Standard C&C Disclaimer:  All the below is my only occasionally useful
humble opinion, my only occasionally correct grammatical and spelling
corrections, and/or my only occasionlly funny humor.

On Sat, 09 Aug 2003 16:17:23 -0700 Brian Randall <brian@azurite.org>
writes:

        "Recently, I've gone over the numbers again, and, 
unfortunately, the 
retrofit for the inn hit us a lot harder than I initially thought." 
He 
raised his head, putting on a firm, confident expression. "But, I'm 
sure 
we can get through this, somehow. All we need to do is to remember 
to 
stick together."

        "I know what you're thinking," he said quickly, before he 
could be 
interrupted. "And we're not completely out of options yet."

"Now, girls, I'd like to introduce this nice man from the local yakuza
branch's prostitution department...."

Sorry. :)

        --------------------------------------
        Diamonds in the Rough -- Chapter Nine -- Winter Performance 
(Part One)

        Disclaimer: Paints in this story are from Takahashi, Viz 
(Ranma 1/2), 
TV Tokyo and Ken Akamatsu (Love Hina), and Tatsuya Egawa 
(Goldenboy). 
The story of the heroic legend of Raiko and Sakata Kintoki as 
presented 
here is public domain. The easel is mine. That's all.

BREAKING NEWS: Authorial officials once again fail to comment on the
issue of brush ownership.  Film at eleven.

        "No time to rehearse?" Keitaro asked worriedly.

        "Didn't need it last time," Haruka said cheerfully. 

Heh.

        Shinobu surveyed the seating arrangement from her spot. 
Keitaro was to 
her left, and Naru shared a side of the table with her. 

I think that final pronoun should be "him", unless Keitaro's been into
the Instant Jusenkyo water. ;)

        Motoko's voice reached them faintly from where she 
practiced, outside, 
piercing the suddenly awkward silence. "Strike! Strike! Strike!"

        Ranma shuddered, and looked briefly haunted, glancing over 
his shoulder 
fearfully, then turning back and insisting, "Never. Ever."

Heh.

        The girls had made a collective concession to the fact that 
there were 
now two men in the inn by letting them use the baths. After the 
girls 
were done with them, of course.

Nothing good can come of this, not with Ranma and Keitaro's luck (or lack
thereof).

When it was done, the steam passed too high to rain back into the 
bath, 
and was carried away on the breeze. "That was a nice soak," he said 
appreciatively.

        "Yes," Mutsumi agreed.

Knew it. :)

"Ooh," she said, blinking at the turtle. "I almost tripped over this 
rock." She raised one leg from the water, and prepared to step on 
o, as the turtle floated away. With nothing beneath her but more 
water, she stumbled, crashing towards one of the bath's real rocks.

"prepared to step on it"?

        "Just a feeling," Keitaro sighed. "She hit you, too?"

        Ranma blinked, surprised, and removed his bandage. 
"Actually, no," he 
said, turning to look at the wrapping in confusion. "No one hit me. 
It 
must have been a reflex."

...heh.

        Naru looked up from her study guide, having trouble focusing 
on it. 
Ever since Keitaro had begun training seriously in martial arts, he 
had 
gotten better. Less clumsy, at least. There honestly had been fewer 
accidents since he began.

If martial arts training reduces the number of comedic misunderstaning
causing accidents, I hesitate to think what Ranma would have caused back
in Nerima without it... :)

        "What are you up to?" he wondered aloud, lurching forward 
slightly, and 
allowing inertia to do the work for him.

        "It's been a while, Ranma," he mused, positioning himself to 
ride low, 
and offer less wind resistance, his ponytail flicking behind him in 
his 
wake.

Oh... now _this_ should prove interesting.

        "Watch your mouth," Haruka grumped, preparing to throw 
another rock at 
Keitaro.

        "It was in the script!" Ranma shot back under her breath.

Shouldn't it be Keitaro saying this?

        "I changed that line," she countered just as quietly.

And heh.

        ***

        "Ad-lib!" Motoko hissed under her breath. "Come up with 
something!"

        "Right, right," he whispered back.

Probably should use Keitaro's name rather than he here.

        "Very well," Yamamba sighed. "Raiko, take my Kaidomaru, take 
him away 
from me... but know this much. While I have never told him before, 
Kaidomaru's is a samurai, of the Sakata family."

Is the him here a typo, or an intentional (on your part) mispeak by the
character?

        "Okonomiyaki!" Seta announced, bearing one in his hand, and 
smiling 
genially. "A friend of yours, I think, Oe-kun."

Heh.

        --------------------------------------
        Author's notes:

        I hope this isn't too rushed. Any and all C&C welcome.

Seemed fine to me.  Looking forward to seeing part two.


           Aaron Nowack
"Never let reality get in the way of a good hypothesis."
http://www.geocities.com/anowack/

________________________________________________________________
The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!
Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!
Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'