"Say, Akane," he asked, "do you have any... boy you're
interested in right now?" He smiled innocently, and - without
quite realizing it - looked at her with pleading eyes.

Just as a general comment, you've shifted into an omniscient POV here,
where it seems to me you could probably tell the entire scene from
Ranma's POV. Maybe he realizes belatedly how he must look, or something.

It was rather my intent to be more omniscient throughout the fic than what
I usually go for. I'll have to look it over.

Despite his many complexities, however, Ranma was at heart a
simple boy, who rarely stopped to consider tomorrow and beyond.

Again, this breaks Ranma's POV, and seems like an explicit explanation
of the story to the readers that's probably unnecessary.

Yeah, these bits were written rather long ago when I wasn't quite in tune
with how the story would go. Should probably be worked around to more of
an inner monologue or something.

Ranma turned around and felt blood rush to his nose as Akane
rapidly removed her clothes, soon standing there the way God had

suggest: the gods had
(I rather doubt that Ranma is a Judeo-Christian)

The narrator is distant enough that, in a piece of english text, it would
be better to go for the established expression. If it was Ranma thinking,
it wouldn't even be anything like it, there being no such Japanese
expression. And besides, I'm not Judeo-Christian either. :-)

The accented "o" there is a non-ASCII character that might show up as
something completely different on other platforms. Suggest using a
regular "o" or an "ou" for the long vowel sound.

Didn't originally write it for FFML posting. I guess I should have changed
this.

[five seconds later]
KUNO: I have returned!

This can otherwise be read as the typical "I don't have any good ideas for
what to do with this character" excuse, aka "the Dr Tofu shuffle". :-)

The idea that a character who screams "I hate boys!" is actually a
lesbian strikes me as too easy and obvious. But here it's used to good
comic effect and generates some strong conflicts, so I really can't
complain.

It is a stupid cliche, but then, that's rather the point. ^_^

And thanks, as always, for the (uncommented) corrections.

---
May you be eaten at a great age and only by your strongest offspring.
Ronny Hedin, thark@mangakai.org, http://i99ronhe.island.liu.se/

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