Notes: This draws some elements from Greek mythology, abused as
always. Additionally, while it is not in continuity (at all!) with Sky
and Shore or Compass Points, reading Sky and Shore first may help.

Wait, what? I've seen the entire Love Hina series, and read the manga, and
I've seen all of Love Hina Again, and I'm not sure what you're talking
about. I guess I'll figure it out.

Brian's talking about his previous fics, not about storylines in Love Hina. 
Find them following the following link.
http://www.rakhal.com/florestica/durandall/index.html

evergreen. "That's pretty good distance," he mused.

Naru must be practising.

    "Softly, gently," she whispered, hands brushing across the threads.
Behind her and ahead of her the Three continued their work, ceaseless
and untiring. The thread frayed, threatening to snap.

I think it should be "The Three" but I could be wrong.

It's fine as it is, from this end. But it isn't really incorrect to use 'The 
Three' either.

Anyway, I also suggest adding some commas to reduce wear and tear on the 
mind from information overload:
Behind her, and ahead of her, the Three continued their work.

    And that one... was not interested in any of those who dwelt within
the sun's old home.

    Did you mean sun here, or son?

    "My, you are doing well, aren't you?" she asked quietly, smiling,
and feeling the quiet pride fill her as it always did.

    Her older sister watched quietly, looking between him and her.

    Suggestion: the word quiet written three times like that is a bit
repetitive, you may want to use another word that also means quiet, for one
of them. Silence, noiseless, etc.

Just a contrary opinion here (but not because I disagree though). Sometimes 
using a synonym can be just as distracting. But it's down to what works 
best, really.

Anyway, what kind of smile is it? I like smiles filled with description: 
tight smile, hard smile, cold smile, ex cetera.

    The taste was bitter, full of pain, iron, and ancient memories. It

 Do you mean irony?

    Author's notes:

    I believe that this one is more obvious, but I will still release an
annotated version later, just to let myself hash this one out.

I actually didn't really know what was going on in most of that. It was
written beautifully, but all the changes without mentioning names left me
quite confused.

    This was a result of Druid asking me how I'd cope with the fact that
(apparently) Ken Akamatsu said that he felt Shinobu would have been the
best for Keitaro.

    ....

    And now you know.

And now I do. I think? ^-^

- Denise

A second read through did wonders for myself.

Troy Thomas

http://ca.geocities.com/therealsilentnova/

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