Usagi turned her head to the source of the dull chuckle. It was her

mother.

The woman had stood up and was intently looking over Sailor Venus and
herself. There was a very intense, and slightly cracked gleam in her

eyes.

The way she held her head only enunciated by shadowing them. She had a

very

bad feeling about this.

***been addressed by some one else, but I do think this needs work.

You're

going for the whole "my eyes are so hidden by shadows that it's obvious

I'm

either incredibly mad or dangerously insane" Japanese stereotype.

I agree. Nothing I do is perefect. Damn these human limitations!

Try something like this:

******************
Dreading what she'd find, Usagi turned to look for the source of the dull
chuckle.

It was her mother.

Ikuko had stood, and was projecting an aura of intense scrutiny, directed
solely at Venus and herself.  Her head was tilted slightly forward and

only

a faint gleam came from the heavy shadows that hid her eyes.  A gleam that
even Beryl herself would have envied.

Usagi had a very bad feeling about this.

****************
By breaking up the paragraph, you draw out the tension, and make it far

more

ominous.  Is Ikuko mad, or possessed?  Then you follow it up with the

rest.

Mind if I use that? It's really good...

Great writing Sam, but you need to polish the delivery.  (course, that's
probably a case of pot and kettles...)

I know, but I really have to work on the discriptive (and my spelling)...
thanks!

-Sama



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