*Disclaimer Forthcoming*

MYSI
Prologue: Enter the Asshole
PsyckoSama

Going against all convention, this story does not start with a dark and
stormy night. In
fact it was a bright and pleasant night. Unlike the more ominous 'dark and
stormy' night,
it was truly terrifying as things are always the most calm before the shit
truly hits the fan.

Sitting in a poorly lit room in a duplex, in a declining neighborhood of
northeast
Philadelphia was a rather stocky, depressed, and 'slightly' deranged example
of euro-
mutt American manhood. The star of this story, the center of his own
universe, and the
sexiest bitch ever to get shot down by damn near every woman alive: Me, your
friendly
neighborhood Psycho-Sama!

At the time, I was hungry. No, correct that. I was fucking starving. I eat
one meal a day.
Period. That was not because of any special diet, but only because I'm too
lazy to cook and too poor a college student to eat out ever meal.

It had been almost 24 hours, and that had been an expired packet of instant
ramen. With
some trepidation, I checked my wallet. Twenty-three smackeroos...

Being in my head at the time (a frightening experience believe you me) and
lacking a
mirror, I cannot describe the look on my face at the time, but chances were
I was at least
smiling. It hadn't taken me the normal five hours to locate the money
holding item in the
squalor of my rat hole dwelling, and it was not empty. I could eat.

Cackling like a madman (frighteningly common for me, especially after 2am
and a
couple of beers) I dug through ever gamer's best friend: a binder full of
takeout menus.

Mexican? No.

Pizza? No.

Philly Steak? No.

Chinese? Boo-ya!

I grabbed my phone and in a flash called the number on the menu.

"General Tso's Chicken, here I come!"

The phone run three times, and then...

"Hello, Goddess Relief Office." droned a rather disinterested female voice.

"Shit... Sorry lady. Wrong number," I replied.

With a sigh, I hung up the phone and redialed.

"Hello again," droned that lady once again.

"Bye." I grunted before hanging up and redialing the number.

"Don't hang up!" growled the same chick as before. "I'm sending over a rep.
Stay on the
line!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

As if to answer my question, my trashcan popped open and out climbed the
most
beautiful woman I'd never groped. She was tall, with thick, honey-blond
hair, perfectly tanned skin, long legs, a washboard stomach, and the best
pair of tits I'd ever seen.

"Am I dreaming? Did someone slip LSD into my Dr. Pepper?" I asked, "Because
I really
can't think of a logical explanation for a Greek goddess to pop out of by
trashcan!"

The blindingly beautiful woman sighed and winced in my direction. Same voice
as from
the phone. "Put on a shirt and some pants!

I looked down. I was clad only in my boxers. I pulled on a somewhat clean
T-shirt from
the floor and looked at her. "My room, middle of the night. What do you
expect, and what are you doing here... and unless what you're doing here
involves hot sex and/or making my ever wish come true, the door is down the
steps. Can't miss it."

She growled. "Listen, you little shit, I'm Aphrodite, Goddess of Love,
Second Class,
Limited License! I'm here to grant you a wish and nothing else."

"Some love goddess..." I sarcastically remarked, not believing a damn word
she said.

"You're not my type," she replied with growing irritation.

I groaned, and with a voice laced with faux self-pity I replied, "Great. I
can't even score
with the slut of the Greek gods, and considering the mythology that
particular pantheon
reads like a bad prono, that's really depressing..."

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"

Ignoring her outburst, I continued, "Or maybe it's just that you're not into
nice guys.
Maybe you're the kind of woman who likes cute guys who beat her..."

"ARES DOES NOT BEAT ME!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Wow, now that's denial... "Now how long have you been hiding in my
trashcan?"

"I wasn't," she growled. "Trashcans are my teleportation medium."

"Huh?"

"I can go from any trashcan in the world to any other trashcan."

"Ouch...  I take it there are other options?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "My fried Urd gets TVs. At least I'm not stuck with
Loki's
medium."

"What's his medium?"

"Toilets."

I grinned and looked at her. "So, what is this about a wish?"

Aphrodite looked me in the eye and shook her head. "I can't see how a guy
like you could ever earn a wish..."

"Earn a wish?"

"Yes," Aphrodite replied. "Only people with pure hearts get wishes."

"I've been told my heart is the only thing bigger then my mouth," I
remarked.

"I can see that," the Goddess deadpanned. "So hurry up. Bast is throwing a
multi-
pantheon mixer party and my shift ended ten minutes ago."

"Well, a wish is an important thing... I can't just jump into something like
this."

"Yes... Yes..." she grumbled. "Hurry it up..."

"I can't wish for anything stupid. I need a good wish, maybe world peace,
maybe for love, maybe for a chance to change the world..."

"That's nice!" she sighed. "Hurry it up."

"Well now, I don't want to do anything stupid, like wish to be a bad-ass
anime style hero
character, who lives on the seat of his pants, always ends up with a hot
girl, and..."

Aphrodite's ear perked up. "What was that? Badass anime hero? seat of your
pants
action? Get the girl?"

The woman began to float in the air, and a beam of light shot from marks on
her face.
There was a flashing light and she floated back to the ground smieling.
"Wish
Approved."

"Wait! This is REAL!?" I exclaimed. "I said I wouldn't wish for something
like that!!!"

Aphrodite shrugged. "Must have been zoning out."

She snapped her fingers, and in a flash I was dressed.

She snapped again, and the sensation of falling and a bright blue sky.

I looked down and saw that I was falling... from about ten thousand feet up.
Below me I
saw the green of fields and forests, tiny houses, and rivers and streets
crossing the whole
mess.

"This is going to hurt," I whimpered as I looked upon the rapidly
approaching earth.

And it did. Believe me, it did.




             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'