Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Fri, 5 Sep 2003 18:50:54 -0400 LSMcGill <lsmcgill@hotmail.com>
wrote:
{all : All} usual disclaimers apply. And as always, all C&C welcome.
"Whether you wish it or not Zhu Shu, you are the Empress. You are our
liege. The Amazons swore an oath a millennia ago to be the guardians for
Lin Tzu and Clan Dragon. We have spent three hundred years believing we
failed our oath. You're not going to stop being the Empress just because
you wish it, {anymore : any more} than we can abandon our oath to defend you. And I do
not think Skorpions attack on our village was primarily directed at you."
Lo Shen said as gently as she could. "I know you don't feel comfortable
with this, child, but you cannot escape your heritage. We will do what we
can to support you, but now that you know the truth, you can no longer be
shielded by ignorance."
They nodded, watching as she stepped before the {elders : elders'} table.
The other elders nodded. Ke Lun cracked an almost imperceptible smile.
"Good." She added, also in Japanese. "Now, we have other matters to
settle, including welcoming our esteemed...." She broke off as her ears
twitched. "Ah... but first, we have a new arrival." She turned to the
Senshi. "I apologize Princess Serenity, but I fear we have a tribal matter
that must be dealt with immediately. I must beg your continued indulgence
and patience. Once we have this settled, we will have a dinner to prepare
in your {honor : honour}. Our esteemed liege neglected to inform us you were returning
with her, or we would have had a feast already prepared. It has been a
millennia since the Moon Kingdom {had : has} been our guests."
"I have no {defense : defence}, Loremistress, save that Herb owed me a debt of {honor : honour}. I
took what steps I saw as necessary to ensure the Kaisufuu was returned to
the Joketsuzoku, and that Herb was repaid for the debts he owed to myself
and the tribe."
"You need to learn that there are some things more important than simple
success. Winning at all costs is sometimes worse than losing when victory
comes without {honor : honour}. I fear that there may yet be repercussions to your
actions we will all regret, but only time will tell. You have proven you
can be a fighter, Tao-Ching, but the soul of a warrior requires an
understanding of {honor : honour}. that I am not certain you possess."
She opened the chest to reveal seven katanas. "This is your punishment,
your quest, your lesson. Among the treasures recovered from the Musk we
found these blades. They are ancient, marked by family crests. You are
charged with their return to the families they were stolen from. Return
their {honor : honour}. and perhaps you will find your own."
Rei looked at her in surprise. "Are you mad? Don't you have any idea how
impossible that's going to be? Finding the families those blades belong to?
Between the War and the Shogunate, many samurai families don't even exist
{anymore : any more}!"
"And if those are the family blades, their loss would have destroyed the
families {honor : honour}. If any of them survived that disgrace, they'd have been
pariah. The odds he can even finish this test in a lifetime are slim."
"Test remind Tao-Ching of own {honor : honour}. Test not intended to be completed."
Zhu Shu supplied.
"I think it's a rather fitting punishment." Makoto said. "Martial Artists
have a responsibility to uphold their own {honor : honour}. and respect the {honor : honour}. of
those they fight. Sounds to me like Tao-Ching didn't fight fair."
There's no use fighting fair if you don't win; especially against
opponents like Herb.
"These are the treasures of the Dragon. It is our {honor : honour}. to return them to
their rightful place with the Dragon's Child." She unwrapped the silk
covering the bundle she was carrying and offered it to Zhu Shu. "This, I am
especially proud to return, since it was originally my gift."
Zhu Shu blushed and reached behind her back to pull out her case. She
opened it and lifted the trays out to reveal a small panel, which she
lifted. Then she folder the dress carefully and laid it in the secure
space. {reclosing : Reclosing} the case she smiled at Ke Lun. "I shall keep it safe for
that day, Great Grandmother."
Zhu Shu nodded. "Zhu Shu feel same. Village not seem home {anymore : any more}."
The unloading went uneventfully, and they waved the girls away in a taxi as
Tao-Ching was trying to step into the drivers seat of the Humvee, but Ke Lun
waved him into the back, making Shan Pu's father drive instead. Zhu Shu had
just met the small wiry man, Gel, but she could see where Shan Pu's niceness
{was coming : came} from.
They pulled up at the Tendo's to let Zhu Shu out before heading off to the
restaurant Ke Lun had bought, leaving her at the {path : gate} with the single large
crate she had brought back. As she looked up at the Tendo house, she
blinked away a tear. Visiting her home village had illustrated where she
really felt home was {anymore : any more}.
"Airen not bunny girl {anymore : any more}." Shan Pu added.
Zhu Shu nodded. "Ranma need nice clothes wear on date." She tossed him a
pair of matching pants and shoes, as well as a red sash belt. "{No : Now} have no
excuse."
Akane nodded. Stepping up to the table, she laid the blades in the box and
held out her palms. Shan Pu produced a small throwing dart and looked at
Zhu Shu. At her nod, she stepped forward and as gently as she could cut two
small crescents on Akane's palms. Akane reached down and grasped the
blades, {channeling : channelling} chi into her blood as it touched the hilts. A slow wave
of gold fire burned along the blades as the tigers seemed to spring to life
and roar. As the fire encompassed the entire blade, Akane gasped.
Setting the blades back down, Akane looked down at her hands and the healed
crescents. Shaking her head, she reached behind her back and pulled out her
other swords, {handing : handed} them to Shan Pu, then took her new ones and put them
away.
