Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Sat, 06 Sep 2003 15:38:36 -0700 Steve Thesken <sthesken@earthlink.net> wrote:
When I released part 1 of this a while back, I was expecting the other half
to be done in a few days. My muse had other ideas. Since it's been a
while, I decided to release part 1 again now that I am finally releasing
part 2. I have saved all the comments people sent me for the first part,
and I will be using them as I edit. So feel free to skip to part 2.
I'd probably have reread it anyway to refresh my memory. I'll try not
to comment on the same things again.
I hope you enjoy this completed chapter. I'm already 25 pages into chapter
21, so hopefully that one will come a little quicker.
Faster! Faster!
"<About what?>" Shampoo began another combat exercise as she spoke,
one that brought in techniques from the many styles she had come into
contact with through her time in the Arena. She managed to seamlessly
{flow : blend} them together, a sign of how far her skills had improved since
leaving her village and learning more about the martial arts than she
had ever before imagined was available to learn from the world outside
its walls.
Even if she doesn't win the big one, she can return to the village with
a wealth of new techniques. Her understanding of how the outside world
works will also be very useful to the village if the elders are willing
to listen to her.
Shampoo paused in her exercise and looked at Ensign Shan, a serious
look on her face. "<How could I refuse to help an {amazon : Amazon} sister?>"
Ensign Shan was surprised again at Shampoo's words. "<But I'm not an
{amazon : Amazon}. Not really.>"
"<You come from a world where women rule over men, and you don't think
you're an {amazon : Amazon}?>" Shampoo grinned for a moment, and then her face
lapsed into a serious look again. "<I forgive you your trespass, my
other self.>"
She sat there, feeling confused. She wasn't Shampoo, a Joketsuzoku
{amazon : Amazon} warrior. Or was she? Her awareness seemed oddly split between
two parallel points of view, and she struggled to remember if this was
normal for a resonator-induced merger of two consciousnesses. As she
sat there, the confusion began to ease, memories of two different lives
gradually sliding together into a rough semblance of order. For the
time being, they settled.
She definitely needs to get integrated quickly. A moment's hesitation
in the Arena could be fatal.
I'll stop mentioning {amazon : Amazon}. It's your choice anyway.
"Yap-pap-paa yap-pap-paa {1} shanten..."
I'm not exactly sure what goes there, but I don't think '1' is correct.
Kodachi panted softly for a few moments as her lungs scavenged oxygen
from the air, readying herself to renew her assault. Whoever she was
fighting with was a bit larger than she was, which ruled out either of
the two villainous Tendo girls or even that cross-dressing barbarian,
Ukyo. There was something nagging at the back of her mind about the
identity of her foe, but it refused to resolve into clarity while her
mind was caught up in the boost, briefly contemplating her position and
how best to escape it so that she could savage her adversary for this
indignity. Her wrists were pinned {to the ground : : to the floor} by a strong grip and
her body was weighted down by her foe's weight resting on her hips.
Her legs were spread apart, leaving her unable to work a knee up in
between her opponent's legs to deliver a disabling blow to the groin.
It took a moment to get used to the rapidly shifting viewpoint, but it
worked very well.
Two pairs of eyes went wide simultaneously, and both of them suddenly
dropped out of boost from sheer surprise. The shock of the moment even
dulled the chemical backlash in their bodies as the serums, endorphins,
and adrenaline that had been flooding their bloodstreams suddenly began
to clear.
Just as well. They could have damaged themselves if they'd kept it up
too long, especially Kodachi since it's her first time in boost.
Bright light from the hallway suddenly spilled across them both as the
door was flung open with a loud crash, and Ranma glanced over at the
doorway, startled and momentarily blinded.
We knew it was too good to last.
"I understand quite well, dear sister," Kuno snarled, taking another
vicious swipe at Ranma. "This foul, iniquitous beast shall feel my
righteous wrath for attempting to prey upon your tender innocence to
slake his brutish cravings for your maidenly charms."
Doesn't she just wish he would! :}b
Quickly realizing what he was looking at, Kodachi demurely and speedily
covered her bosom as best she could with one arm and sidled over to
grab up her robe from {off :} the bed. Her face practically glowed red in
the light coming in from the hallway, and she cursed herself for acting
so shamelessly earlier with him. She had kissed him so brazenly, and
things could have gone even farther. What must he think of her now?
Thinking is not his strong suit right now.
For example, it displeased her that he chose to spend time with that
horrible Nabiki Tendo or those two mannish, cross-dressing freaks, Ukyo
Kuonji and Utena Tenjou, when she was obviously a far superior choice
for him to spend time with instead of three such unworthy girls. But
at least that brutal Akane Tendo creature had finally ceased to bother
Saotome-kun after she changed schools to Furinkan Military Academy,
where she would likely fit right in with the other grunting savages
that populated its ranks. Kodachi wondered what sort of a horrible
mother could have produced two such villainous offspring like Akane and
Nabiki Tendo.
Her mother knows, but she apparently hasn't yet felt a need to mention
her schooltime associates.
"Well, they were each given a four-month contraception implant before
they were decanted," Kado replied with a smile, then lightly elbowed
the boy in his ribs in a conspiratorial manner. "That was so you could
enjoy your 'honeymoon' with them without any unexpected surprises. But
they've been fully capable of getting pregnant for at least a few weeks
now. Its possible that your own contraception implant hasn't fully
dissolved yet. But it will, given time. That's why I didn't have you
renew it."
This is the second mention of contraceptive implants. I strongly
suspect Ranma never got one. It would be just the sort of thing to
fall through the cracks in his travels.