Brian Randall wrote:

"You're probably all wondering why I've gathered you here right now,"
Keitaro said quietly, surveying his audience.

Motoko: Is it for an orgy?

Keitaro: No.

Motoko: Too bad.

Silence greeted his solemnity, and he nodded, bowing his head.

"Recently, I've gone over the numbers again, and, unfortunately, the
retrofit for the inn hit us a lot harder than I initially thought." He
raised his head, putting on a firm, confident expression. "But, I'm sure
we can get through this, somehow. All we need to do is to remember to
stick together."

What, there isn't enough money for the electricity or something?

"I know what you're thinking," he said quickly, before he could be
interrupted. "And we're not completely out of options yet."

He allowed the silence to stretch into a dramatic pause. "Um... well,
anyway, Tama, this is the part of the speech I can't figure out how to
finish," he mumbled, slumping to the floor at his table.

The turtle chirped encouragement at him.

Tama: You can convert the Inn into a bordello and rent out the girls as
hookers.

Keitaro: That would be immoral.

Tama: But 'Pimp Daddy' Urashima has a nice ring to it.

Keitaro: Good point. Prostitution it is.

"Let me guess, short on money to run the inn after the repair work?"

Haruka: Have you considered drug running.

Keitaro: I was thinking more along the lines of running a bordello.

Haruka: That would work.

Not likely," Haruka drawled. "You go break the news to everyone, I'll

pick out a script."

"Oh, boy," Keitaro whimpered.

Heh. This should be fun.

"They're fun!" Mitsune assured him, smiling happily. "Hopefully it'll
be even half as fun as the last one!"

sounds awkward. 'be at least half as fun' perhaps?

"I don't know," he admitted, shrugging his shoulders uncomfortably.
"Haruka-san said she would choose it."

think dropping the 'it' would be better. Sounds more natural.

"I'm Urabe no Suetake!" Suu cheered. "Who's that?"

"Another retainer," Mitsune answered. "And I'm Usui Sadamitsu, the last
of the four."

Hmm. Got those uniform roles out of the way quick.

"I took some liberties," Haruka dismissed. "It's a play for kids, after
all."

Heh. I wonder what other liberties she might have taken .

"Do we get to see the script?" Naru asked curiously.

Haruka: No, I think you'd just worry if you saw what was going to happen.

"Didn't need it last time," Haruka said cheerfully.

Really? I wonder what play she was watching. :)

"I can help with that, too!" Suu cheered, grinning. "I'll take the
leftover parts from my last experiment with Ranma, and make a
goblin-projector."

"Well, if that's taken care of, we should probably get back to getting
ready

'to studying for the test' perhaps?

Mitsune flipped through her script idly, but found her role fairly
small, outside of a few fight scenes. Well, she'd had some training with
martial arts, thanks to Ranma. It couldn't be that hard.

Famous last words.

And if that wasn't a concern, well, then she could pay attention to
other things.

Like Mutsumi.

So, Kitsune is finally going to make her play for Mutsumi. I don't blame
her. She's a hottie. :)

Ranma seemed to always have one eye on her. She was clumsy, but
whenever she slipped, he would catch her. Was it just because he was
trying to help someone avoid being hurt, or was it something about
Mutsumi specifically? And how to find out if there was anything going on
there? She lit upon an idea quickly enough.

Sleep with him, and if in the throes of passion he called out Mutsumi's
name, Mitsune would know the truth. And kill Ranma.

"Say, Shinobu, you don't think that Mutsumi is more competition for
you, do you?" she asked.

Shinobu: Not really. I don't think she wants to be the narrator.

Mitsune: It must be nice to be so innocent.

Shinobu blinked as though the idea had never occurred to her, and
blushed brightly. "Is she?" she asked. "I suppose when... Naru-sempai
confessed... she said she liked... Keitaro-sempai too, after all."

Mitsune nodded knowingly. "Well... you know, you could check the
situation out, if you wanted."

Shinobu: Or I could just murder them in their sleep. That would answer any
questions.

"That's... true," Shinobu admitted, looking more nervous than pleased
with the proposition. "I should find out, at least, but...." She
hesitated, and sighed. "I'm concerned that I may already be out of the
running, Kitsune-san."

"It's not like you to give up," Mitsune protested. "And if you don't
investigate, you'll never find out, will you? What have you got to lose,
anyway?"

Shinobu: My dream. My pride. My dignity.

Mitsune: I mean, besides that.

Nodding to reassure herself, Shinobu balanced the tray carefully on one
hand, and slid the door open. "Hello," she greeted the study group
timidly. "I thought you might like something to eat while you studied."

Mutsumi: Why yes, I am more interested in Ranma than Keitaro.

Shinobu: How did you know I was thinking that?

