Troy Thomas wrote:
Brian's talking about his previous fics, not about storylines in Love Hina.
Find them following the following link.
http://www.rakhal.com/florestica/durandall/index.html
Er... yeah. Mia culpa. Should have been clearer about that.
I think it should be "The Three" but I could be wrong.
It's fine as it is, from this end. But it isn't really incorrect to use 'The
Three' either.
Anyway, I also suggest adding some commas to reduce wear and tear on the
mind from information overload:
Behind her, and ahead of her, the Three continued their work.
Good call. Will do.
Suggestion: the word quiet written three times like that is a bit
repetitive, you may want to use another word that also means quiet, for one
of them. Silence, noiseless, etc.
Just a contrary opinion here (but not because I disagree though). Sometimes
using a synonym can be just as distracting. But it's down to what works
best, really.
Anyway, what kind of smile is it? I like smiles filled with description:
tight smile, hard smile, cold smile, ex cetera.
Yeah, that's something to work on for me, as well. I'll put
something in here....
A second read through did wonders for myself.
Don't feel bad; half the time I don't understand it, either.
Alright! Thanks for taking the time to C&C my fic! ^_^
Troy Thomas