The next morning began quietly enough, China sneaking away after {to :}
breakfast so that Shan Pu could be waiting outside to join them for her
first day at school. Even the walk to school was uneventful, for once
no-one splashing any one, nor was any one waiting to attack at the school.
A small round object flew from his hand towards Ranma's face. He caught it
and looked, noting it was an {okonomyaki : okonomiyak}. Spelled out in sauce on the pizza
was a challenge. He blinked.
Ranma shrugged again. "Okay." He ate the {okonomyaki : okonomiyak}. "Heh. Just as good
as I remember."
"You really should have gone to school today, Usagi." {Mamarou : Mamoru} said as the
boat pulled up to the dock. "Not that I'm not enjoying a day with you, but
you've already missed a week."
{Mamarou : Mamoru} smiled. "Silly. You called me almost every day. And I didn't even
need to rescue you from anything." He stepped up to the dock and offered
Usagi his hand, helping her out of the boat.
{Mamarou : Mamoru} avoided saying it was because Usagi likely would have fallen into
the water otherwise, though she was benefiting some from these martial arts
courses with Zhu Shu. He simply pulled her close. "Of course. You bring
out the gentleman in me."
All Usagi knew was that something heavy landed on her head, knocking her to
the ground. When she recovered enough to look up, she saw {Mamarou : Mamoru} had been
knocked down, and a small, vibrantly pink haired girl was kissing him.
"Now, now." {Mamarou : Mamoru} tried to move towards them. "Little girls shouldn't
play with guns."
The pink haired girl pulled the trigger as {Mamarou : Mamoru} screamed "Nooo!" and dove
towards Usagi. He grabbed her as she fell backwards, then both their eyes
went to the small flower stuck to Usagi's head by a suction cup.
{Mamarou : Mamoru} looked for the girl to tell her it wasn't a funny joke...
"She's going to be fine{: ,} Urd. She's just still weak. As far as I can tell,
she wasn't mortally wounded, just tortured." Belldandy said as she came
from the room they'd put Mara in. "Though I shudder at the fact someone
would do that to her."
"I know. I just hate to think anyone could be that cruel." Belldandy said
sadly. She wrung her hands in her apron. "And I have no idea what Legend
did to her either. She's not a demon {anymore : any more}. I think she's a goddess."
Mara nodded. "I gave up everything, my life, my job, even my powers as a
demon. I'm nothing {anymore : any more}, Urd. Just a mortal in love with a Goddess.
Gods, I can certainly sympathize with Keiichi now."
Outside in the hall, the phone rang. Urd and Mara both looked towards the
sound. After a second, there was a knock on the door and Belldandy peeked
in. "Um... I have a phone call from Licensing... for a Mara, Goddess, third
class, probationary."
Mara fainted.
I think she took that very well. She's going to have to relearn a lot
of her thought processes. With Urd as sempai, her learning to be a
goddess should be... interesting. :}b
"Shan Pu have Home Ec. She teach teacher right way make {Ramen : ramen}. Teacher
send in hall, so Shan Pu come find Airen. Ranma in number class, so come
see other Airen."
A flash of light from across the stadium caught Akane's glance, and she
blinked. "That's funny."
I think what your calling 'stadium' in several places should be
'athletic field' or something similar.
"I could have sworn I just saw {sombody : somebody} watching us. Someone in a long
Chinese robe."
The raven haired gymnast landed at Akane's feet. "What may I do to show my
adoration for my goddess?"
Go away. I need to go back and find out why Kodachi is so fixated on
Akane.
"Pagh! I shall meet you in a proper challenge! In one week I shall meet
you on the field of combat in the school gym! The Rhythmic Gymnastics
tryouts shall determine which of us My Goddess shall {favor : favour}!" With a
maniacal laugh, Kodachi started her rose petal blizzard. "Farewell for now,
Barbarian!"
At lunch time, Ai watched Zhu Shu come out into the school yard with a
smile. Phase one was about to start. She had been patient; waiting for the
Chinese girl to return to school, but now, the time to strike had come. She
{signaled : signalled} the squad to stand ready.
Shan Pu grinned. "Even better. Shan Pu like Melee."
Who's Melee? I thought Shan Pu only liked Zhu Shu and Akane, and was
learning to like Ranma.
"Airen will not! Is challenge!" Shan Pu responded. "Will keep eye on
sister! Airen stay!" She jumped back out into the {center : centre} of the field
towards the fight.
Zhu Shu had zipped behind her. She pursed her lips and let fly with a
stream of fire, engulfing the enraged girl. "ZHU SHU CAN FLY!" Why {couldn'
t : couldn't} anyone understand?
Zhu Shu blinked sadly at the charging cheerleader. She'd failed to
communicate the immensity of being able to fly to the girl, and now she {wasn
't : wasn't} going to be able to fly {anymore : any more}.
"One more step. and I could have. avenged the squad. and earned a reward
from Ai. and regained our popularity. I. Ayeka. shall. forever. regret...
this..."
I'm not sure 'regret' is the intended word in this and the other places
Ayeka used it. I would have expected her to say something like she'd
never forgive or never give up.
"Zhu Shu can FLY!"
Absolutely. Now I'm wondering if it is a permanent change to her
cursed form or just a side-effect of the Dragon Wine.