Mutsumi: I would have done the same thing in your position. I'm a woman, and
my mind works in naturally suspicious ways. It's only men who I don't
understand.

The table was large enough to fit four comfortably, and one or two more
without too much trouble. She sat down next to Naru, on the side closer
to Keitaro, and set the tray on the table between them.

Now if Shinobu was Chiyo from Azumanga, this is where she would glance at
the tests, and fill them out in record time and get a perfect score. And
then they would kill her, if not for her ultra-kawainess defence.

"Would you like a cookie, Ranma-kun?" Mutsumi asked, turning her
attention to the man.

I think you can throw her a bit better with this scene and humor. Something
like

"Ten," Ranma stated, nodding at the book in his hands.

"You want ten?" Shinobu asked.

"No, wait. Thirty," Ranma corrected.

"But I only made two dozen," Shinobu said, looking sadly at the tray of
cookies.

"Hmm. Maybe 7 and 8/13ths."

"I don't think I can break one that precisely. I'm sorry," Shinobu
apologized.

Naru finally broke in, grabbing the book Ranma was looking at away from him.
Seeing she had finally torn his attention away from the problem, she asked,
"How many of Shinobu's cookies would you like?"

Ranma looked at the girl, as though seeing her for the first time. "Oh, give
me two."

 Keitaro

checked his notebook while Ranma looked up, glancing at Mutsumi.
"Cookie? Oh, sure."

"That's right, Oe-san," Keitaro noted, taking a cookie from the tray as
Mutsumi reached for it at the same time. Their hands brushed together,
and both blinked in surprise. "Er... I'm sorry," Keitaro apologized,
blushing slightly.

"That's fine," Mutsumi assured him, smiling brightly,

Mutsumi: Just see to it it doesn't happen again, or you'll be pulling back a
bloody stump.

Ranma's eyes flickered for a moment, but he didn't otherwise react
immediately. Without even looking up, he shook his head. "No one at the
moment," he mumbled, flipping the page in his study guide.

Mutsumi seemed to wait for Ranma to say something for a moment,

just used 'moment' earlier. I'd switch this to 'say something further'

"Really? But this place is filled with pretty girls," Mutsumi said.
"Naru would make a lovely bride, as well."

It was Naru's turn to blush, while Keitaro glanced between the three
girls present, scratching his head. "Filled with pretty girls?" he
asked, turning a speculative glance at Ranma.

Not quite sure why he would be doing that.

All three girls turned their eyes to Ranma. He raised his eyes from his
paperwork and blinked, looking between the others. "Huh?" he managed,
peering between them in confusion.

"I can kind of see it," Naru said after a moment. "Cold water's easier
to come by, after all."

Oh, Okay. Now I get it.

"Oh, I don't know about Ranma-kun's temperament," Mutsumi hedged,
smiling knowingly. "But...."

"I don't think Oe-san is like that!" Shinobu blurted out, turning him a
fearfully questioning glance.

"Not a chance," he said quickly, shaking his head.

Heh. Shows he was paying attention and trying not to get involved in the
conversation.

A loud sneeze echoed from the hallway as Mitsune passed by, heard but
unseen.

Come on, this is Mistune. She should have her ear next to the door. :)

Keitaro blinked into the silence, glancing between Mutsumi and Ranma,
while the sound of footsteps faded down the hall.

"I think I would make a lovely bride, too, Keitaro insisted, not wanting to
feel left out.

"Um... not much of anything," Shinobu admitted, somewhat distraught.
"I'm not sure...."

"Well, if you're going to make a move you should probably do it soon,"
Mitsune advised. "Wait too long, and it could be too late."

Mitsune; Besides, I want you to steal Keitaro away from that bitch, Naru,
the way she stole Seta from me.

"Umm.... How?"

Mitsune raised an eyebrow, then reached for her copy of the script.
"Seems to me we should be able to come up with something," she reasoned.
"After all, being the narrator, anything you say goes, right?"

"Does it?"

"It should." Mitsune looked thoughtful for a moment. "I have an idea.
See, in this scene here...."

Ohh. Evil.

Keitaro blinked in surprise, and Ranma shoved the leg upwards, flipping
him over to tumble to the lawn. "You need to watch your defense," Ranma
advised. "You don't always have a lot of time to take advantage of your
enemy's weaknesses, and while you're feeling out their defenses, you're
also showing them your own."

Ranma: In other words, your ass is mine, bitch.

"What about now?" Keitaro asked, surprised.

"Now it's my turn!" Suu exclaimed, springing to her feet enthusiastically.

Heh. I think Keitaro is dead meat.

***
"It almost seems timeless," Keitaro commented, staring upwards. The
trees surrounding the spring were nearly invisible before him. In the
colder air, as winter approached, the spring tossed up masses of
obscuring steam, nearly the entire baths in a mist that was difficult to
see through.

something missing from there, methinks.

