Happosai's life of DOOM: Chapter 4 Phoenix rising


Ranma 1/2 characters were created by Rumiko Takahashi. Oh! My Goddess
characters were created by Fujishima Kosuke.

By Bill Heineman, with a tiny inspiration from "The Accidental Goddess" by
Sinom Bre.

I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me, sue me, kill me,
sue me, kill me, sue me, kill me...


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He flies through the air, with the greatest of ease, he's the daring young
man flying on Akane Airlines.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" Splashdown! The koi occupying the pond just accepted this as
business as usual.

Kasumi, standing in the kitchen near the sink, looked up from the dishes she
was washing to see Ranko emerge from the koi pond dripping wet and angry.
She put down the cleaned dish she was holding and took a dry towel from a
rack, wiping her hands dry. She slid open the door leading to the backyard
whistling a happy tune, holding out the towel for the red head to take.
"Here you are, Ranko." She made sure to put some emphasis on the feminine
version of Ranma's name.

Ranko sighed at the normality of the usual chain of events, snapping the
metal links binding the handcuffs together with a flick of her wrists.
Taking the offered towel, she vigorously rubbed herself with it to dry off.
"Thanks Kasumi. Do you have any hot water?"

Kasumi looked left and right to see if anyone was nearby to overhear the
conversation. She whispered to her brother-in-law to be. "You should stay in
your girl form right now. We have company."

"We do?" Ranko blinked.

Nodoka came out of the laundry room, but didn't get a good look at Ranko's
matching silver bracelets. "Hello, Ranko. Nice to see you again."

"We do." Ranko moaned.

The Saotome matriarch glanced at the clock on the wall after noting that her
favorite Tendo was home before lunchtime on a school day. "Did school let
out early today?"

"Heh... You could say that. But... I... Er..." She scratched the back of her
head nervously. "I think we're going to have more company in a minute or
two."

Ranma's mother raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "What's that on your wrist?"
She pointed a finger at Ranko's hand, giving a approving grin. "I didn't
know you were into that. Have you been with my son for long?" Visions of her
manly boy, having his way with this beautiful girl filled her mind with
thoughts of the eventual grandchildren.

Ranko froze, turned her eyes to the handcuff, then instantly swung her arm
behind her back. "Uh... It's... Uh... All the guys... Uh... Girls are
wearing them." She gave a cute smile. "It's the uh... latest fashion, yeah,
that's it."

"You never wanted to wear jewelry before." The elder mused, still thinking
about how Ranko was Ranma's secret mistress. She was going to have a private
talk with Ranko about the subject of being a more discreet lover to Ranma in
the near future.

The red head tiptoed away to a large rock in the backyard. She tapped her
left handcuff on the stone to shatter the steel band into tiny pieces. She
thought to herself about her ten year adventure with her dad. "Gee, Pop's
special training sure came in handy. With the number of times he got
busted..." She shattered the other handcuff with the same ease as the first.
"I've had a lot more practice doing this than I ever needed in my life."

Kasumi smiled and blissfully ignored just why Ranko had arrived wearing
handcuffs. "Are you going to play with your friends in the backyard? How
many shall I expect to stay for lunch?"

Brushing off the last fragments of metal from her hand, Ranko rubbed her
wrists to loosen up the muscles after being constrained for so long. "Oh,
seven, maybe ten... You know how it goes." She scratched the back of her
head with more vigor and grinned.

"I'll have lunch ready for everyone in ten minutes." Kasumi went back to the
kitchen to gather the ingredients for a typical crowd of Ranko's fans.
Nodoka took some plates from the cupboard to help set the table, thinking
about how many grandchildren that three or four mistresses would produce.

Ranko groaned quietly. "Mom's here. That's just great." In the distance, she
could hear the fiance brigade approach. "Oh man, I've gotta hide."

Shampoo's bike sailed through the air, clearing the wall, and landed next to
the dojo. She dropped the kick stand and happily bounced toward the object
of her overzealous affection. "Airen! Shampoo come to take you home!"

An instant later, Kodachi flipped over the wall and landed on her toes. She
followed Shampoo's charge with her gaze expecting her love to be where the
Amazon was running to. She happily called out to her imaginary lover. "Ranma
darling!" She saw the red head instead of her boyfriend-to-be and turned red
with rage. She pointed a gymnastic pin at the hussy. "YOU! What have you
done with my beloved!"

Ukyou stood on the lip of the wall, snickering at Kodachi's statement.
"You're such a ditz. Hey sugar! You can hide out with me!" She waved at her
childhood friend.

