Hello Ranma, Genma, Happosai and Shampoo![PG-13]
Niklas "Hawk" Jonsson


Summary: When the Tendo girls first meet the Saotomes, the Saotomes 
doesn't come alone. They've managed to pick up an early-awakened 
Master Happosai and our favourite cat-shifting Chinese Amazon on their 
journey. Master Happosai has already declared Ranma his heir and 
passed on some of his techniques to him. Akane has never needed much 
encouragement to accuse Ranma of being a pervert, but this time 
around, she's actually right!

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2, the characters and whatnot are not mine, though 
I certainly wish they were. The story is mine though, all mine. This 
series deals with mature subject matters and violence. If this 
disturbs you, don't read. But if it does, then why the heck are you 
watching the show/reading the manga in the first place?

Feedback/Flames: Yes, please. Both of them are equally fun to read, 
although I must admit that I greatly prefer the first variety. :)
I can be found on ICQ as 21771860 or through e-mail as 
iamhawk@yahoo.com, more stories are available at my nifty lil' site at 
http://hawksgalaxy.com or by clicking on my handle up above.

"speech"
*emphasis/shouts/Kindred Domination/post-hypnotic triggers*
/thoughts/
*/telepathy/*
~translation~
+soundeffect/radio/telephone conversation/TV+

*** Previously, on 'Hello Ranma, Genma, Happosai and Shampoo!' ***

+Crash+

"RANMA! How dare you do that to your master?!" the troll demanded as 
it launched itself through the newly acquired hole in the wall, 
glaring furiously at Ranma.

"And this is Master Happosai." Ranma finished with a sigh, gesturing 
helplessly at the little troll in purple.

*** Roll credits ***

Chapter Two:

"So, when doused with cold water, you turn into a girl and when doused 
with hot water, you turn back into a boy?" Soun asked and Ranma 
nodded, everyone having seated themselves around the table after 
Kasumi had asked Happosai to forgive Ranma for his impulsive 
behaviour. Much to everybody's surprise, the old freak had agreed, 
surprising even Happosai himself who hadn't said anything much as 
Ranma had started to explain about the transformations. "Cold water 
turns you into a panda, warm water turns you back?" he continued, 
looking at Genma who nodded. "Cold water turns you into a cat, hot 
water turns you back into a tramp who claims to be engaged to Ranma?" 
he finished, looking at Shampoo.

+thonk+

"Shampoo not know what is this 'tramp', but no like way Stupid 
Moustache Man say it. Is insult, Shampoo think." Shampoo commented, 
stepping away from Soun who had been knocked near unconscious by the 
weird mace-like implement the Chinese girl had suddenly produced from 
out of nowhere and used to bludgeon him with. "And Shampoo no claim 
engaged, Shampoo is engaged to marry Airen." she spat out towards 
Soun, then sat down next to Ranma again, rubbing herself up against 
his right arm with an adoring expression on her face.

"Poor, respected father. He was so disappointed." Kasumi offered as 
she kneeled down next to him, dabbing his forehead with a wet cloth.

"He's disappointed?" Nabiki exclaimed, splashing Ranma with a glass of 
water. Shampoo just barely managed to leap aside and avoid getting 
splashed, but hastily returned and snuggled up against Ranma-chan as 
if nothing had changed. "He's disappointed?!" Nabiki repeated and 
started fondling Ranma-chan's ample breasts. "What kind of fianc�e is 
this?" she demanded.

"Nabiki, behave. She is our guest." Kasumi admonished her.

"I'd wish you wouldn't do that..." Ranma-chan muttered under her 
breath, grabbing Nabiki's wrist and pulling her hand away.

"This is all your fault, daddy. Why didn't you make sure that you 
engaged us to somebody who's male all of the time?" Nabiki demanded of 
Soun who had started to stir and opened his eyes under Kasumi's loving 
care.

"Saotome told me he had a son and it's traditional for a son to be all 
man!" he protested as Nabiki put her right hand on Ranma's left breast 
again, squeezing it.

"Do you se a son here? Hm? Do you?!" Nabiki yelled.

"Uhm... I really wish you'd stop that..." Ranma muttered.

"Aiya! Noisy Perverted Girl keep groping Airen. No good, no good for 
Noisy Perverted Girls health." Shampoo said, a statement which caused 
Nabiki to hastily remove her hand and take a step back, as she had no 
desire whatsoever to be pummelled like her father had.