"I know what you mean," Ranma murmured, waving a hand. The steam
swirled around the moved hand,

'appendage' or something not involving 'hand' again.

little whorls and eddies dancing about

before more steam obscured the air currents. He frowned thoughtfully,
moving a hand

especially since you use it again ,though if you drop the middle 'hand' this
one is fine.

"It's an esoteric art," Ranma replied, shrugging. "Some people call
them ki attacks, but that's a bit misleading. You can do things with ki
that you could do with your bare hands, and sometimes you can do more...
but using it to attack is not always as effective as a good punch or

kick."

Keitaro frowned. "So why use it?" he asked.

Ranma: Sometimes you need specialized tools for difficult jobs.

Mutsumi shook her head, her hair in a bun behind her to keep it dry.
"You don't need to worry," she insisted, climbing to her own feet. "I'll
get out with you!"

Oh, that will go over wonderfully.

Both Keitaro and Ranma watched, gulping involuntarily as Mutsumi
stepped towards them, her towel struggling valiantly to keep her
covered, but fighting a losing battle. She stopped halfway towards them,
and peered at her feet. In the reforming mist, she had nearly bumped
into Tamago, who was floating peacefully on the surface of the bath.
"Ooh," she said, blinking at the turtle. "I almost tripped over this
rock." She raised one leg from the water, and prepared to step on
Tamago, as the turtle floated away. With nothing beneath her but more
water, she stumbled, crashing towards one of the bath's real rocks.

Heh. I wonder if she did that one intentionally. :)

In the ensuing confusion, by the time Ranma managed to haul himself
upright and help Mutsumi to her own feet, she managed to tug off his
modesty towel. "Oops!" she exclaimed, blushing brightly.

Mutsumi: Isn't it amazing that I just happened to stay here and then lose my
towel and then accidentily take Ranma's off him.

Ranma: Yep.

Mutsumi: You're not good with saracasm, are you?

"Keitaro!" Naru exclaimed. "What in the world are you...."

Keitaro: If I cheerfully admit it's exactly what you think will you not hit
me, since denying it will definitely serve to have me belted?

Sempai," Shinobu whimpered. "What are you doing?"

Mutsumi:" Well, it was my carefully orchestreated plan for the start of a
three way. I suppose the rest of you can join in and we'll make it an orgy,
but I'm not wild about those. Way too few men, and their attention will be
divided. That's never a good thing.

Clearing his throat, Ranma shook his head. He had one good chance at
pulling off an escape, since Mutsumi had run off with his towel. "I have
a better explanation," he reasoned, peeking over the top of his stony
hiding place. "Basically, it goes like this. You see -- hiryuu

shouten-ha!"

The tenants all stepped back, eyes wide, as Ranma vanished into a
rising vortex of hot water. In the center of the spiral, once it was
separated from the springs, the hot mass cooled quickly, triggering his
curse.

nice

Ranma's next step found itself planted on a bar of soap, which skidded
across the deck, causing her to trip over Keitaro's prone form. Ranma
was sent careening wildly backwards into Mutsumi, and the pair landed
tangled in the baths again with another thunderous splash.

Shaking his head to clear it, and trying to ignore Mitsune's gloating
chuckle, he protested, "It was an accident! I swear!"

Heh. Cute.

***

Keitaro had left the window shades in his room open, though the light
filtering through both it and the open door felt dim and gloomy. He and
Ranma had their heads bowed, studying their workbooks quietly.

"You know, it seemed like things had gone on too long without something
going wrong," Keitaro finally said, prodding at his cheek gently. He
winced as he felt the bandage placed over a swelling bump.

Yep. :)

Ranma nodded solemnly, feeling at a matching bandage on his own face.

"Anyway," Keitaro mumbled. "I think Narusegawa really hates me, now."

"Why?" Ranma asked, frowning.

"Just a feeling," Keitaro sighed. "She hit you, too?"

Ranma blinked, surprised, and removed his bandage. "Actually, no," he
said, turning to look at the wrapping in confusion. "No one hit me. It
must have been a reflex."

Hehehe.

Keitaro shrugged, leaning back and staring up at the spot on the
ceiling where a hole had once been, connecting his room to Naru's.
"I...." He hesitated. Should he tell Ranma that he already knew about
Naru's confession?

Ah yes. Forgot about that.

The only explanation she could come up with was that... as unfortunate
as the scenario was... Mutsumi was making a move on Keitaro.

Why is she automatically assuming Ranma wasn't Mutsumi's target?

"Oh, no, never that!" Mutsumi replied, shaking her head. "We're
studying together, after all."

I do believe we're not communicating on the same wavelength.