Ranko ran toward the center of the backyard to gain some distance from her
mother before one of the girls blew her cover. Kodachi ignored the girl for
now and went to the back door to greet the elder.

Nodoka welcomed the new arrival with open arms. She made mental notes that
the leotard clad girl had excellent child bearing hips. "Young lady,
Kodachi's your name, isn't it? Have you seen Ranma?"

Going into her prim and proper mode that only a Kuno was capable of, she
returned the greeting with a respectful bow. "Why yes, mother. I followed
him oof..." Shampoo impaled a bonbori into Kodachi's belly.

"Crazy girl no harm Airen." She pressed her attack by taking aim at
Kodachi's skull. A place that most people would agree would cause the least
amount of permanent damage.

Kodachi backflipped to avoid the incoming blow. "You hussy, you want Ranma
darling for yourself."

Ukyou jumped into the fray, gently pushing Mrs. Saotome aside to keep her
out of harms away. She pulled her giant baker's peel from her back and
brought it forward. She growled at the other two girls. "Ranchan is mine and
mine alone!"

The three girls wasted no time exchanging blows and formed a dust cloud with
weapons protruding from the melee.

"Ranma darling is under my protection!"

"Shampoo protect Airen!"

"Back off you two! Ranchan is mine!"

"Only a Kuno can bring him justice!"

"Airen is Amazon ambassador!"

"You're both loons! I'm his fiancee!"

Nodoka held her hands together in awe. "My son is so manly. He has an entire
harem fighting over him."

Ranko watched her mother's expression while Nodoka swooned with delight,
then held her head down, shedding a tear in sadness. "Yeah, right." She
stood forlorn at the edge of one of the koi ponds, looking at her reflection
in the surface of the still water. Cupping a breast with her hand, she had
all the proof she needed to fear her mother. Fear that she couldn't live up
to her mother's over imagined idea of the perfect man-among-men. She took a
deep breath and looked hard at the image on the pond, letting sadness take
hold. "This is so manly. I hate this curse."

Akane stood over by the compound wall feeling sorry for herself. She had
watched the entire battle with the other girls at first with morbid glee,
then softened as she watched her fiance mope by the pond. Noticing Ranko's
interaction with her mother, she regretted how she had treated her and felt
sympathy about her plight. "Oh Ranma, I'm sorry." She dropped her mallet,
releasing the anger that came with it and she slid to the ground. "I... I...
I didn't mean to..." The young Tendo wished she could see her mother again.
Her mother would know what to say to make things better. She always did.

Ranko sat on the large rock, not caring about the carnage occurring only
five meters away, feeling even sorrier for herself than before. Her own
mother wanted a son that Ranko believed she could never become, at least,
not as long as she was burdened with her curse. She felt utterly alone.

Akane shared the feeling. She was silent and lonely. In a courtyard full of
people, she was alone.


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"Happosai, rise!" Hild lifted her arm above her head in a grand gesture to
welcome her latest minion. "Time for you to get to work."

Happosai stirred, raising his hand to his forehead. "Why'd you have to hit
me so hard?"

Looking over her handiwork in the form of dark marks on Happosai's face, she
doubled checked for any mistakes in the transformation. Finding none, she
declared in her mind that the descent into demonhood was a complete success.
"I didn't hit you as you claim. I created your connection to my realm and it
required an update your spiritual essence. Four out of five demons recommend
the procedure and would gladly do it again. I take it that you're the one
out of five. Pity."

"Hey!" Happosai jumped up into a stance, hands at the ready for punching
or... Well... You know... Touching? "You said it wouldn't hurt! What other
promises do you plan on breaking?"

"Hmm... What do you know about the promise system?"

"I know enough that if you make a promise, you've got to fulfill it."

Hild laughed at the remark. "That's for those goody two shoes upstairs.
Demons find promises more like a guideline than a rule. However..." She
produced a small dagger in her hand. "A contract signed in blood is much
more binding."

Happosai took a step back to stay out of slashing range. "I ain't signing
anything!"

"You already did." She pointed her dagger to the ground, bringing to the
lecher's attention a parchment with microscopic writing in the language of
the gods on it. Happosai tried to read the document, squinting his eyes at
the tiny dots and dashes that made up the ancient alphabet. The moment he
read the title, since it was in a large font in Japanese and really the only
thing that was legible, the scroll vanished in a puff of smoke. "Don't mind
the fine print, I've got the best lawyers, in fact, all of the lawyers in
the afterlife working on the text. It's pretty iron clad."