"Shampoo-chan! I keep telling you, that if you want a husband, I'm 
more then willing to marry you!" Happosai suddenly offered, glomping 
onto her chest with wild abandon.

"Old Pervert Freak let go of Shampoo!" Shampoo ordered and slammed her 
elbow down on Happosai's head, then threw him down onto the floor 
where she stomped him red'n blue.

"Saotome-kun! Now's our chance!" Soun suddenly exclaimed, seeming to 
recover instantly and throw himself across the room at the bruised 
little pervert. "Get a box! I'll chain him up!"

"Father. What *are* you doing to our guest?" Kasumi inquired, the 
'respected father' once again having turned into a simple 'father'. 
The tone of her voice had not changed, nor had her expression, but 
everybody none the less inched away from her and Soun, even the 
bruised Happosai dragging himself away from the line of fire, 
something in the back of his head screaming at him to get away from 
the calm and gentle eldest Tendo sister.

"Uh... Kasumi... The master is..." Soun said, floundering madly for an 
explanation for his behaviour.

"Our guest, father." Kasumi finished firmly and that was that, Soun's 
shoulders slumped in defeat and his head hung listlessly.

"Yes, Kasumi..." he agreed, nodding faintly.

"Very good, respected father." Kasumi approved. "More tea, anyone?" 
she asked brightly.

"Ranma. Are you a girl that turns into a boy or a boy who turns into a 
girl?" Soun suddenly inquired.

"Boy. Definitively a boy." Ranma assured the Tendo patriarch. "I'm a 
boy who turns into a girl, nothing else!" he snarled.

"Oh. That's not so bad. The problem isn't so terrible after all. 
Nothing like if you'd really been a girl." Soun announced, then stood 
up and dragged Ranma into an upright position, slapping his back in a 
friendly, albeit very enthusiastic manner.

"Huh?" Ranma uttered in confusion.

"My daughter Kasumi, age nineteen. Nabiki, age seventeen. Akane, age 
sixteen. Pick the one you want, she'll be your fianc�e." Soun 
continued, not having heard or having ignored Ranma's confused 
utterance.

"My what?!" Ranma blurted out, stepping away from Soun and staring at 
him with a horrified expression.

"Is Stupid Moustache Man try engage Airen to other womans? Aiya! 
Shampoo kill!" Shampoo proclaimed, whipping out two Bonbori from out 
of nowhere, before she was suddenly tackled by Genma and brought down 
to the ground by the older man.

"Hurry up son! Pick the one you want, escape from here and marry her. 
I will not let this amazon interloper stand in the way of uniting the 
Saotome and Tendo schools!" Genma proclaimed, desperately trying to 
keep the much faster and more skilled amazon warrior pinned down.

"Hotcha, Genma! That's the spirit. I didn't think you had it in you! 
Now make sure she doesn't move while I grab her panties!" Happosai 
approved and darted towards Shampoo, when he was suddenly hauled up 
into the air and punched out of the house by a furious Akane.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" she demanded, a furiously red 
battle aura surrounding her and stunning the entire room into 
paralysed silence.

***

By the time Genma neared the end of his retelling of events of times 
past, the sun had already gone down and Genma had still not gotten to 
anything that explained the weird transformations or the deranged 
pervert in purple.

"My son and I were on the road in China during our tour of the 
legendary training grounds of China, when we suddenly came across the 
master. Naturally, I was surprised... BUT DELIGHTED! Of course, 
delighted!" Genma explained, then looked around and exhaled in relief 
as the master had yet to make his way back after being forcibly 
evicted from the house by Akane. "The master had followed us for a few 
days and taken an unhealthy interest in Ranma. When he appeared, he 
acted much as he did before Soun and myself apprenticed ourselves to 
him. Ranma was taken with him and impressed by the knowledge he 
displayed, much like we ourselves were once. The master harried us 
constantly and I had no opportunity to warn Ranma about his wicked 
ways before it was too late..." Genma explained, swallowing nervously.

"Happosai declared Ranma his chosen heir and Ranma, not knowing what a 
monster he'd gotten himself involved with, accepted. By the time I 
finally got a moment alone with Ranma, he'd studied under the master 
for three weeks and been taught much, the master ever was a good 
teacher when he put his mind to it." Genma sighed. "He wouldn't listen 
to me, didn't believe me." Genma sighed.

"How could I? After what you've done to me, did you really expect me 
to take your word for anything?" Ranma suddenly snorted.

