*Disclaimer Forthcoming*

I'd like to offically apologize for this fanfiction. 
Thank you.

MYSI 
Prologue: Enter the Asshole
By PsyckoSama (PsyckoSama@verizon.net)
http://www.fanfic.net/~psyckosama/
 
Going against all convention, this story does not start with a dark and stormy night. In 
fact it was a bright and pleasant night. Unlike the more ominous 'dark and stormy' night, 
it was truly terrifying as things are always the most calm before the shit truly hits the fan. 

Sitting in a poorly lit room in a duplex, in a declining neighborhood of northeast 
Philadelphia was a rather stocky, depressed, and 'slightly' deranged example of euro-
mutt American manhood. The star of this story, the center of his own universe, and the 
sexiest bitch ever to get shot down by damn near every woman alive: Me, your friendly 
neighborhood Psycho-Sama!

At the time, I was hungry. No, correct that. I was fucking starving. I eat one meal a day. 
Period. That was not because of any special diet, but only because I'd too lazy to cook 
and to poor a college student to eat out ever meal.

It had been almost 24 hours, and that had been an expired packet of instant ramen. With 
some trepidation, I checked my wallet. Twenty-three American...

Being in my head at the time (a frightening experience believe you me) and lacking a 
mirror, I cannot describe the look on my face at the time, but chances were I was at least 
smiling. It hadn't taken me the normal five hours to locate the money holding item in the 
squalor of my rat hole dwelling, and it was not empty. I could eat.

Cackling like a madman (frighteningly common for me, especially after 2am and a 
couple of beers) I dug through, ever gamer's best friend: my binder full of takeout menus.

Italian? No.

Pizza? No.

Philly Steak? No.

Chinese? Boo-ya!

I grabbed my phone and in a flash called the number on the menu.

"General Tso's Chicken, here I come!" 

The phone run three times, and then...

"Hello, Goddess Relief Office." droned a rather disinterested female voice.

"Shit... Sorry lady. Wrong number," I replied. 

With a sigh, I hung up the phone and redialed.

"Hello again," droned that lady once again.

"Bye." I grunted before haning up and redialing the number.

"Don't hang up!" growled the same chick as before. "I'm sending over a rep. Stay on the 
line!"

"What the fuck are you taking about?"

As if to answer my question, my trashcan popped open and out climbed the most 
beautiful woman I'd never groped. She was tall with great legs, a washboard stomach, 
perfectly tanned skin, thick curled hair like honey, and the best pair of tit's I'd ever seen.

"Am I dreaming? Did someone slip LSD into my Dr. Pepper?" I asked, "Because I really 
can't think of a logical explanation for a Greek goddess to pop out of by trashcan!"

The blindingly beautiful woman sighed and winced in my direction. Same voice as from 
the phone. "Put on a shirt and some pants!

I looked down. I was clad only in my boxers. I pulled on a somewhat clean T-shirt from 
the floor and looked at her. 

"My room, middle of the night. What do you expect, and 
what are you doing here... and unless what you're doing here involves hot sex and 
making my ever wish come true, the door is down the steps. Can't miss it."

She growled. "Listen, you little shit, I'm Aphrodite, Goddess of Love Second Class, 
Limited License! I'm here to grant you a wish and nothing else."

"Some love goddess..." I sarcastically remarked, not believing a damn word she said.

"You're not my type," she replied with growing irritation. 

I groaned, and with a voice laced with faux self-pity I replied, "Great. I can't even score 
with the slut of the Greek gods, and considering the mythology that particular pantheon 
reads like a bad prono, that's really depressing..."

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"

Ignoring her outburst, I continued, "Or maybe it's just that you're not into nice guys. 
Maybe you're the kind of woman who likes cute guys who beat her..."

"ARIES DOES NOT BEAT ME!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Wow, now that's denial... "Now how long have you been hiding in my trashcan?"

"I wasn't," she growled. "Trashcan's are my teleportation medium."

"Huh?"

"I can go from any trashcan in the world to any other trashcan."

"Ouch...  I take it there are other options?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "My fried Urd gets mirrors. At least I'm not stuck with Loki's 
medium."

"What's his medium?"

"Toilets."

I grinned and looked at her. "So, what is this about a wish?" 

Aphrodite looked me in the eye and shook her head. "I can not see how a guy like you 
could ever ear a wish..."

"Earn a wish?"

"Yes," Aphrodite replied. "Only people with pure hearts get wishes."

"I've been told my heart is the only thing bigger then my mouth."

"I can see that," the Goddess deadpanned. "So hurry up. Bast is throwing a multi-
pantheon mixer party and my shit ended ten minutes ago."

"Well, a wish is an important thing... I can just jump into something like this."

"Yes... Yes..." she grumbled. "Hurry it up..."

"I can't wish for anything stupid. Maybe world peace, maybe for love, maybe for a 
chance to change the world..."

"That's nice!" she sighed. "Hurry it up."

" Well now, I can't do anything stupid, like wish to be a badass anime style hero-
character who live on the seat of his pants and ends up with a hot girl..."

Aphrodite's ear perked up. "What was that? Badass anime hero? seat of your pants 
action? Get the girl?"

The woman began to float in the air, and a beam of light shot from marks on her face. 
There was a flashing light and she floated back to the ground smieling. "Wish 
Approved."

"Wait! This is REAL!?" I exclaimed. "I said I wouldn't wish for something like that!!!"

Aphrodite shrugged. "Must have been zoning out."

She snapped her fingers, and in a flash I was dressed. 

She snapped again, and the sensation of falling and a bright blue sky. 

I looked down and saw that I was falling... from about ten thousand feet up. Below me I 
saw the green of fields and forests, tiny houses, and rivers and streets crossing the whole 
mess.

"This is going to hurt," I whimpered as I looked upon the rapidly approaching earth.

And it did. Believe me, it did.



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