Happosai crossed his arms in defiance. "I don't remember signing it."

Smiling in smug satisfaction, the white haired dark queen lovingly gazed at
the razor sharp blade of the dagger. There was a small amount of blood still
remaining on the cold metal giving away the fact that the act of contract
consummation had already transpired. "Of course silly, you were unconscious
at the time. After all, you did say yes to my initial proposal."

The balding old man was furious at having been so close to a pretty girl and
not being awake to enjoy it. He raised his battle aura in preparation for a
fight. "That's not fair!"

"You're in hell, darling! Of course it's not fair. Nothing's fair here. Now,
about your first assignment..."

The excitement level in the old pervert's body began a change. He felt a
tingling sensation as his spine shifted. "Just what did you do to me?"
Happosai felt bulges coming out of his back as his battle aura grew in
strength. He reached behind and grabbed one of the tail-like appendages and
yanked it forward. Holding the pink snake like fleshy thing, he shouted at
his new boss his distaste for whatever it was. "What the heck is this?"

The demon queen held a hand over her mouth to control her laughter. "You
mean you don't know? Tentacles are standard equipment for any lust demon."

With a straight face from years of not really knowing what he was supposed
to do with a woman, he answered. "What use are these things?"

"You're kidding, right?"

Happosai coiled up the tentacle and tossed it like a rope. "Hmmm... I can
find some uses for this. I think." He pulled the fleshy rope back and used
it like a set of nunchaku. "It will take a little while for me to perfect a
technique with this."

Hild's eyes twitched. "You're kidding, RIGHT?"

The pervert twirled one of his many tentacles over his head like a lasso.
"Okay, this can come in handy. Although I think it will hurt if I tie a loop
at the end if it." He gently tied the end into a hoop. "Hmm... I guess not,
although it sure feels funny when I rub it."

Hild's eyes were really twitching. "Oh, c'mon, you know what you're supposed
to do with that. You're been molesting women for over three hundred years
for crying out loud."

"Women?" The demonic gnome's eyes gleamed. "Yes, I know what I'm supposed to
do with this." He focused his attention on Hild for a moment and a pair of
vines sprang out and hit their marks. They landed on the ground on the left
and right sides of Hild, snaked upward under her dress and yanked her
panties off. With a fluid motion perfected from Anything Goes martial arts,
the panties were in Happosai's clenched fist.

He danced around, retracting his new body parts into his back. "Yes! I've
freed you my silky darling!"

Hild shot a fireball at the ecstatic sex demon, hurling him into a stone
cave wall. She waved her hand, teleporting her underwear back to where it
belonged. "Here's a standing order for you. Hands off my merchandise!"

Sliding down from the wall, Happosai groaned. "P-P-pretty lady..."

A scroll bounced off his head from Hild's perfect aim. "Read your assignment
and perform your duties. I'll be evaluating your performance after your
job's completion. You'll find the chant you need to return to the mortal
realm inscribed within."

Grasping the scroll, the old freak used it like a crutch to get back up.
"Hey, what do I get out of this?"

"Read your assignment. It explains everything. Besides, a deal's a deal."
Hild vanished in a anti-flash of sheer darkness.

Happosai smiled. He opened his hand, finding Hild's bra in it. "Don't worry
my darling, you're safe now."


========================================



A kilometer away from the Tendo compound, sat a bridge over a canal. Ranma
sat on the embankment of the canal under the bridge gathering his thoughts.
He had made a quick stop at a gas station restroom to get the hot water
needed to regain his birth form. He had quietly left his three fiancees
behind as they all huddled around his mother, nursing the wounds they
inflicted on each other, and discussing how manly Ranma was.

He watched the afternoon sun move slowly behind the drifting clouds, passing
the time away. A gentle breeze blew some dry leaves along the ground, giving
a scraping sound that interrupted Ranma's meditation.

"Why?" He looked at the sky, expecting no answer to his repeated prayers.
"Am I to be a girl?" He laid back on the grass with his arms behind his head
like a pillow. "Why can't I find a cure?"

Akane sat in the shadows, watching over her fiance. Desperately wanting to
be near him, but not wanting to start another fight. Waves of empathy
emerged from the young Tendo as she felt compassion for Ranma's plight.

"Oh ancestors, what should I do?" Ranma sighed. "Give me a sign."

A clap of thunder was heard from the heavens and ten seconds of rain
drenched the red head. "Okay. It's official. You hate me."


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"Special delivery for a Mr..." The truck driver glanced down at his manifest
to refresh his memory. "Soun Tendo."