"Boy, everything I've ever done has been in your best interest!" Genma 
protested.

"Everything, pops?" Ranma demanded, glaring angrily at Genma with a 
murderous intent in his eyes. "Remember the Neko-ken? Remember that, 
pops?" he snarled.

"Ah, uh... There may have been some instances where I were trapped and 
misled by clever ruses..." Genma muttered.

"You nearly got me killed! Or permanently insane! Or both!" Ranma spat 
out.

"And you're better for it! You should be thanking me, you foolish 
ingrate!" Genma retorted.

"You stupid panda!" Ranma growled, pulling his right hand back for a 
powerful bone-breaking punch.

"And then what happened?" Kasumi inquired, instantly defusing the 
situation.

"The master travelled with us, still being on his best behaviour... 
Until we reached the area near the legendary training grounds. For 
some reason, he did not wish to come with us, claiming pressing 
business elsewhere and that he'd catch up with us later. I did not 
question this unexpected turn of good fortune, hoping that this would 
give me the opportunity needed to get Ranma to see the truth. 
Unfortunately, instead we both learned the true horror of the 
legendary ground of accursed springs, Jusenkyo." Genma continued, 
Ranma slowing returning to his seat with a confused expression, 
wondering how Kasumi had managed to get him to do that with nothing 
but a gentle question.

"Of course! The fabled Jusenkyo. Up until now, their true horror has 
been shrouded in mystery." Soun exclaimed, nodding sagely.

"Indeed, Tendo." Genma agreed with a sage nod of his own.

"Fabled? Legendary? Whatta heck was the idea behind draggin' me to a 
place like that anyways?!" Ranma demanded.

"You whimper like a girl! Were you not prepared to give your life for 
your training?" Genma retorted.

"My life, yes! My manhood, no!" Ranma groused.

"Stop complaining, boy." Genma ordered, then returned to his story. 
"To make a long story short, the pools at Jusenkyo are cursed. 
Whomever falls into them, takes on the form of whatever has drowned in 
them. I fell into the pool of drowned panda and Ranma fell into the 
spring of drowned girl. After we talked the situation through with the 
guide who lived there, he agreed to take us to the nearby village of 
the amazons whom he thought might know of a cure to our condition."

"Is too too bad amazons not know of such cure." Shampoo suddenly 
interjected. "But very good pops and Airen do very stupid thing when 
arrive, or Shampoo may never meet Airen. Airen and Pops arrive on day 
of big village tournament, all amazons best warriors fight. Winner 
gets much honour, title of champion and is treated to big victory 
feast. Shampoo win, of course." she explained with a proud smile. "But 
when Shampoo beat final opponent, Shampoo look towards feast laid out 
for her with much anticipation. Shampoo fight all day and felt much 
hunger. What Shampoo then see, if not big panda and girl-type Ranma 
gobbling down victory feast like panda and girl who never before see 
food! Shampoo feel much anger, think perhaps feel better if bash panda 
and insolent girl to bloody pulps."

"Shampoo get even angrier, as girl-type Ranma offer to fight Shampoo 
for food and jump up onto challenge log. Shampoo very hungry, very 
angry, make big mistake. Shampoo underestimate girl-type and charge at 
Airen, thinking Shampoo gonna win easy against outsider girl. Girl-
type Ranma kick Shampoo off log, Shampoo loose fight, loose much 
honour. When Shampoo get up, walk towards girl-type Ranma intending to 
give Kiss of Death. Is like, amazon death sentence. When give Kiss of 
Death, must hunt down recipient to ends of world and kill. But before 
Shampoo get to Airen, Airen back into stupid panda eating from bowl of 
soup as watch fight. Clumsy panda drop hot soup on Airen, turn back 
into man-type Ranma in front of everybody. Shampoo heard of Jusenkyo, 
know then girl-type only curse form, Shampoo really defeated by man." 
she explained.

"Shampoo know then, must marry Airen. Is amazon law. When outsider 
defeat amazon womans, only two things to do. If outsider girl, amazon 
must give Kiss of Death. If outsider man, amazon must give Kiss of 
Marriage. Shampoo give Ranma Kiss of Marriage, stun Airen very badly, 
allowing Shampoo to lick spilled soup off Airens body as village 
cheer. Ranma defeat village champion, obviously great warrior, so 
Shampoo gain much honour back by marriage." she continued. 
"Unfortunately, Ranma while man in body, still very much boy in mind. 
Ranma greatly embarrassed by what happen, so try to run away when not 
stunned any more. Great dishonour if husband run away, so Shampoo 
follow. Besides, Shampoo get very nice view of naked Airen butt, so 
would have followed anyway even if no dishonour." she added with a 
chesire grin as Ranma blushed furiously.

