Hiya!
Good stuff. Glad to see more of it.
Many thanks! It's been a long time coming, though I blame some of that on
the previous year being pretty busy. Or at least not condusive to writing.
Hope it was worth the wait.
The biggest problem I had with it was that there weren't that many
decisions made, as you said, and >a lot of it was people crying on each
other's shoulders. It was necessary but I just tend to prefer it >when
characters get pissed and then get even or have scathing arguments, even
though that's >unrealistic.
Fair enough. As for the decisions to be made, more of that will be shown in
the second half of the chapter (coming hopefully sometime soon). For what
it's worth, coming to said decisions will probably involve a scathing
argument or two...
It's because of this, perhaps, that I really liked the end bit with Ryoga
the best. You could have gone >a different route and had Ryoga ask Ranma
what's wrong and be concerned for his friend and not
fight him. But you stayed true to the character and had him show his
concern through fighting, which
was much more intense and led so naturally to Ranma's confession.
Well... other then the fun in writing a fight scene, it seems to me that a
sympathetic and understanding Ryouga wouldn't be terribly in character. I
like Ryouga, he's fun--but he's not all that nice of a guy, really, and
while he might be the closest thing to a good friend that Ranma has... well,
that probably says something about Ranma. Also, having Ryouga beat the snot
out of Ranma had plot purposes that I'll continue to develop over the second
half. Either way, glad you liked the fight!
You will finish this chapter by September, and it will be awesome, I'm
sure.
<grin> Thanks for the optimism!
Specific comments follow.
Thanks for the line-by-line commentary. I've included many of them in my
initial revision.
A few comments:
The Ryoga scene was rather short, and it didn't really make me think
much time had passed. >If you had something else happen, or went to another
character afterwards or instead (my vote's for >Ranma) at that point, it
might be better.
True, and normally I'd switch to Ranma's POV but for this half of the
chapter I made it a point not to. The previous chapter was entirely from
his POV, because I intended to avoid it for quite some time after he
discovered what had happened to him. I avoid his POV because, in the
aftermath of what's happened, he's doesn't really have a perspective on
things... he's too lost within himself to offer a view of what's going on.
(Which is in some ways a cheat, I admit, since it could still be written,
but I didn't want to challenge that, really--Faulkner I'm not). Also, it's
a nice way to build tension... people generally want things from Ranma's
POV, especially after something big's happened, so by denying that POV I'm
(hopefully) building reader interest.
I always love scenes like this where Nabiki shows she cares about
things. She's such a deep >character...I never get tired of a well done
Nabiki.
Thanks. She's a tough character to write. Like Ryouga, she's not really a
nice person--though she's far less psychotic. But she's a lot of fun, and
if you avoid fanfic cliches (that have her as dark yakuza overlord
manipulator) she's also one of the more 'human' character, in my opinion.
_Untidy disarrayed sheets. Dishevelled Chinese shirt. Bikini top crumpled
on floor. Mussed bangs and >>unravelled locks.
*Disheveled*...*unraveled*
I think that's one of those US-UK spelling things. Extra 'u' on colour,
extra 'l' on unravelled... at least, the spellcheck doesn't seem to mind.
Thanks for the feedback and the help!
-Mike
_________________________________________________________________
STOP MORE SPAM with the new MSN 8 and get 2 months FREE*
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail
.---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
| Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
| Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
| Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject |
`---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'