Kasumi gawked at the contents of the flatbed truck that had just loudly
lumbered in front of the Tendo compound. "Are you sure that my father
ordered all of this? We haven't had much damage to the dojo recently."

Tossing his cigarette off to the side, much to Kasumi's distaste, the rough
man began to get impatient. "Hey lady, I just deliver the goods. Is Mr.
Tendo here to sign for this or not? I haven't got all day."

"I'll get him." Kasumi bowed, not taking her eyes off the massive amount of
wood that awaited her father. She stepped inside and called out to her
parent. "Father! There's a delivery here for you."

Instantly, a jovial Mr. Tendo appeared in the doorway, wearing a giant smile
and having not a care in the world. "Excellent! Please, please bring this
out back."

"Sign here and I'll get my boys to unload everything."

Soun scanned the inventory list for any errors. "I see you had enough
gasoline cans to fill my order."

"Mind my asking Sir, but are you planning on having a block party? We
usually don't get orders for two hundred kilos of charcoal briquettes."

"Why yes, it is a party!" He danced a silly jig. "Everyone is invited."

Kasumi held her hands to her mouth in surprise. "Father, I don't really
think that this is proper."

Holding his daughter's shoulders, Soun beamed with happiness and joy. "The
Master deserves nothing less! We must give him a proper send off!"

Moments later, a giant pile of firewood, bags of charcoal, numerous gasoline
cans, and coils of rope were stacked in the backyard. Genma and Soun held
their hands at their hips, gazing at the bounty before them.

Genma thrust out his chest. "I never thought I'd see the day."

"Same here Saotome. This is a great day to be alive. Just like ten years
ago."

Genma sulked a bit. "Of course, but he came back as you know."

Slapping the bald man on the back, Soun cheered, "but he's not coming back
this time! Your son has done the world a great service."

"Indeed. I knew my boy was going to prove himself to be a man."

"Yes, he has proven himself to be worthy of marrying my daughter."

Giving a devilish grin, Mr. Saotome leered at his friend. "Are you
pondering, what I'm pondering? Eh, Tendo?"

Deep in thought, the elder Tendo nodded. "I think so Saotome. But where are
we going to get enough marshmallows for the all of the guests in this short
notice?"

"Good idea! Didn't think of that. But I was referring to my son and your
daughter's little problem."

"I'll call the minister at once!"

The two danced a jig together exclaiming in unison. "The houses will be
joined! The master is gone! This is the happiest day of our lives!"

Kasumi watched the spectacle from afar. "Father, don't you think you're
overreacting?"

Soun and Genma held one hand in the air and spun in a circle in a
celebratory dance. Her father replied. "I don't think we're doing enough!
Kasumi, order marshmallows and hot dogs! We're having a roast!"

Kasumi shook her head in displeasure. "Oh, father."


========================================



Cologne entered the morgue holding a stack of papers. "I've come to claim
the body of Happosai."

An attendant put down his chopsticks and greeted the elder. "Do you have the
release forms?"

"Of course." She handed him the proper paperwork.

"Let's see. Oh, yeah, hmm... You're pretty quick. They only brought him in
this morning. Follow me." He got up, buzzed the door and waved for Cologne
to enter. He walked down a sterile corridor, devoid of any wall hangings or
posters except for the sign that said, "5 days without a mislabeled body.
Keep up the good work!"

He stopped at a steel double door and went into a cold room. The chamber had
a steel autopsy table and a wall filled with large drawers. He stopped at
the wall. 

The tall man checked his clipboard and noted at the proper container. "Here
he is, body number three hundred five, Happosai. No family or clan name." He
pulled out the drawer to expose the contents within. "There's not much left.
Let's see, the body was brought in five hours ago, coroner already signed
off the guy, cause of death was... Wow. Heart attack?" He looked at the body
again, noting that it was less than a meter tall, burned to a crisp and
smashed flat. He turned back to the clipboard and read the notes. "Oh, the
Doc's got the burns and the impact traumas listed, but death by heart
attack?"

The amazon pulled out a ward from her stack and placed it on Happosai's
forehead. She jumped back in anticipation to some sort of response.

The man looked at Cologne as if she had gone nuts. "Lady, he's dead. He
ain't getting up."

She answered cryptically. "Don't be too sure about that."

"You're weirding me out." He handed her a pen. "Sign here and he's all
yours."

She signed the release form. "Here." She handed back the clipboard.

