Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Mon, 29 Sep 2003 14:37:43 -0400 DB Sommer <sommer@3rdm.net> wrote:
Version 1.1, now with revision. Head smashed in and body nearly
severed in half via crushing by some heavy object that had been taken
away shortly thereafter
??? Cut and paste problem?
Several moments later, the sound of cursing and metal being hammered
reached Yuri's ears. She felt something uncomfortable shift in the
pit of her stomach. Oh yes, Kei's training in the 'Hit It With a Big
Blunt Object Until It Starts Working' school of engineering was going
to end up dumping them in outer space and kill them. At least Yuri
would know it was all Kei's fault and not hers. There was something
reassuring in that.
I thought they both would say "It's not my fault!".
Kei's triumphant shout interrupted the ever growing list. "Ha! All
finished. I told you I could replace something as simple as that. It
was a piece of cYAHH!"
A piece of cYAHH, huh? :}b
"Yep. The big 'double three'." Kei became even more despondent. "The
years ARE starting to take their toll on me Yuri. For the first time
in my life, I feel old. I still ache a little from the mission. The
only guy that really worked me over was that poster boy for genetic
enhancements, Shezwan. Oh yeah, I was shot out of a battle suit too,
but that hardly counts. I mean, there was a time I could have taken
someone emptying a whole magazine of high velocity rounds into my
impact armor and not felt it a couple of hours later. Now I get a
rooftop blown out from under me and my knees hurt until the next day
from taking a twenty foot fall.
Yep. What a drag it is getting older.
"Oh my god! That means I'm going to be thirty-three in a couple of
months too. I'm going to be almost as washed up as you. WAHHH!"
Nice of her to put it in perspective.
Yuri rubbed the back of her head, where the noticeable lump was, as
her free hand moved deftly across the controls, and she brought the
ship out of hyperspace. Assuming the navigation computer still worked
correctly, they would drop out of hyperspace slightly over {a :} five
hundred kilometers from the space station. From there they would be
escorted in by traffic control and placed in a docking bay for
repairs. The Lovely Angel really needed it this time. The final
battle with General Golgotha's Warkon Heavy Cruiser had taken them to
the limit. The Lovely Angel had emptied its entire stores of
missiles, had most of its armor burned off, and suffered over thirty
percent structural damage. About all that was left working were a
couple sets of short range lasers, communications, regular engines,
and the hyperdrive. Even the refrigerators were broken, meaning Kei
was left to drink warm beer, which, combined with her birthday blues,
had made her temper {: even} fouler than usual.
Kei considered that for all of two seconds. "Grab some big guns out
of the armory, get on board that {ship : station}, find out what's
going on, and shoot anyone that tries to shoot us."
Works for me.
With practiced ease the Lovely Angel touched down on the deck
{and landed :} without incident. Before exiting their craft, Kei and
Yuri did a sensor sweep of the bay. The monitors reported no
anomalies of any kind and breathable atmosphere. A visual inspection
proved the same.
Both of the agents walked slowly down their landing ramp and
{exited : left} the craft. Kei opted to carry a heavy laser rifle
while Yuri was satisfied with her side-arm to provide protection. The
duo held both of their weapons at the ready.
No suits to prevent possible chemical or biological contamination?
Kei was halfway down the last hall when Yuri signaled over the
comlink. There was an edge in the dark-haired woman's voice. "Kei,
listen up. I just made my way down to one of the emergency shelters
{on the ship :}. I figured that if there was some sort of accident,
this was where they might have gathered, and maybe they got locked in
or something. Maybe that's why they couldn't get to us or-"
Moving almost too fast for the eye to follow, Kei quickly darted past
the doorway and fully into the room, ready to fire upon anything at a
moment's notice. She looked up at the second level of computer
controls for a {spilt : split} second, then turned back to the first
level of the room.
Biting back a cry of pain, her mind quickly identified what the
weapon was: a garrote. Even after many centuries, a slender length of
wire was still used as a basic method of silent execution. Simple,
yet effective, the device was easy to {go : carry} unnoticed in a
galaxy full of high-tech weapons of destruction. Only fools or
professionals still used them, and Kei had a terrible feeling about
which category her opponent fell under.
If the wire had managed to loop around her throat, she would have
been dead within several seconds as it cut through the soft tissue of
her throat and {: her} windpipe. The fact that it had only sliced
through the flesh of her hand meant she had a chance. Shutting out
the pain, an experience she had plenty of familiarity with, she used
every ounce of flexibility she had and brought her right leg up so
that the heel was on the floor and pushed off. Hours of painstaking
exercise, in combination with the man's poor {positioning in :
position} straddling Kei's back, paid off as she managed to flip over
on her side, though the man was still attached to her back.
As the man {kneeled : bent} for a moment to draw the knife from his
boot, Kei could see the look of sheer terror in his face. It wasn't
the type she was used to, even when she identified herself and people
would shout, "OhmyGoditsoneoftheDirtyPairrunforyourlives!" It was one
that she had seen before, but far more rarely. It was the sort of
glazed gaze one gained when staring straight into the mouth of hell
and even in managing to escape it, one would still never really get
away since the experience would always be with them. Death {was :} or
drugs were the only escape from it.