"Hello, Kitsune!" Mutsumi greeted cheerfully, as Mitsune returned to
the inn after a day of work. "Did you work hard today?"

"Not really," Mitsune replied absently, kicking her shoes off, and
stretching her arms over her head. "Er... that is, yeah. I worked pretty
hard."

Naru sighed, watching a pair of pachinko balls bounce out of Mitsune's
pocket.

Heh

"It's been a while, Ranma," he mused, positioning himself to ride low,
and offer less wind resistance, his ponytail flicking behind him in his
wake.

Hm. So Kintaro might be coming back soon.

***

The stage had been set up outdoors, as the pit that had once housed
dozens of turtles for Suu's experiment had been expanded and reshaped
into an auditorium,

That's a heck of an enlargement.

with collapsing dividers set up to leave a 'back

stage' area. The rear of the stage ended abruptly at an earthen wall, a
tree standing above the center, and white sheets hanging across lines to
provide a backdrop for the projection that Suu had set up.

Currently it was displaying a red velvet curtain, realistic enough that
Shinobu had gone to touch it, not quite trusting her eyes. Ranma had, at
Haruka's request, cobbled together the leftover scraps of lumber still
lying around, and made simple wooden benches to serve as seats for the
theater's guests. Surprisingly enough, they were slowly filling up, and
Shinobu guessed there were more than forty people waiting for the play
to begin.

Hmm. Still sounds sizeable.

"Don't worry about it -- if you make a mistake, they'll probably just
assume it's a comedy. Relax, and remember, you're the narrator, so
they'll listen to what you say... but they're going to be watching
everyone on the stage. Okay?" The woman patted her shoulder
comfortingly, and Shinobu managed a brave smile. "Okay.

you end the last sentence with an 'Okay' Best to cut this one or that.

Before Kaidomaru could reply, a woman in a tattered and torn kimono
emerged from the hut, making a motion towards Raiko. He reeled as though
struck, and sunk to the ground, dazed.

***

"Watch your mouth," Haruka grumped, preparing to throw another rock at
Keitaro.

Heh

Kaidomaru nodded, then glanced between Yamamba and Raiko, saying,
"Yamamba, while I am no samurai, perhaps Raiko-sama would be willing to
take me in your stead?"

"Very well," Yamamba sighed. "Raiko, take my Kaidomaru, take him away
from me... but know this much. While I have never told him before,
Kaidomaru's is a samurai, of the Sakata family."

think you need to drop the 's and the comma

***

"We get to tussle with those cuties!" Haitani whispered to Shirai.

"Let's hurry before anyone else shows up," Shirai countered, as the
pair advanced on Mutsumi and Naru.

Heh

Suetake blinked, then looked around. "I am injured!" she exclaimed
suddenly, toppling to the ground and lying near the peasant women, who
seemed stunned.

Heh

 >

Haitani tested his arm, grabbing up his spear again. "Alright, Urashima
arranged for us to get beaten up -- time for a taste of his own medicine!"

"Agreed," Shirai returned quietly.

Agree. Keitaro has it easy compard to these poor slobs who have the decency
to admit they like girls. :)

Suetake bounced to her feet, grinning wildly. "I am Urabe no
Sue_take_," she said. Turning to the audience, she stage-whispered, "My
friends call me Suu."

Heh

The stage faded to darkness again, and the narrator was illuminated
while she explained, "Raiko and his band journeyed far and wide,
searching for evildoers and vanquishing them. Eventually, they were
drawn to the Ryu-Kyu islands by rumors of a rampaging demon."

Shinobu: His name, Inu Yasha.

***

"Hey, take it easy!" Mitsune hissed. "I'm supposed to win this fight,
remember?"

"Where's the fun in that?" Sarah retorted quietly. "You'll have to beat
me the hard way!"

Yessss. Kill the spore.

The two larger demons grinned happily, and began to drool.

Especially since they really were demons, rather than actors. They had
stumbled on the play, and were looking for some humans to feast upon.

***

"Shirai... I say we stay down for the count. These girls are too
dangerous."

"Agreed."

As do I.

Still in peasant costume, Naru shook her head. "We're holding in
there," she finally managed. "I think the last play went better than

this."

So far, but there is another part to the story. That will probably be where
disaster will strike.

"Okonomiyaki!" Seta announced, bearing one in his hand, and smiling
genially. "A friend of yours, I think, Oe-kun."

Heh.Oh, that will probably be fun. I already can't wait for the next
chapter. Not familiar with the story the play is based upon, so it's new to
me. Seemed to flow pretty well. Obviously it was structured around the
legend it was based upon. Enjoyed the bath scene, as you could tell from my
comments. It was my favorite part. Very nice addition to the story, which is
moving up the list of my all time favorites. Excellent work. Thanks for
sharing.

DB Sommer

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