"So, how do you want him? Paper or plastic?" He held out two bags, one was a
simple black plastic trash bag, the other was brown paper sack that had
written on it, "For burial at sea, call 1-555-DEEPSIX".

"What's with the advertisement?"

With a stern look, he answered. "Budget cuts."

"I see. I'll take plastic."

He pulled a small brush from his belt and swept the crispy Happosai parts
into the plastic bag. "Normally, we use the oven in the back for this, but
since he's already been cremated, I don't see a need. Do you already have an
urn?"

"That's not necessary." Cologne smiled as she took the bag and quickly
encased it with dozens of wards. "Please stand back." She gently pushed the
man away, taking his brush and tossing it into the open body drawer. "I have
to cleanse this of evil."

The attendant groaned. "Not again. That's the third time this year."

She covered the drawer with wards and poured holy water on everything. In
seconds, the water steamed and the wards burst into flame. Howls of the
damned echoed in the room and quickly died out.

"This room... Is clean." Cologne bounced away, tenderly carrying her
precious cargo to send it to another plane of existence, far from this
realm.

"Woah!" The attendant whispered in awe. "I've got to have her come over more
often. She's does it a lot better that than Juuban shrine maiden."


========================================



"Oh my! Why, Father?" Kasumi shook her head in disapproval. The party was in
full swing at the Tendo Dojo with over fifty guests in attendance. At one
table sat the Gambling King, Tsubasa Kurenai, Azusa Shiratori and Mikado
Sanzenin. Another table had the Kuno family and Miss Hinako and several
students from Furinkan High School. Gosenkugi lurked in the shadows, taking
pictures of the festivities and Akane Tendo.

Soun stood proud at the party in front of him. He eyed each and every table
to ensure that all the guests were having a grand time. Kasumi, holding a
tray of snacks tapped her father's shoulder. "Father, I know those people
are from school and those over there are friends of Ranma." She pointed to a
long table with a mixed bag of assorted nuts seated there. "Who are those
people?"

Soun nodded with conviction. "Insurance."

In a corner, feeling depressed, sat Ranko and Mr. Panda. Nodoka was seated
next to them with a sullen expression. "I do hope I can see my son tonight.
Oh, where could he be?"

Ranko whispered to her panda, anger evident in her face. "Yeah pops. Where
is he anyways?"

A sign appeared of the panda's head. "Remember the pact boy!"

Ranko grabbed the sign and smashed it over her panda's head. "Grrrr...."

"Now Ranko!" Mrs. Saotome scolded. "That's not how a lady treats her pet."

Another sign appeared next to the bear. "Listen to your aunt."

Ranko crossed her arms on the table and laid her head down on them in
sadness, keeping eyes locked on her mother. Mrs. Saotome craned her head,
looking into the crowd, trying to find her husband and son, not knowing that
they were sitting next to her. A tear welled in Ranko's eye as she kept her
thoughts to herself. "Aw, mom. I'm right here."

A knock was heard at the compound gates, letting everyone know that even
more guests had arrived. Kasumi answered to greet a stern Cologne who looked
like she was on a mission to save the world. The elder wordlessly took her
cargo and laid it atop the massive pile of firewood. She then layered wards
on the plastic sack and at strategic points on the funeral pyre.

Soun stood in front of the guests, holding a small cup of sake in
preparation for a toast. He tapped his glass to get everyone's attention.
"Everyone! It is time." He coughed to clear his throat.

"We're here to honor... He he... The memory of a great man. Heh..." He
coughed again to stop chuckling. "Today, we are not here in mourning, but in
celebration for the founding Grandmaster of the Anything Goes school of
Martial Arts has finally earned a well deserved rest." He bit his lip to
keep from shouting in glee. Taking a deep breath, Soun continued. "We now
commit the master's body back to where it came. We shall not be saddened by
his death. We shall cherish his life and his teachings."

Ranko muttered. "You mean his lessons on panty raids?"

Nodoka placed a finger on her lips and held her niece tight. "Shh.. Ranko."

Holding a microphone high in the air, he announced his message like a he was
introducing a pro wrestler. "And after the master's body is no more, we
shall further celebrate with the wedding of my daughter to her fiance, Ranma
Saotome." He pointed to the minister in a corner, standing behind a wedding
altar under a canopy of flowers.

The crowd's reaction was mixed. Most cheered at the idea that Ranma and
Akane were finally going to get married while the fiancee squad raised their
battle auras. Ranko and Akane sank in the respective chairs wanting to
escape immediately while Nodoka clasped her hands in expectant joy. "My son
is coming tonight! I can finally see him. Oh, I just know that he'll be
manly."

