Subject: [FFML] Re: The Courtship of Kikyou: Winter 4/6 [Inu-Yasha, PG]
From: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net>
Date: 8/11/2003, 3:58 PM
To: <ffml@anifics.com>, <inuyashaecchifanfics@yahoogroups.com>, <inuyashaffml@yahoogroups.com>, <iy-fanfics@yahoogroups.com>, "Vash The Stampede" <vash@xmission.com>


% Only a little over a month late for this one:




The Courtship of Kikyou
A tale

Tale


As she closed yet another man's eyes, Kikyou wondered why this winter had
become so fierce. The autumn had been mild enough, she reflected. But

Ugh. drop the 'she reflected' and just do 'enough, but'

the
winter had been cruel, indeed, bringing with it plague wind and disease.

The hardworking menfolk, outside in the chill and the cold, has

had

 been
infected first. They took the illness home to their wives and children,
who
fell prey to the disease even more quickly. The disease was nigh unto

i'd drop the 'nigh unto' and reword. The 'olde' word choice doesn't work for
me here.


"I will see to her," Kikyou said quietly, ignoring the fractured sobs of
gratitude that followed her to one of the mats, where she prepared to make
the girl's passing as comfortable and easy as she could.

Others helped her; none with priestesses,

that parses off


She knew her sister cried when the wind whipped her face, digging alone in
the night, when no one saw her work endlessly, till

until


For every one they moved, another replaced it.

Kaede waited and watched the brazier crackle, until hours had passed, and
the night was pitch and the sky almost moonless. A sliver of silver

Ugh. The two words are two similar in appearance to be that close together.
Change either sliver of silver


The next morning found new a new grave filled; as Kikyou buried the dead,
she thought of Inu-Yasha. It was hard not to; in every snow-laden bough,
in
every streak of blood, she saw his colors.

Nice imagery


"Bandages please, Kaede."

Kaede finished wiping the brow of the patient she was tending, and then
rose to do as Kikyou bid. She would make a fine priestess, Kikyou mused as
she watched her. Dedicated, almost as solemn as her sister, and with the
same tenacity of spirit that Kikyou was known for. Her power was a softer,
gentler thing, though.

The Shikon no Tama would not be passed on to her, Kikyou was certain.
Another successor would have be found.

.or

odd punctuation there.

the gem, somehow, destroyed or purified.

But she put these thoughts away as Kaede tended her hands gently. The look
was in her eyes again; You

you


Inu-Yasha's den; it was as she remembered it, but left uncared for it had
fallen to rot; the furs that had once warmed her soaked and chilled
body  No, the furs were merely a cover; it was Inu-Yasha's own body that
gave her heat and revived her  now

this parses off as well

gave shelter to vermin that scattered
when she prodded the pile with her bow.

He'd left in a rush, and he'd left all the affect

affects


And it was not happy to see her.

She did not knock

nock (I believe)

her bow; the winds raged too strong here  whether

use 'either' since you use 'weather' a few words later.



"It should have been perfect!" the woman screeched. "Perfect! I could have
grown fat on the souls of the dead all winter and then slaughtered you
before it was spring! I could have had the Shikon no Tama!"

Well, it is an interesting plan. Do like the inclusion of Kikyou whacking a
youki as well.


She adored him for it.

nice touch as well


.what future did a woman who could not be human and a hanyou who could
not
be a man have together, anyway?

well, we know that one. :)

Nice work. Sorry it took me so long to get to it

DB Sommer




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