"Airen shocked, confused and naked, not really know what do or where 
go. Airen stumble across Jusenkyo, try escape through cursed grounds 
and Shampoo follow. Airen more nervous then Shampoo being there, move 
slower. Shampoo catch up and try fight Airen, but defeated again. 
Shampoo fall into spring of drowned cat. Shampoo not know how swim 
very well, have train as warrior all of life, never time swim with 
other children. Airen see Shampoo nearly drown, feel responsible. 
Despite Airen big fear of cats, thanks to stupid panda insane torture 
training, Airen jump down and drag Shampoo to safety, save Shampoo 
life. After nearly drown, Shampoo very weak, no could move. Airen 
start carry Shampoo back towards village, when pops arrive. Pops want 
Ranma leave Shampoo there, escape while escape could." she explained, 
during which point everybody around the table except Soun glared 
angrily at Genma for a few moments, even Kasumi looked mildly 
disapproving.

"Ranma put Shampoo down, beat stupid pops good, then pick Shampoo up 
and continue back to village where Shampoo-cat get turned back to 
Shampoo-girl by wise great-grandmother. Great-grandmother explain 
Ranma what means when defeat amazon. Ranma greatly surprised to find 
out meaning behind Kiss of Marriage, Ranma think Shampoo just overcome 
with womans emotions at sight of his manliness." Shampoo revealed, 
laughing happily with Ranma blushing under everybody's scrutiny. "Is 
true, in way, Shampoo suppose. Shampoo do love Airen now. Airen have 
cute face, great body and backside to die for. Airen also great big 
softie under gruff exterior. Big help for Shampoo talk with Airen 
after cursed to become cat. But back then, Shampoo only think Airen 
cute, but mostly Shampoo resent Airen for defeating Shampoo in front 
of village, forcing Shampoo marry him."

"Airen greatly displeased at what great-grandmother tell. Speak for 
long time about marriage customs in Airens land, speak very angrily 
about 'stupid chick laws' what amazons have. Airen greatly displease 
great-grandmother with Airens disrespectful ways. Airen reveal that he 
have no intention of settling down, especially not when he'd found 
somebody like Happosai who could teach him so much more then pops. 
Shampoo not know what happen to great-grandmother in past, but knowing 
Happosai now, can guess. Great-grandmother loose temper for first time 
Shampoo ever see, nearly kill Airen after find out he student of 
Happosai. Shampoo shield Airen with body to protect. Even if Shampoo 
resent Airen for defeat, Shampoo owe Airen life for save when drown. 
Great-grandmother even more displeased, so angry as use power as 
amazon Matriarch to dissolve Shampoo marriage to Airen, then tell 
Shampoo move over so can kill Airen. Shampoo refuse, still owe life, 
even if not Airen more." Shampoo revealed, wiping a few tears away 
from her eyes.

"Great-grandmother... Not pleased. Not pleased at all. She beat 
Shampoo, nearly kill. Airen very angry when see, managed to almost hit 
great-grandmother several times, but realise out of league. Airen fake 
attack, then dart away and snatch Shampoo up, while screaming 'Saotome 
Secret Technique' towards stupid panda. Airen run off with Shampoo, 
while great-grandmother scream that Shampoo banished from village. 
Having disobeyed Matriarch, much dishonour, always mean punishment. 
But great-grandmother very angry, banishment not appropriate 
punishment, is too too excessive. Not having anywhere go, Ranma offer 
Shampoo come with him 'As friends. We're not to get married any 
longer, you heard the old ghoul. Get it?' Airen say. Shampoo think 
Airen very generous to take Shampoo with. Shampoo take good long look 
at Airen, think of Airen noble actions, think of Airen naked butt when 
run from village. Shampoo remember what Airen say about marriage 
customs in Airen land. Shampoo then get down on knee and propose to 
Airen. Airen no reply, still no reply, but take Shampoo with. Find 
pops, eventually come across Happosai, continue travel with Shampoo." 
the amazon finished.