Ranko buried her head even deeper into the wooden surface of the table. She
turn her head to face her father. "This was your idea, wasn't it?"

The panda was playing with a tire. "Growf?"

She grabbed the panda by the scruff of the neck, ready to smack him into
next week. "Admit it!"

"Growf?"

"RANKO!" Nodoka voiced with an air of motherly command. "You put down your
pet and sit here. That's no way for a lady to act."

"Yes, Auntie." She released her death grip, but not before she had applied
enough pressure to send her furry father to dreamland. She brushed her
kimono clean of panda fur and took her place by her 'aunt'.

Soun nodded to Cologne. The Amazon had finished placing the final ward on
the pyre and gave the all clear signal. Mr. Tendo gave a thumbs up to the
Shinto priest who then lit a torch in preparation to ignite the pyre.

Shampoo stole a glance at her Airen. She plotted the quickest course she'd
have to take after she grabbed her husband to escape with him. "Shampoo
marry Ranma tonight for sure."

Ukyou held a mirror up to help her apply makeup on her face. "I'm going to
look my best when I marry my Ranchan." She tapped her bag full of gun powder
laced okonomiyaki, gathering her courage to do what she had to do to ensure
her future happiness.

Kodachi smirked. Under her funeral kimono, she wore a black rose wedding
gown. "I'm ready for you my Ranma darling. Come out, come out, where ever
you are?"

Akane slid under the table. She crawled away to find her middle sister,
hoping against all hope that Nabiki could come up with a plan that didn't
cost a fortune to get her out of this mess.

A catholic priest chanted last rites. A jewish rabbi spoke from the Torah. A
Shinto priest spoke some prayers. A man in an Indian robe chanted, "Hari
Krishna, Hari Krishna." A Mullah bowed in respect for the dead. Cologne
threw some anti-evil powder into the air. Soun was taking no chances this
time around.

Minutes passed, the holy men and woman finished their prayers and
incantations. They all gave the signal to the priest holding the torch.

With a solemnness reserved for sad occasions like this, the Shinto priest
touched the wood pile to send the body to nonexistence. The fire quickly
grew, fueled by the liters of gasoline that had completely soaked the wood,
sending a fireball dozens of meters into the air. The crowd was pushed back
from the intense heat coming from the tall flames.


========================================



Elsewhere, in Niflheim, a perverted demon finally recovered from his blow to
read his scroll. "Let's see. It says." He squinted his eyes to read the
strange words written down. "Ah, here it is. I'm supposed to say..."


========================================



Genma-panda awoke and pulled out a stick filled with hot dogs and
marshmallows. He waited until the flames died down before sat next to
Cologne, Soun and Pantyhose Taro who were all cooking a meal.

"Finally." Taro was relieved that his nightmare was at an end. "With him
gone, I can finally give myself a fitting name. Goodbye, old man."

Soun had tears flowing from his eyes in happiness. "Yes, the Master is
finally at peace."

"Growf."

The fire raised in intensity as a bright orange circle formed in the center.
The ball of flame solidified and became human shaped. It took a step closer
to the four people and tripped. The man made of fire rolled on the ground
leaving burn marks behind on the concrete. It came to a halt in the center
of the crowd of people.

"Fire!" Ranko stepped forward with a bucket of water and splashed the
burning mass. "There, that got it." She ran off to refill the bucket from
the pond.

Cologne recognized the ki signature instantly. "Oh, no! NO! NO!" She
produced a ward and threw it at the smoldering object. "Begone, foul demon!"

Happosai shook off the black soot that covered him. "Who're you calling a
demon?" The ward landed squarely on his forehead and burst into flame,
setting him on fire again. "Ow! Ow! Ow!"

Ranko jumped back to the center, saw that the object had re-ignited and
dumped the bucket on it again. "I'll get more..." She shuddered as she saw
what she had just done.

"Ranma!" Happosai exclaimed in glee. "Glad to see that you've got some
compassion for me! How about you let me rest in your bosom?"

"Begone, foul beast!" Cologne threw another ward at the shriveled old man.

Taking his pipe and deflecting the ward without any effort, he leered at
Soun and Genma-panda. "Hello boys, I'm BACK!"


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Author's Notes: Please review my story. It makes me feel oh so happy and I
won't sneak into your house while you're out, cutting paper dolls in all of
your blankets.

Bill Heineman
August 17th, 2003
========================================
burger@contrabandent.com
http://www.contrabandent.com/burgerbill
========================================



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