I see what you are trying with 'Death was/drugs were', but it reads
awkwardly to me.
With a sigh Kei ran out of the room and headed towards the command
center. If there was one attacker, there might be others. And then
there was whatever had harmed the guy in the first place. Yes,
knowing Yuri, without a partner to keep her in check, she would
almost certainly be up to her neck in trouble and it would be up to
Kei to bail her out. Yuri was so irresponsible.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Typical of Kei to lose her earring. Now how am I going to know when
to show up to save her butt when she gets it put into a sling because
I'm not there to keep her out of trouble? She's so irresponsible,"
Yuri mumbled under her breath as she continued on her way to the main
bridge of the station.
There seems to be an echo in there. ;})
It was at about the halfway point between the shelters and the
command bridge that Yuri had stumbled across the first body in the
corridor. Head smashed in and body nearly {severed : chopped} in
half. More cautiously now, Yuri made her way through the station,
keeping her gun held high. It was only a little farther down the
corridor that she came upon two more bodies, one looking like someone
had stuck a grenade in his stomach, and another that was missing
several noticeable items, like his arms, legs, and head.
She turned around and returned to examining the remains of the
security personnel. There was something odd about some of them.
Choosing one of the bodies, She looked more closely at the face, or
what remained of it. Her trainers at the academy {woiuld : would}
have affectionately referred to it as a 'righteous mess.' The right
half was missing, allowing the contents inside the skull to spill out
onto the floor. A {lesser : less} experienced agent might have
expelled the contents of their stomach at the sight, but for Yuri,
dead bodies in just about any state was business as usual. Especially
since she had personally {ended up making : made} a lot of those
bodies dead.
And prefered that to the alternative of them making her dead.
This time Kei spoke louder, shouting at the creature. "It can't be!
You're dead! We killed you! Goddamnit, WE KILLED YOU!"
But they never tracked down the original source and smashed it too.
I figured Kei would recognize it right away once I started suspecting
what it was.
Her partner's injured condition seemed to help Kei focus on the
present. Then the sound of a bolt being drawn back from somewhere
behind them caught the redhead's attention. She darted her head over
the top, then back down. "You'd better not have eaten that whole
cheesecake before we left Lebonya."
The banter is a nice touch.
Kei wasted no time as she hefted Yuri {up :} over her shoulder, then
began running in the direction of the dock.
Now Kei's voice took on a note Yuri was familiar with, something she
had never hoped to hear again. "That thing is going back to the hell
it came from again, and I'm the one that's going to send it there."
And now she has enough status to track down whoever produced the thing.
Killing one example of that monster should be just the start.
After an injection of painkillers, the pain subsided enough to allow
Kei to help her partner float to their makeshift medical bay, the
place they had designated they should go when wounded so they didn't
bleed all over one another's belongings, and laid Yuri on her back.
{Moogie : Moogi} remained ever vigilant at Yuri's side, while Kei
looked over her partner. Both watchers whimpered in sympathy, though
Moogi did the better job.
Kei, now somewhat back to normal, fretted over her partner. "Have the
drugs kicked in yet?"
"Make me a chocolate milkshake, Mommy."
I'd take that as a yes.
Kei carefully examined the empty hypodermic Yuri had used. "I'll have
to try some of that later."
It probably beats warm beer.
She wore a partial suit of white armor with a black form-fitting
fabric underneath. The armor only heavily covered her upper arms,
lower torso and legs, while the rest was mostly composed of open
areas of the black material that would afford the woman the ability
to move quick and freely. It was a mix of light protection and high
mobility. A simple pair of light-filtered goggles rested on top of
her head, ready to drop down over her eyes if necessary. There were a
couple of belts with large pouches, extra ammunition, and holsters
strapped around her torso and waist. Her primary weapon seemed to be
a Boreset Long Rifle that was slung across her back. It was a dated
and uncommon weapon, though very reliable under the most grueling
{of :} conditions. The only drawbacks were its bulk and necessary
maintenance to keep it working correctly. Still, that such an
obviously experienced woman had that type of weapon, and given signs
of its frequent use and {maintanance : maintenance}, Yuri
instinctively knew the newcomer could handle the weapon.
Yep, It's a Dirty Pair/Iria: Zeiram, the Animation crossover. Hey,
once I remembered the redhaired, spunky, good with weapons, orphan
sidekick of Iria's that just happened to be named Kei, the crossover
potential seemed painfully obvious. Just needed a halfway decent
story, desire, and time to write it. The technology differential,
especially in the transport systems between the two series, will have
to be addressed, but I think I got that figured out. Zeiram's a bit
dated, and I'm not sure how many people are still familiar with it,
but I found it to be an excellent action-oriented series that will
hopefully mix quite easily with the more popular Dirty Pair, though I
haven't seen very many fics devoted to them of late. Hard to believe,
given the good story potential there.
I've wached Iria a couple times. It also has a lot of potential for
continuations. I'm actually more familiar with it than the Lovely
Angels.