The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:
Here we go at last.
Apologies in advance for some lingual mangling toward the end of this. I'm
trilingual, not tetralingual, unfortunately.
Some of us are less.
My suggestions and comments are just that; use what helps, ignore everything else. Or everything!
Ami shook her head. "I just looked it up on the computer. The only thing I
could find is a name and a warning--'AVOID.'"
Go figure. ;)
Minako looked very serious suddenly. "I had to transform during the
date--and he recognised me as Venus. So whatever you do, try not to have to
transform. He can tell it's you if you do."
Riiight... one moment, here.
Okay. Now I've read the chapters I was missing.
As Ranma headed downstairs, Kuromaki gestured for him to enter one of the
lounges off the foyer. "Miss Kino seems to think a more--intimate setting is
required for breakfast, sir," he said.
"I'll go along with that," Ranma replied. He took a deep breath, and smiled.
"Somethin' smells good."
He entered the small lounge--small for the standards of the manor, as it was
easily as large as the dining area of the Tendou house, and the furnishings
alone probably cost more than the entire Tendou property--and saw that a
tablecloth had been spread over the low table in the centre of the room, two
cushions placed on the floor to either side of it. A tall girl with chestnut
hair in a ponytail was bustling about, apparently putting the final touches
on her masterpiece. Kuromaki closed the door quietly behind Ranma, who took
a moment to observe his date before clearing his throat. The girl span
around, startled. Ranma smiled at her. "Yo."
I still say she looks a lot like Ukyou.
*mumble mumble mumble*
"Looks good, Mako-chan." Ranma seated himself on one of the cushions. Makoto
smiled and sat down across him, then began serving the meal.
across him -- across from him
(I don't think they've gotten to THAT point yet. ;)
Ranma folded a bit of omelette and ham onto a biscuit, and took a large
bite. Makoto took the opportunity to refill both their plates; once Ranma
had finished his sandwich, she asked, "So what do you like to do when you're
not eating or practising the Art?"
practising -- practicing
The pigtailed boy shrugged. "Well, I've been spendin' more time watchin' TV
an' stuff lately. An' readin' some manga--I never really spent much time on
all that before, not near as much as some people do." He sipped his tea.
"How 'bout you?"
Caravan Kidd manga, by chance? ;)
"Well, obviously I like to cook," Makoto said, grinning. "I like plants,
too. TV and manga too, I guess. Hanging out with my friends..." She trailed
off.
Repetition of 'too'.
The brunette beamed. "Oh, and I was kinda hoping you'd spar with me. I wanna
see how good you are," she flushed.
Motoko: Bah. My meeting with him was far more memorable.
The tall girl sighed. "It's alright. it's been some time." She stared into
the rosebushes. "They died in a plane crash. I've been on my own ever
since." She smiled sadly. "But I have great friends, and I'm thankful for
them every day."
it's been -- It's been
The tall girl smirked. "Yosh'...you'd better be ready for a meal that'll
knock you off your feet, Saotome!"
Yosh' -- Yosh
Makoto was about to say something, but was distracted by an odd sight. "What
the--?"
Ranma glanced up. "Hmm? What's wrong, Mako-chan?"
Makoto pointed into the sky. "I think I'm seeing things. That, or something
really weird is happening."
Ranma followed the line of her gaze, and dropped his chopsticks. "Oh sh--"
At that moment, the pair of them were divebombed by a duck wearing
glasses--and carrying, in its bill, a fluffy lavender cat.
Ah, yes. Domestic Tranquility, meet the Wrecking Crew.
This got Shampoo's attention, and she cocked her head back over her shoulder
to glower at the tall girl. "What you want? Go away, Shampoo busy with
airen. Leave alone."
airen -- Airen
He felt a tap on his back.
Aw, crap.
"Sorry, not ready yet." Cologne leaped forward and struck rapidly at Ranma
with her staff; Ranma parried all her strikes with the Amaguriken, but was
unable to counter, and had to fall back to a defensive stance.
It occurs to me that Cologne can only invite disaster upon herself, all things considered.
I wonder why she would be part of this, come to think of it.
The other girl retreated a half-step. "You sleep good tonight, ri ben biao
zi. Tomorrow, you is dead. Bie liao."
And before Makoto could respond, Shampoo was gone.
Hmm. The plot thickens.
Interesting! I'm looking forward to seeing more of this, of course.
And it's interesting that you've reincluded some of the original cast aside from Ryouga. Curious to see where that goes.