(With apologies to TelevisionWithoutPity.com)



This is Tokyo, she of shining lights and blinding streets (at least at
sundown.) A metropolis of dreams and stories, of shining towers of steel
and glass and quaint ancestral homes, where ancient masters of the
martial arts duel enormous humanoid machines and eldritch creatures
from beyond this world.  It is also a city of laws and conflicts, though
often crime can vex those in charge of meting out justice.

This is the case of one such crime.

The school's parking lot was strewn with wet leaves and petals, fallen
victims of the torrential storm that had just passed. Most, if not all of
the cars were covered under a blanket of pink and green. Overhead, the
blooming cherry trees still dripped heavily from the downpour.

An ordinary white cat with brown stripes was happily licking its paws on
the hood of a small blue sedan, savoring the lingering taste of its meal.
Its peace was interrupted, though, when a sudden, excited shriek tore
through the scene and shook windows up to miles away. Terrified, it leapt
onto the ground and ran as far away as its nine lives could take it.

"Woo-hooo! School's out, it's chow time!"

Minamo Kurosawa winced as her friend shrieked to the top of her lungs
again. Ahead of her, Yukari Tanizaki effectively danced in joy and
impatience as they neared the parking lot.

"Honestly, you're making so much racket for such a little thing!" the blue-
haired gym teacher chided.

Yukari whirled and made a face at her. "You're just jealous that I get to
eat a whole delicious box of Hokkaido crab and you're not, Nyamo-
chan!"

Nyamo sighed and put a hand to her forehead. "I can't believe you spent
so much on crab only to eat it all by yourself."

"If I can't splurge on something for myself once in a while, why bother
working?" Yukari stated logically.

"But you splurge all the time, and it's always for yourself," Nyamo
admonished.  She shook her head. "And why did you *have* to leave it in
my car, anyway?"

Yukari faced her again and scowled, "To keep everyone else's dirty
stinking paws off it!" Clenching a fist, she went on, "You saw the look on
their faces when the mail boy brought it to the teacher's lounge! They
were drooling all over it!"

"That was you doing the drooling."

"So I pleaded for the help of my friend to keep my precious crab in the
safety of her locked car!"

"You dragged me out of gym class to give you my keys... Geh!?"

Yukari shrugged, "Tomatos, tomatoes. Hey, you think ketchup goes well
with crab?" There was no answer, not even a glib comment. Turning
around, she called, "Hey, Nyamo--"

But Nyamo was standing stock-still, her face locked in a rictus of horror
and her shoulders shaking not unlike a paint mixer. She only lifted a
trembling hand to point ahead, towards her car. Puzzled, Yukari turned
back and stared.

"Agh!" Yukari exclaimed, grasping at her hair with her hands.

"AAAH! AAAH! AAAAAH!" Nyamo's trademark freak-out started full-
blast. There was a gaping hole smashed through the window of her car's
rear left door. A small piece of glass from the upper edge swung gently,
then dropped with a *tinkle*. "MY CAR!" she finally yelled.

"MY CRAB!" Yukari cried, pushing Nyamo aside as tears streamed
down her cheeks. She raced towards the battered vehicle, hoping against
hope that her precious delicacy had escaped unscathed from the ravages
of suburban crime. Nyamo just floated in dismay towards her poor, poor
sedan.

What greeted Yukari, however, instead of frozen seafood from the finest
breeders in Hokkaido, was a violated cardboard box and a few strips of
plastic wrapping that reeked heavily of crab. Glass and bits of packaging
littered the soaked back seat, beside a few sakura petals that had fallen
from the tree next to the car. Nyamo's insurance slip was already
throbbing in pain.

As the two teachers bawled over their horrible loss, a trio of students
chatted obliviously as they walked past the parking lot. The shortest one,
though, was quick to notice the adults' distress and asked, "Yukari-
sensei?"

Yukari dimmed her sobbing just enough to face her and moan, "Chiyo-
chaan... My crab's gone..."

"A!" the long-haired one blinked, "Yukari-sensei had crabs?"

"Baka Osaka!" the girl with short hair groaned. "It's seafood! Yukari-chan
told us she got some at noon, remember?"

"Aa..." Osaka drifted off, then turned to her friend, "Have you had crabs,
Tomo-chan?"

Tomo winced, "Geh-- what's that supposed to mean?!"

"What happened, sensei?" Chiyo asked, leaving her friends to squabble.
"Who did that to your car?"

"Wish I knew," Nyamo composed herself, already thinking about repair
shops that fell within her budget. "Maybe Yukari was right after all.
Someone DID want that crab bad enough to break into my car."

"A break-in...?" At that point, Osaka's eyes widened and she went, "AH!"
With a start, she dropped her book bag and raced back into the school.
Tomo and Chiyo blinked in her wake.

In a matter of instants, Osaka came running back, carrying several rolls of
toilet paper in her arms. She set them carefully next to Nyamo's car, then
fixed the end of a roll inside the hood. Then she diligently unrolled a
perimeter of toilet paper around Nyamo's car and the tree beside it.

"Osaka-san, what are you..." Chiyo began.

"This is a crime scene," Osaka deadpanned.

"Crime scene?" Tomo frowned quizzically.

"Crime scene."

Osaka proceeded to cage a few other cars within her perimeter. Yukari,
seizing the chance to snap at someone, bellowed, "Damn right this is a
crime scene! And I demand justice!"

"Shh!" Osaka silenced her and pressed an ear against Nyamo's car. "The
evidence is talking to me." With a frown, she stepped away from the
vehicle again, taking notice of the smashed glass and ruined window.

"Aa, as I thought..." she said astutely. "Looks like the perpetrator's
window of opportunity."

Before any of the others could groan, an American rock song suddenly
started blasting out of nowhere. All eyes turned to glare at the newly-
arrived interloper.

"Uh, sorry," Kagura said, turning down her radio. "Don't like The Who,
huh?"



*****************

-----C.S.O.------
Crime Scene Osaka

*****************


CSI: Crime Scene Investigation is the property of CBS Broadcasting Inc.
Azumanga Daioh! belongs to Kiyohiko Azuma/Media Works. English
version copyright ADV Films.
No profit is made from this work of fiction. It is for the entertainment of
fellow fans only.


"A! Kuraimu shiin ya!"



Jorge A. Pratt
jorgepratt@prodigy.net.mx
terbril@rocketmail.com



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