"Good point, Kuno-baby," Nabiki added from her perch.  "Besides,
Cologne didn't tell us how to get back on our own anyway.  For that
matter she did not tell us how to get back at all."
       "If that wasn't the nail in the coffin!" exclaimed Mousse,
realizing that she was right.  "Only you, Nabiki.  Why didn't you say
that while the portal was open?"
       "All of you decided to press on, remember.  I figured Akane would
know how."

I'm sorry, but, why in the HELL didn't Nabiki mention this?!  She's a
freaking businesswoman, or at least want's to be one, and she knows the
value of making absolutely sure and checking the fine print.  Why did she
not ask how they're going to come back from Hell.  And you also did not give
any explanation as to why she's going.  Oh the private reply that you sent
back saying that there is a very important reason for her to be there for
the story, provides no credible reason for Nabiki to be there.  Had you
release a revised version of Chapter 3 or 4, I believe, giving a credible
explanation being told by one of the characters, such as Cologne or
Happosai, then sure, fine, I can understand that.  But you haven't done so
yet.

Just why is it, with no explanation at all, other then Akane begging Nabiki
to go, does anybody there even think of letting Nabiki go to Hell?  They
didn't argue, they didn't fight, they didn't even give a single shred of
reason to let her go, when every single person, including Akane herself,
should be supporting Nabiki's decision to stay alive, because Akane is the
martial artist of the Tendo family.  Not Nabiki.  Akane.

Oh, and there's also the rather pathetic speach that Akane puts up: "Hey
let's go join the Demon Parade, because the music is the same."  The group
is made of martial artists, ninjas, a wanderer, so why doesn't anybody think
of the idea:  "Hey, since we're in Hell, we're pretty much Demon Food, so
instead of  serving ourselves up on a silver platter by jumping in the
middle of them, why don't we follow behind them from a safe distance to find
out where we need to go next?"

Well, why didn't anybody think of this.  Why didn't Nabiki think of this?
She's the thinker in the group!  That's practically the only reason for her
to be there.  Why isn't she saying this?  Why isn't any of the others, such
as Shampoo, Kodachi, Ukyo, or even Konatsu or Ryoga saying this?  They've
gone sneaking around and hiding and stuff in their regular shenanigans, so
why aren't they saying this?

Now, I am a big Nabiki fan, so I did find her portions of the story to be
rather amusing, but still, what did she do that would bring her to the
attention of Xue?  She's hasn't done a single thing that a slave trader,
yakuza bookie, loanshark, pimp, or any number of people have done even worse
then her.  Compared to all of such people in the world, she's practically a
saint.  So why does he know her by name?  Why?

Not to mention the fact about that confusing confession at the very end.  If
Ranko drowned in the spring, then she was offered to become some master
demon, therefore becoming Anijza, why are they being treated differently?
They are in Hell, a place that deals with the soul.  Ranko is Anijza, you
put it down in writing.  So how is it that they are in two different places.
Unless Hell and Heaven goes around cutting souls apart into tiny little
pieces, Ranko shouldn't even exist.  They are the same soul, therefore the
same person.  They are one unique individual/soul.  You can't have them
seperated out into being two different people/souls, because that would then
contradict what you put down.  But if they are capable of cutting souls into
different pieces and let them live, like an earthworm, then why is Xue so
concerned about his lost souls?

I'm sorry, but this story has some rather glaring flaws in it, but it is
however decently written.  Since I'm not a fan of Ranma and Akane fics, I'm
not really going to pursue this too much, but since I am a Nabiki fan, I'll
prob pay attention to this story again, if I remember about it.  So get
around and fix those flaws, and make this into a better story then it is
right now.

--CCMax



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