"Happosai acted 'normal' as I thought of his normal, though I noticed 
he cast a few odd glances at Shampoo from time to time. But he greatly 
approved of having her along, kept saying that I was a much better 
student then he'd ever had before, that I showed much potential. He 
even showed me a few techniques that would make me even more powerful, 
but which I thought they were too disturbing to use. They also made me 
start to suspect that perhaps pops had been right about the old 
freak." Ranma continued, having picked up the story from where Shampoo 
finished. "But Happosai was on his best behaviour and we kept 
travelling. Then, about two weeks before we left China, I was taking a 
bath in a river when Shampoo arrived, surprising the heck out of me as 
she said that she wanted to jump into the water with me. Before I had 
time to protest, point out that she'd turn cat if she did or just go 
away, Happosai arrived, cried out 'Sweeto!' and jumped at us. Since 
the water was cold, I was in my girl form, which Happosai hadn't heard 
about. Neither one of us had even thought to mention it and neither 
pops, Shampoo or myself had transformed since meeting up with him. We 
pounded him, of course. I went away a bit as Shampoo took a bath, 
neither of us willing to be alone without anyone to watch our backs 
with old freak around. Especially not since Shampoo is nearly 
defenceless when she goes c-cc-c-c-ca-c-cat."

"But when we got back to camp and shifted back with some hot water, 
Happosai jumped out of the bushes. He'd been watching everything and 
now knew about our curses. He was delighted, of course. He started 
demanding that I return to my girl form, stay in it and wear all sorts 
of perverted undergarments that he pulled out of his pack. When I 
refused, we got into a big fight and he nearly killed me. If he hadn't 
taught me his own techniques, I think he would have..." Ranma 
explained, a far-away look in his eyes.

"Yes. Shampoo see Airens life-glow fade and jump to rescue, punt Old 
Pervert Freak away and hug Airen to bosom. Airen use perverted 
technique learned from Happosai to recover, surprise Shampoo great 
deal. Also surprise Old Pervert Freak great deal when he return and 
Airen pound him to ground. Freak greatly displeased by turn of events, 
but Freak calm down. Still want Airen as Heir, still train Airen, but 
Freak no longer pretend be nice old man. Airen train with Freak, 
Shampoo train with Pops. Shampoo train with Airen. Airen train with 
Shampoo. All learn much, get stronger. Swim to Japan, pops say 'Let us 
go visit old friend Tendo Soun.', Pervert Freak recognise name, think 
great idea to see old student again. Think even greater idea to see 
students daughters again. Pervert all too predictable. Ranma and 
Shampoo shrug, not care where train, as long as train. We not know of 
this evil plot to engage Airen to Tendo girl before arrive." Shampoo 
interjected.

"Yes, that. I'm going to have a very *long* 'talk' with pops about 
that." Ranma agreed, cracking his knuckles.

"There is nothing to talk about. Your father and I, along with your 
mother and my... My wife... Agreed to this before you were even born. 
It's an honour-bound promise between men, between martial artists, 
that our children were to be engaged so that our two Schools could be 
joined!" Soun proclaimed, then looked over at his three daughters. 
"So, which one do you want and do you think you can wait for a month 
before the ceremony? We can have it tomorrow if you prefer that, but 
for something as important as marrying off one of my daughters, I'd 
like to do things properly."

"If or when I do marry, I intend to marry because I love the girl in 
question, not because two deranged losers got drunk and decided it was 
a fine idea to marry off the children they expected to have one day!" 
Ranma responded.

"Aiya, Airen already engaged. Shampoo propose to Airen!" Shampoo 
interjected.

"Akane-Chan! How could you do such a cruel thing to your poor ol' 
uncle Happosai?" the demented old pervert in question exclaimed as he 
suddenly appeared in the doorway to the veranda, seemingly unaffected 
by his unscheduled flight with Air Akane, staring at Akane with big 
tears streaming from his eyes.

"Hoooboy, I think the boring period I was complaining about yesterday 
might finally be over." Nabiki commented with a wry grin, shaking her 
head with barely restrained mirth.

The End! ( For now... )




--<< Sent By >>--
Niklas "Hawk" Jonsson
ICQ:21771860
http://hawksgalaxy.com
hawk@telia.com

"Americans like to talk about (or be told about) Democracy but, when put to the test, usually find it to be an 'inconvenience.'. We have opted instead for an authoritarian system *disguised* as a Democracy.  We pay through the nose for an enormous joke-of-a-government, let it push us around, and then wonder how all those assholes got in there."
- Frank Zappa



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