
knuckles. "Tell me, Ryoga... where would he get such a ridiculous idea?"
    "Um...." Ryoga reached up and loosened his collar. "You know what? I
just remembered I have to be somewhere else right now. I don't think it
really matters where, since I won't be able to find it anyway...." He
quickly leapt aside as Ranma lunged across the table, narrowly avoiding
what would have been a crushing grasp. He turned and fled from the
restaurant with the angry pseudo-girl in hot pursuit.
    "Wait for me, my beloved!" shouted Kuno as he climbed to his feet.
"I shall smite the infidel for you!" He managed one step toward the
door, crushing a few of the poor waiter's vital organs, before he was
stopped by a hand holding a small piece of paper in front of his face.
His eyes crossed as he tried to read the numbers that were so small and
yet so large. "This can't be...."
    "Your check, sir," announced the manager.
    Kuno fainted.
*************************************************
    Ukyo triumphantly stacked the last of the clean dishes on the
appropriate shelf and dropped her dishtowel next to the sink. "Whew!
Even after all the customers are gone, there's a lot to do to keep a big
place like this running! I'm definitely going to have to find an
assistant once the new school year starts." She tapped her chin with a
finger. "Then again, I could have a whole wait staff, like a real
restaurant! No more of this mom-and-pop nonsense. It's time for Ukyo
Kuonji to move up to the big time!" She boldly shoved the swinging door
open and stepped out into the restaurant. "Look out world, because here
I - Ranma?"
    "Hey," said Ranma with a casual wave. "How's it going?"
    "What are you doing here so late?" asked Ukyo. "I've been closed for
half an hour."
    Ranma shrugged. "Figured maybe you'd like to go somewhere together."
    Ukyo blinked. "Are you asking me on a date?"
    "I guess so," replied Ranma. "Why not?"
    Ukyo giggled shyly. "Yeah, I suppose so. I mean, you're usually not
this forward."
    "Oh, right." Ranma blushed and rubbed the floor with his toe. "Well,
if you don't want to, then I guess...."
    "No, that's not it at all!" said Ukyo, feeling a blush coming to her
own face. "I'd love to! You just caught me by surprise is all."
    "Do you need time to get ready, then?" offered Ranma.
    Ukyo pulled off her apron and threw it onto a random table. "Ready."
    Ranma smiled broadly. "You look cute no matter what you wear."
    Ukyo's blush deepened, and she had to restrain herself from grabbing
the apron to cover her face. "What's gotten into you, Ranma honey?"
    "Don't worry about it," said Ranma, offering his elbow. "Shall we
go?"
    Ukyo started to stretch out her arm, then stopped. "I don't know...
this is too weird. What's Akane going to think?"
    "What does she matter?" asked Ranma. "I'm here for you."
    "You're not even worried," observed Ukyo. "Something's wrong here.
You normally can't get within a mile of me without Akane showing up, and
you NEVER hold a conversation with me without mentioning her at least
once. Usually looking over your shoulder to make sure she's not there."
    "Tonight's our night," said Ranma, stretching his arms toward her.
"Forget about Akane."
    "No," Ukyo said firmly, backing away. "I don't feel comfortable with
this. Not tonight. Let's make a date for another time, okay? I close
early on Tuesdays...."
    "I can't wait any longer," said Ranma as he advanced on her. "I have
to be with you tonight."
    Ukyo reached down to her belt and grabbed a handful of spatulas.
"Stay away from me!" she shouted. "Don't make me use these!"
    When Ranma showed no signs of stopping, Ukyo hauled back and hurled
the spatulas from point blank range. Without even slowing his stride,
Ranma blocked each one with a sweep of his arm, catching it in his other
hand and sending it back at her faster than her eyes could follow. Even
before her arm had finished the throwing motion, she was pinned to the
wall by her own spatulas.
    "How did you do that?" she asked, panic rising in her voice. "Even
Ranma isn't THAT fast!"
    "I thought you already knew I wasn't the real Ranma," replied her
assailant. His body dissolved into a flowing black cloud. "Ordinarily,
the Projectile Return technique would have killed you, but I can't
afford to let you die on me. I need you alive."
    Ukyo's eyes scanned the room, searching for a means of escape, but
the demon filled most of her field of vision as it reached for her face.
Frantically, she pulled her right arm away from the wall, tearing right
out of her sleeve in her effort to escape. The shift in weight caused
the rest of her uniform to give at the seams, and she fell to the floor
in her undershirt and panties.
    "Quite a lovely view," teased the demon. "But that beautiful body is
all mine now." The cold mist of the demon's body brushed against her
back, and she quickly rolled to the side, sat up, and lunged through the
kitchen door. She landed on her back and watched in horror as the black
fog oozed through the cracks surrounding the still-swinging door,
pouring into the room in search of her. She scrambled to her feet,
slipping a bit on the slick floor, and ran out the back door, slamming
it closed behind her. Without waiting to see whether that would prove to
be an effective barrier, she ran away as fast as her bare feet could
carry her, trying to shut out the demon's enraged screams as she escaped
into the cold Nerima night.

-----------------------------------------------

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