----- Original Message -----
From: "PsyckoSama (Sam Phoenix)" <syp104@email.psu.edu>
To: <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Friday, August 29, 2003 2:14 PM
Subject: [FFML] [Ranma/Sailor Moon][Xover][Drf#3]Awkward Consequences 11
The characters in this story belong to their respective creators and
rights
holders. Ranma 1/2 is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi. Sailor Moon is the
creation of Naoko Takeuchi. All original content is the creation of Samuel
Phoenix. Recognition is given to John Sanchez for a small kick of
inspiration that helped produce this story, and to Harold Ancell who has
been a near constant source of input, information, and ideas.
Awkward Consequences
Chapter 11: A Mother's Love
PsyckoSama (syp104@psu.edu)
She was unsure of everything. She knew that deep down the apparent
happiness
she had since meeting Ranma was for the most part, a facade, a pitiful
attempt to trick herself into believing that everything was going to end
up
just hunky-dory. That was bullshit and she knew it. She was going to be a
teen mother which would make her even more ostracized by the public, she
was
engaged to wed a man who, no matter how sweet he was, she barely knew, and
the kind of emotional betrayal she'd suffered of the past few days at the
hands of her family deep left scars.
Uh, did you mean: "left deep scars"? : )
"I'm not going to ground you for being Sailor Moon. I'm not going to say
anything else about those costumes..." Ikuko's voice lowered. "I have this
sinking feeling that they have some god-awful spinning naked in a light
show
transformation effect but I doubt you have any choice in uniforms. I'm not
laying blame for things you can't help."
I know this was covered in an earlier draft, but...
Ikuko has just witnessed one senshi power up, and three power down, all
without any "god-awful spinning-naked-in-a-light-show trasformation effect".
Even though Hotaru didn't change into her regular senshi guise, it was an
obvious power-up.
Just what leads Ikuko to the conclusion the other senshi perform the peep
show?
(BTW, I'm not sure on this, but I believe you should hyphenate the
"spinning-naked-in-a-light-show" as an adj describing effect.)
"Good," Stated Ikuko as she stood up. Looker at her daughter she said,
"You
are not to leave this house until we have a long talk. We have a lot of
things to discuss." Turning to the others she said, "Hotaru, I'm sorry
that
I couldn't talk to you but I want you to know I'm here"
Looker => Looking.
Minako shrank back a bit farther. "Can do!"
"Ikuko-mama?"
"Yes Chibi-Usa?"
"Yes, Chibi-Usa?"
Hotaru responded with an acidic glare.
"Ah, Hotaru-chan?" Ranma asked, "I know she ain't exactly your favorite
person right now." He paused, and added, "And she ain't exactly mine, but
she is your friend, right?"
Hotaru sighed and glared at Minako. "I'll tell you what is going on, but
don
't just go around telling everyone," Hotaru snapped.
Okay, Hotaru gave Minako an acidic glare, then she glared at her.
Did she look away to Ranma, or is she still glaring at Minako?
I suggest maybe having Hotaru give Minako a warning look, or something
similar when she relents.
Over all, I liked this chapter.
I'm glad your still working on it. I was beginning to worry that you might
have abandoned it.
Anyway... as always, hope this helps...
kit'ari http://jeruind.i8.com/
=====================================
We the unwilling, led by the unknowing,
are doing the impossible, for the ungrateful.
We have done so much, for so long, with so little
we are now qualified to do anything with nothing
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